Same mum brings older siblingto parties and let's them join in

[mymobileisonsilent]

Now I know some people have to bring siblings and ask in advance. However I know this person doesn't ask, as they brought their older sibling to my child's party a few weeks ago and didn't ask. I had made packed lunches, so I didn't have extra boxes . In fact they didn't even say when arriving. The very rude child then demanded lunch and a party bag, the mum was oblivious and today was style same.

Today this sibling who is at least 5 years older than the birthday child took prizes when not enough for the actual friends of the birthday girl. AIBU, or should I and al parties over cater for a everyone to bring siblings?

If the party is at a hall or your house have someone on the door who is assertive with a table and or gate blocking the way in. Give them a clipboard with the invitees names and a space for the parents name and contact details. Sign them in, have them sent in to the party by a trusted helper and say goodbye to the parent and siblings.

If it is at a soft play or similar give list of names to the front desk and also wait by the signing in area with your own sign in sheet. If a parent tries to walk in with siblings just say oh sorry you need to pay to come in with your other dc. They don't allow child spectators. I'm sure this lady can help sort you out. Oh and there's food and drinks you can buy at the cafe area if you want anything while we are eating in the party room. Then smile sweetly and pass the invited guest over to your oh or nominated helper. If they try to gatecrash the food just hand them back and say sorry, you've gone the wrong way. The cafe is over there. See you at x o'clock. Bigvsmile. Close door.

My two are still very small and very close in age. I am a lone parent. If one of them is invited to a party I ask if I can bring the other as they're too young to be left alone yet. I didn't realise I was being a CF. If someone says we can't that's fine and we won't go, wouldn't be offended.

Whenever we've had parties siblings have always been welcome also and given food/ party bags. People have always asked in advance though if they can come, as I do. Nobody's ever been weird about it (as far as I know!) and most of these parents are people who have become friends subsequently for regular playdates even if I didn't know them previously, so I hope that indicates that they did not view this as CFery. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@MitheringMytryl

A two year old won't be having many party invitations yet. You have all that to come.

My two year old is often invited to parties. Probably once a month. I don't think that she is unusual in this respect.

And yes, I am expected to stay with her. It's normal for parents to stay and supervise. I'm sure that will change as she gets older.

Same. Obviously different if they are 5 or 6 and can stay on their own, but as a lone parent of a two and three year old, what are you meant to do?! Decline all party invitations for them both because you don't want to be seen as a CF by asking to bring both along? Most times there is an older/ younger sibling who is glad of a friend their age to play with: mine certainly love it when siblings come along because they then have a few friends their age to play with who are the brothers or sisters of the main invitee.

@MagentaGiraffe - I don’t think asking if you can bring your other child makes you a cheeky fucker - what makes a cheeky fucker is turning up with an extra sibling/siblings, and foisting them onto the party without asking.

You sound like a polite and thoughtful person - you say you would be fine if someone said you couldn’t bring the other sibling, and I’m guessing that, if you do bring the other sibling, you don’t let them take over, as some CF parents allow (like the older sibling in a previous post, who was allowed to win all the prizes, for example), and wouldn't let your child expect a party bag - whereas CF parents’ kids are allowed to demand a party bag even if this means actual, invited guests end up without.

Long story short - you aren’t a CF.

@CyclingIsNotOuting

I’ve had this too, I ran out of party bags for DC’s friends because of unexpected siblings taking them. Lesson learnt and they are kept hidden until going home time. People still bring siblings without asking. It’s annoying, especially when the activity isn’t suitable for their ages. I now put on the invite a message about no siblings. People still show up with them!

Why on earth do you even let this happy?

CF do it because you let them!

Make it clear, there are no party bags for siblings. Then dish them out yourself. Tough titty. Instead you suck up the expense. WWWWWHHYYY???

[quote SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]**@MagentaGiraffe* - I don’t think asking* if you can bring your other child makes you a cheeky fucker - what makes a cheeky fucker is turning up with an extra sibling/siblings, and foisting them onto the party without asking.

You sound like a polite and thoughtful person - you say you would be fine if someone said you couldn’t bring the other sibling, and I’m guessing that, if you do bring the other sibling, you don’t let them take over, as some CF parents allow (like the older sibling in a previous post, who was allowed to win all the prizes, for example), and wouldn't let your child expect a party bag - whereas CF parents’ kids are allowed to demand a party bag even if this means actual, invited guests end up without.

Long story short - you aren’t a CF. [/quote]
Thank you. That makes me feel slightly better. Of course we always ask in advance and wouldn't go if it was unsuitable to have more at the venue. Or if it was a paid per head thing obviously I would pay.

My experience has always been that anybody in similar situations does that too - asks and goes along if the organising parents says it is ok - and it's never been a problem either for people coming to my children's parties or for other parents who invite one of mine to theirs; they have always said siblings are welcome as do we, and party food is a buffet and cake usually so a few extras don't make any significant difference to cost. I always make up extra party bags too as there is always leftover stuff anyway and I have no personal desire to keep stickers, bubbles, plastic mazes or stretchy dinosaurs etc for myself!

@ranoutofquinoaandprosecco

I've added a no siblings to party invites of people I know will turn up with them. Past caring if they don't like it!

I also did this when mine were little it's total cf behaviour and puts you the host in a horrible position with regard not having enough food and prizes. My daughter was terrified of bigger boys when she was tiny and I had to tell an unimpressed mum to take her older son home. She gave me a look. I couldn't care less. I'm not her free childcare. She hadn't asked in advance bc she knew it was not ok. Can't stand that sort of thing

I have no personal desire to keep stickers, bubbles, plastic mazes or stretchy dinosaurs etc for myself!
Hahaha I feel the same!
I’d also never get any pleasure from making a child stand to the side and observe party games because they weren’t actually invited.

