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AIBU?

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Original poster

To abandon my cousin

377 replies

Boredhimtodeath · 10/09/2021 09:06

My cousin started working at my place of work 3 weeks ago. It’s an hours drive down a mixture of country lanes and then motorway. When she started she told me she was nervous of the drive and can’t afford petrol everyday so could we go together…. Something I would have personally considered before going for a job.

We can start and leave at various times as long as we do our hours during the day. I like to get to work at 8 and leave at 3, she prefers to do 10 until 5. I’ve said to her throughout that I like having my time on an evening so if we are going together I want us to be here for 8. The first week she was getting to mine for 7:50 so we were getting to work at 9, I was annoyed but let it go. It has gradually slipped to us getting to work for 10. Yesterday she wasn’t at mine by 8 so I messaged saying she needed to get herself to work because I was setting off. My uncle dropped her off and text me saying he couldn’t get there to pick her up so could I bring her home, meaning an hour after I finished I had to wait for her, I did an extra hour of work. The same has happened again today however my boss has said I can leave an hour early today because of staying last night but as a one off. So I will finish 2 hours before her tonight now. My uncle has again messaged.

Is it acceptable that I just leave? I’ve been here for years and I am happy with my routine, if she spoke to me before starting I would have told her from the offset my start and finish times. It’s hard because I have no reason to be home, other than just wanting to be. I will say from next week that she is going to have to make her own way there and back or find a more suitable job.

I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other so there will be a backlash.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 10/09/2021 09:08

Tell your uncle you have an appointment and you need to leave and if she wants a lift in future she needs to work the same hours as you

ChristmasCocktail · 10/09/2021 09:09

Leave. I'd tell your uncle she's an adult, and not your responsibility if she can't be bothered to get out of bed and set off when your ready.
Don't waste your time OP.

heldinadream · 10/09/2021 09:12

She needs to either stop inconveniencing you and disrupting your routine - which you have a perfect right to! - or make other arrangements. Time to be assertive OP.

Backlash - well yes, people don't like it when you stand up for yourself in a culture of family does everything for each other. But you're going to face it sooner or later - do it now, bite that bullet.

PinkFootstool · 10/09/2021 09:12

She's a CF. Who takes a job without knowing how they'll get there?

If the price of fuel is the only reason she's not driving each day, your uncle can pay to fill her car each day week. Her hours are her problem.

Readerimarried · 10/09/2021 09:13

Cousin can work same hours as you. Why should you be expected to do anything for her, if she's not affording you the same in return?

M0rT · 10/09/2021 09:13

If you can do anything for each other she can get up on time for you!
Leave and tell her and your uncle she can have a lift as long as she is at your house when your leaving to start work at 8.
Otherwise it's up to her how she gets in.

Summersun2020 · 10/09/2021 09:13

Ha! Cheeky cow. Would change my routine by a minute for her as she is royally taking the piss.

MichelleScarn · 10/09/2021 09:14

If you do anything for each other, why doesn't she do what you need?

inmyslippers · 10/09/2021 09:14

I think you're being taken advantage of

MeanMrMustardSeed · 10/09/2021 09:15

I think it’s really kind of you to give her lifts. I would come up with an excuse as to why you can’t do this afternoon - I would definitely not stay two hours after my work had finished!!! Then reiterate that you leave at 6.55am to get to work and at 3pm get home and if your cousin is at your car at those times, she’s very welcome to get a lift. But other than that, she has to make her own way there. Why should her routines be more important than yours? Especially when you’re paying! I’d take the hot now to get it sorted as it’ll just get harder the longer it goes on for.

anon12345678901 · 10/09/2021 09:15

I would leave and enjoy your early finish! Why should you keep waiting? She's old enough to have a job so she can get her own way there/back or your uncle can do it. If she wants a lift she has to go by your hours, and if she's not at yours by a certain time, you go without her.

TooWicked · 10/09/2021 09:15

Tell your uncle that you have made travel arrangements directly with your cousin, she knows what time you choose to arrive and leave work, so she needs to fit in with your plans or sort her own transport, and he needs to keep his beak out.

TooWicked · 10/09/2021 09:16

Oh and leave today and enjoy your early start to the weekend!

Lockdownbear · 10/09/2021 09:16

Tell your Uncle your hours and if she wants a lift she needs to work the same hours.

She clearly thought you'd be her taxi when she accepted the job.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 10/09/2021 09:16

Totally cheeky fucker. What would she do if you left your job?

I understand you feeling awkward about causing a fuss. Either put in some big girl pants or (as I'd probably do) invent a new interest 3 times a week.

achara · 10/09/2021 09:16

"I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other so there will be a backlash"

Not true because your cousin is not prepared to do anything for you ie suit your hours. Please let your family know this when they try to browbeat you into suiting your cousin.

citycitycity · 10/09/2021 09:17

Just leave today when you want - you’ve told her your start and end times and she is choosing to ignore it. That’s her problem.

Howshouldibehave · 10/09/2021 09:17

@Theunamedcat

Tell your uncle you have an appointment and you need to leave and if she wants a lift in future she needs to work the same hours as you
This. Say that exactly and if he/she comes back again say that you work 8-3 and she prefers to work 10-5 which you don’t want to do, so it’s best if she drives separately. You’ll hit all the Friday traffic and ruin your evening!

I’m sure loads of people would rather not pay petrol costs and have someone else drive them to work every day but life doesn’t work like that!!

Did she get a job there because you were there? She’s taking the piss big time. Travel time and expenses are part of being a grown up-you don’t get to opt out of them just because it’s a bit hard.

Underpaidsnackbitch · 10/09/2021 09:18

Yanbu! She can drive her own car, or she can have a lift to fit in with your times. Seems like she has enough options to get to work but is making it difficult for herself. Does she even want the job?

MrsRobbieHart · 10/09/2021 09:18

Don’t make up anything about appointments.

Don’t respond to uncle. Ignore his texts. Assuming cousin isn’t 5?

Tell cousin you work 8-3, if she wants a lift she needs to be at your house at ten to 7 (or whatever time you need her there) otherwise you’ll be leaving without her.

Howshouldibehave · 10/09/2021 09:19

I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other so there will be a backlash

Well that’s not true. She isn’t prepared to even be on time for you so I wouldn’t worry about it. I wouldn’t have agreed to this in the first place.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 10/09/2021 09:19

Entirely reasonable position OP. I think you have universal backing so far!

underneaththeash · 10/09/2021 09:19

Just tell her that you can only take her if she fits in with you. If she wants a lift, she needs to be at yours by XXX at the latest.

Underpaidsnackbitch · 10/09/2021 09:20

Oh and too add, if she is going with you she needs to give you some petrol money and be on time! Do not wait around for her!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 10/09/2021 09:20

Point out if you're a family that will do anything for each other then why won't she work to your schedule since you are doing your part by driving her?

You need to stand firm.

I am happy to give her a lift as long as she is at my house by X and leaves work at y. If she doesn't want to do that then she needs to make her own arrangements.

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