I've found myself in a really crappy situation but I'll try to make it short and sweet. I, along with my daughter have been in our current rental for the last 8 years. I started dating my partner nearly 4 years ago and he lives just up the road from me, mortgage free. We both have children from previous relationships, my daughter who is 18 and off to uni this week and his daughter who is 15, still in school. His wife passed away 6 years ago. His daughter has struggled, but we became incredibly close quite quickly. She is also close to my daughter and they see each other as sisters. I have never tried to replace her mum and I made it clear from the beginning that I would not get involved in their arguments or try to discipline her. Ex really struggles to set boundaries and she speaks to him like rubbish most of the time. She has a lot of anger issues I feel and they argue a lot which can make the atmosphere sometimes unbearable.
He has tried to arrange counselling multiple times but she isn't interested.
Recently my landlord made me aware that he was thinking of selling up in the next few months. For a while I have wondered where our relationship was heading so we both decided to have a talk about the next steps, with the most obvious one being to move in together, especially since I'm paying nearly £600 a month in rental fees even though I spend most of my time at his house. He agreed that he wanted me to move in and live with them. We sat his daughter down to have a chat and to make sure she was okay with it. She's had a rough start to life and we agreed that we wouldn't do it if she wasn't happy with the idea. Initially she was over the moon and said she couldn't wait for me to move in, that she couldn't wait to have another girl around the house to do girly things, have pamper and movie nights etc. She is also extremely unhappy with her weight (as am I) and we both said that we would exercise together and make healthy meals. It was going to be our little activity that didn't involve her dad. Just us girls. At no point did she us tell or make us feel that she wasn't comfortable or happy with the idea, until this week, a week before I am due to move out of my current place.
It has come to light that she now doesn't want me to move in and is really unhappy with the idea. She told her dad on Wednesday night that if I come she will move in with her auntie. This isn't the impression she gave us when we spoke to her a month ago. The last few weeks she has been excited and has even helped me move boxes in. He hasn't said anything or tried to explain to her that it is too late for her to change her mind. I suspect that she has realised at the last minute that this is all real and actually going to happen and it’s scared her. Perhaps it was foolish of us to believe that she was happy with the idea but we had talked about it in depth several times before making the decision and then over these last few weeks she seemed so excited for me to come. Even though we agreed that we wouldn’t do it if she was unhappy, it is a slightly different situation now as I’m suppose to be moving out next Friday.
Initially my landlord said he would give me 6 months to find somewhere else before putting the house up for sale, however I gave him notice straight away (after having agreed with partner to move in with them) so he put it on the market immediately. Estate agent believes it will sell quickly as there has already been quite a few viewings. Luckily landlord has said I can stay for another month, and then we will take it week by week until the house sells or if I find somewhere else. I haven’t spoken to my partner since yesterday morning after he decided to send me links to a property in the next town (a 1 bed flat above a youth hostel). This was the first I’d heard from after he told me that his daughter didn’t want me to move in. He has kindly told me he will loan me the money for a deposit on another rental if needs be. No apology or any concerns for my well-being, he’s just carried on as normal. Rentals don’t come up that often in this area and if they do, they are normally priced at around £700+pcm which I can’t afford. I work full time but can only stretch to around £600 which I was currently pay. I also have a dog that we’ve had since he was a puppy and I’m not prepared to give him up. My daughter absolutely adores him and would be so heartbroken. I was lucky that my landlord didn’t mind pets but not many others feel the same way as it is advertised on their websites.
Partner has offered to take the dog if needs be (so he’ll have my dog, but not me. Lovely) but hopefully it won’t come to that. I do have friends and family that could take him if I can’t find a rental that accepts pets. Buying a property is not possible unfortunately.
Our relationship is over, although I’m not sure he is aware of that and thinks we will be carrying on as normal. I am absolutely heartbroken as I still love him but I just feel so hurt and I still can’t believe he could do this to me. My daughter is off to Uni tomorrow so I’m trying my best to hold it all together so she can enjoy her last couple of days at home before leaving. I don’t want her to see me upset but she is equally hurt by what they’ve done. We’ve sold a lot of our furniture and packed our lives up ready to move next week. It is such a shit show and I will never rely on a man ever again after this. I have seen a couple of rentals within the area, which have been on Rightmove for a while now. They are out my price range by around a £100 a month. Would I be unreasonable to phone the estate agent up and explain my situation and see if the landlord will consider reducing the rent? If the property has been sitting there empty for months and they are desperate for the income, do you think they might consider it? I feel cheeky for even asking but if you don’t ask you don’t get I suppose! What do I have to lose at this point, right?
If you’ve managed to read the whole post, thank you. Please be nice, I'm feeling pretty fragile and stressed at the moment.