My mum never hosted parties for birthdays, instead we had a birthday treat. Usually to a place chosen by the birthday child followed by dinner at McDonald's. It would be us four kids plus a specific friend of the birthday child. Once, only once, did a parent try and shoehorn in an uninvited sibling. My mum told the cf mother, "sorry, but I'm only paying for five kids at the zoo, so he will have to wait outside til we're finished. Also, I'm not paying for any food for him so he'll have to wait til he gets home." The cf mum backed down. No-one ever tried that trick again with my mum.

Siblings coming to parties were not a thing when my lots were younger…it was unheard of and also there wasn’t the expectation that parents stayed as well!
Completely baffles me why this is the trend nowadays!

This was a thing twenty years ago too, for me, I have to be honest, it never bothered me, the more the merrier, there was always enough food to go round and I always did a few extra party bags just in case and always welcomed any stray extra kids and if a parent turned up with one in tow I’d go out of my way to say hi and they can stay, but our parties were always self catered community centre type things, we only have one child. So I wasn’t doing it myself. But I get why someone might be annoyed by it. I don’t really understand the “fuming” part or fuming for weeks and weeks, but guess we all have different things that infuriate us.

@catfunk

Id make a big song and dance of 'oh I didn't realise they were coming so I haven't catered for them sorry' and would add something to the invite such as 'if you need to bring someone else along please let me know as I will be catering for invitees only otherwise' Hopefully that'll make them realise that if everyone bought an extra kid it'd double the numbers !

I would say this is giving them permission to do it! better to say "sorry cannot accommodate extra children.'

If you are inviting someone to a party you are asking their parents to disrupt their weekend for you

No you fucking aren't you are providing two hours free childcare for them, plus feeding them!

Jesus wept.

I found it changed between DD1 and DD2. DD1 had a joint party in Y1, we had one or two siblings but the parents had asked in advance. Four school years later at DD's party loads of siblings turned up without anyone asking first, joined in everything, queued up for party bags at the end. What was even worse a couple of families made it a family affair- several additional adults turned up and ploughed into the food before the kids. I mean there probably would be leftovers and I'd have no problem with them eating that but you don't take the food before the party guests have had a chance!

ZOMBIE THREAD FROM LAST YEAR!!

My exH did that to my kids once. I was mortified. The birthday child's mum called me and apologised but there wasn't space for my older and younger child to attend. I had no idea and said I'd let dad know ass it's his weekend. He just wanted to dump the kids. Awful behaviour.

@Whatwouldscullydo

And yes, those touting the drop and go as the ultimate solutions

Well the host is busy cooking and trying to get the food out and making tea and coffee for the parents. Someone's gotta watch the kids, the ones who fel off the bouncy castle or didnt engage with the entertainer or understand the games or whatever.

Ime it's those who would be considered rude by staying, or having a sibling with them that are doing just that.

Uninvited older siblings have at time been a help. Extra pair of hands fir crowd control etc

I'd rather have them there and buy an extra bag if sweets tbh deal with it all on my own.

The adult hosting the party should have had enough helpers to do all of that, or should have asked parents stay.

The only adults pitching it should be those organised by the host, not random parents with toddlers - and in my experience they’re too busy trying to stop their toddler running away/getting too close to the food/bursting balloons to be much help anyway.

Today this sibling who is at least 5 years older than the birthday child took prizes when not enough for the actual friends of the birthday girl.

And the party organisers said nothing?

I was at a kids party once where the older brother and his friend were jumping in and taking the sweets from the piñata and the little kids got nothing. I made them stop. They did and it was fine.

And yes, those touting the drop and go as the ultimate solutions

I couldn’t ever drop and go. If my daughter had a sibling and my husband was working, I’d have had to take them with me. I always asked if I could stay and yes, I spent most of my time keeping kids in order whilst the host was in the kitchen, sometimes cooking stuff and sometimes drinking with their friends.

It’s so rude. If you must bring a sibling then you ask in advance and pay for their entry if necessary and bring their own food. They don’t join in with games or party bags unless asked

We had a this at my sons 6th birthday and the numbers were capped. We had a a wildlife guy who was fantastic but he catered for a maximum of 12 children. My son had only just started the school so assumed that the two additional children who came with "Izzie" were other children who had been invited and their parents had made arrangements. It was only when "Leo and Connie " did arrive that I realised that Izzie's mum had dropped off her two siblings and I'd welcomed them in! So we had 14 , wild life man was very gracious and my lovely mum ran out for supplies for party bags.
When Izzie mum collected her three I told her that I was a little surprised about how rude people could be, she hasn't looked me in the eye since.
Other parents commented that I had fallen for an age old trick. Some people have some neck OP.

Next time we re in the church hall so they can bring whoever they like. I'll make sure I've got extra.

@BlackBirdOfChernobyl

My mum never hosted parties for birthdays, instead we had a birthday treat. Usually to a place chosen by the birthday child followed by dinner at McDonald's. It would be us four kids plus a specific friend of the birthday child. Once, only once, did a parent try and shoehorn in an uninvited sibling. My mum told the cf mother, "sorry, but I'm only paying for five kids at the zoo, so he will have to wait outside til we're finished. Also, I'm not paying for any food for him so he'll have to wait til he gets home." The cf mum backed down. No-one ever tried that trick again with my mum.

@BlackBirdOfChernobyl Why did you post this on a thread that was last updated on 19th September 2021???

I would also feel mean making a child stand out or not be able to eat because of numbers. The issue is always the parent not the child.

here you go: