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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Same mum brings older siblingto parties and let's them join in

265 replies

mymobileisonsilent · 12/09/2021 17:18

Now I know some people have to bring siblings and ask in advance. However I know this person doesn't ask, as they brought their older sibling to my child's party a few weeks ago and didn't ask. I had made packed lunches, so I didn't have extra boxes . In fact they didn't even say when arriving. The very rude child then demanded lunch and a party bag, the mum was oblivious and today was style same.

Today this sibling who is at least 5 years older than the birthday child took prizes when not enough for the actual friends of the birthday girl. AIBU, or should I and al parties over cater for a everyone to bring siblings?

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 31/01/2022 13:37

I always used to check if I couldn’t drop and leave ( I also always made sure sibling had food with them and knew it wasn’t their party)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/01/2022 13:48

@MagentaGiraffe you sound a million miles from these people. You ask and accept no for an answer if not. It’s not the same. The pushy CFs will jsut tell you their other child is coming or more likely just try to drop them off/ shove them into the party and run. Or remain but ignore extra child/ baulk at the suggestion they pay for them if it’s a soft play or similar.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/01/2022 13:49

I’m a single parent too so I know it’s hard.

A lot of the worst CF mums have got a lump of lard husband sat at home on his arse, I find.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/01/2022 13:50

PS - I don’t mean he’s fat by that, I mean he’s useless

St0rmTr00per · 31/01/2022 13:54

I always over cater class parties by 5 for this kind of thing. Shouldn't have to, I know, but I hate the idea of turning a child away. However its when you get to the pay-per-child parties it gets harder. Our school had one family that do this and get their older child to join in and even ask where her meal it. While mum sits smiling at you from afar. I just had to get tougher when she would come to tell me she wanted pizza for her lunch choice and say "im sorry, its been booked for the exact amount of children. However they do serve food in the bar area if your mum wants to get you some lunch". Annoying thing is the families here that do this never have parties of their own.

Tree543 · 31/01/2022 13:55

I've had to bring my older child along to parties when the youngest was too young to leave. But he sat with me and the other parents and brought a book or an ipad to occupy him. I wouldn't have dreamed to allow him to eat the food or take a party bag, that is so rude.

hookiewookie29 · 31/01/2022 14:05

My son is now 23 but I can remember one of his classmates turning up at his party- and the Mum walked out when I wasn't looking and left the other 4 siblings behind as well! One of them was only 3! And they all demanded party bags!

Ionlydomassiveones · 31/01/2022 14:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Gonnagetgoing · 31/01/2022 14:15

when I was a child (child of the 70s) I often had parties with DB as we have birthdays in the same month. Often this meant siblings came as 2 year age gap between all. My best friend had a 5 year younger sibling but she always came along, not an issue. I can't recall parents being there probably not but there were at least 4 responsible adults.

If I went to parties no siblings came. If I went to McDonalds or bowling parties (big and new events then) no extra siblings either.

my NDN has 3 kids eldest now 11, she got sick of all the siblings turning off and 'drop offs'. She just specified after a while that it was fine if they wanted to bring siblings and drop off but to let her know well in advance and preferably if kids were too young to have a parent stay to supervise. One boyfriend of her 8/9 year old was constantly bringing his siblings round on playdates, mum allowed as free childcare.

Gonnagetgoing · 31/01/2022 14:17

As for party bags - we often just had small toy or colouring pens/pad balloon and cake. That was their lot, nothing special!

Gonnagetgoing · 31/01/2022 14:20

@Hightemp

Siblings coming to parties were not a thing when my lots were younger…it was unheard of and also there wasn’t the expectation that parents stayed as well! Completely baffles me why this is the trend nowadays!
@Hightemp - if you're my era 1970s then agreed - siblings never came to parties unless as in my and DB's case as our birthdays were same month but he was 2 years younger then often siblings in class were of course invited. Same too, no parents stayed, no such thing as drop offs as they weren't even cheeky then! In fact parents got in the way, having drinks, organising and supervising other people's kids if they did stay!
Oblomov22 · 31/01/2022 14:47

Why are you all so weak that you don't say anything when this all started. Just a polite no, this is not ok, would suffice.

Scatterbrainbox · 31/01/2022 14:54

I must have been really lucky when mine were small. Nobody ever turned up expecting entry to soft play or party bags for uninvited guests. Sometimes at soft play parties, they would being a sibling and pay their own entry or play with them separately.

If it wasn't a pay per head venue the parent (Inc myself when I hosted) would always say that they were welcome, why on earth wouldn't you?!

GloriaSicTransitMundi · 31/01/2022 15:54

@SMabbutt

If the party is at a hall or your house have someone on the door who is assertive with a table and or gate blocking the way in. Give them a clipboard with the invitees names and a space for the parents name and contact details. Sign them in, have them sent in to the party by a trusted helper and say goodbye to the parent and siblings.

If it is at a soft play or similar give list of names to the front desk and also wait by the signing in area with your own sign in sheet. If a parent tries to walk in with siblings just say oh sorry you need to pay to come in with your other dc. They don't allow child spectators. I'm sure this lady can help sort you out. Oh and there's food and drinks you can buy at the cafe area if you want anything while we are eating in the party room. Then smile sweetly and pass the invited guest over to your oh or nominated helper. If they try to gatecrash the food just hand them back and say sorry, you've gone the wrong way. The cafe is over there. See you at x o'clock. Bigvsmile. Close door.

This exactly - my niece did this, I was her 'enforcer'. Worked a charm as I was visitng from out of town specifically for my DGN's 6th bithday and didn't know anyone. DN gave me a clipboard with list of names and a packet of wristbands. As each child arrived, I ticked off their name and put on a wristband and the leisure centre staff let them through into the party room where DN was waiting with the birthday boy.

I told parents and anyone not on the list sorry, can't help you but the cafe's over there, come back in two hours to collect little Jimmy. I did get lots of muttering and snide looks from parents and loud tears from one much older sibling but just smiled and pointed out the cafe again.

DN had warned me but I thought she was exaggerating, I thought surely her having paid £15 per child for food and activities plus provided cake and goody bags AND specified no parents or siblings, she would only get the invited children. But no! Must have been at least 5 siblings and the same number of parents expecting to party as well, for free.

Showing my age - was very different in my day!

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