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Original poster

To abandon my cousin

377 replies

Boredhimtodeath · 10/09/2021 09:06

My cousin started working at my place of work 3 weeks ago. It’s an hours drive down a mixture of country lanes and then motorway. When she started she told me she was nervous of the drive and can’t afford petrol everyday so could we go together…. Something I would have personally considered before going for a job.

We can start and leave at various times as long as we do our hours during the day. I like to get to work at 8 and leave at 3, she prefers to do 10 until 5. I’ve said to her throughout that I like having my time on an evening so if we are going together I want us to be here for 8. The first week she was getting to mine for 7:50 so we were getting to work at 9, I was annoyed but let it go. It has gradually slipped to us getting to work for 10. Yesterday she wasn’t at mine by 8 so I messaged saying she needed to get herself to work because I was setting off. My uncle dropped her off and text me saying he couldn’t get there to pick her up so could I bring her home, meaning an hour after I finished I had to wait for her, I did an extra hour of work. The same has happened again today however my boss has said I can leave an hour early today because of staying last night but as a one off. So I will finish 2 hours before her tonight now. My uncle has again messaged.

Is it acceptable that I just leave? I’ve been here for years and I am happy with my routine, if she spoke to me before starting I would have told her from the offset my start and finish times. It’s hard because I have no reason to be home, other than just wanting to be. I will say from next week that she is going to have to make her own way there and back or find a more suitable job.

I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other so there will be a backlash.

OP posts:
Subbaxeo · 10/09/2021 09:41

If you come from a family where you’ll do anything for each other then she can get to your place when you’d like to leave since it’s you who’s giving the lift. Why wouldn’t the backlash be against her for not getting to your place on time? Why isn’t your uncle insisting she fits in with you rather than the other way round. You’re already doing her a big favour by providing transport to work….so why is it you who has to do the compromising? If she wants to do set times which suit her, then she should get over her nerves. Very entitled and cheeky.

SprayedWithDettol · 10/09/2021 09:45

I don’t get this family is everything bollocks. There are lots and lots of arseholes in the world, who will have family, should that family be made to suck it up?
OP, she can drive so she can get herself there.

wednesdayweather · 10/09/2021 09:48

If your family really had a mindset that you do anything for each other, she would be living that by getting to your house in time for you to get to work for 8!

In reality, your cousin has a mindset that you should do anything for HER.

fruitbrewhaha · 10/09/2021 09:48

Your cousin is a fucking idiot. And rude, so rude.

She left you hanging around for two hours waiting for her, I would have left at normal time.

NO LIFTS.

WafflesOrIceCream · 10/09/2021 09:48

Your cousin should have considered the drive and petrol before accepting the job offer!Like other's have said, if you are expected to do things for each other then your cousin should be making that effort for you.She is not your responsibility and either your uncle drops and picks her up or she finds a job elsewhere where she doesn't have to travel as much!

GrandmaSteglitszch · 10/09/2021 09:48

I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other

So why hasn't she been getting to yours at a time to suit you?

I'd wait for her today, so you're not the total bad guy, tell her what time you'll be leaving next week and every other week, and say if she's there at that time she can have a lift. If she's not there, too bad.

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 10/09/2021 09:50

Is she much younger than you and still living with her parents? I ask this because this sounds like the behaviour of someone who is not used to having to contend with "real life" and whose parents still take responsibility for them, not acknowledging they are adults.
In any case, please tell both uncle and cousin that you leave daily at whatever time it is that suits you and that you will not wait for your cousin if she is not there at your time of departure at either end of the working day.

Returnoftheowl · 10/09/2021 09:52

She's being a proper CF. If she wants a lift she can for your schedule, if not she needs to find her own way.

Therealjudgejudy · 10/09/2021 09:55

She is completely taking advantage of you and you are being a doormat by letting her do this.

Set some boundaries, starting today or this situation will just escalate

Sunndown · 10/09/2021 09:56

It makes sense (especially environmentally) for you to travel together. Just put down in writing, very clearly, that you go to and from work at those times and that you can only take her if she is ready 5 minutes before those times. Also set down a fair petrol share in writing, to be paid in advance. Explain that you will simply have to leave if on any day she is not ready on time.

Nogardenersworld · 10/09/2021 09:56

Just tell her you’re happy to give her a lift to and from work
But you’ll be leaving for work at x time, and leaving work at x time. So she needs to be with you by then or you won’t be there.
No further discussion needed

Any time they txt you say no sorry I can’t wait at work for 2 hours today after I finish, if she wants to leave at time I’m leaving I can give her a lift home.

If there is fallout, point out you staying at work for several extra hours a day because she chooses not to drive herself, or fit in with your schedule whilst also not giving you petrol money is not reasonable. Why does the ‘family does anything for each other’ not extend to her being on time.

That said, is there any compromise to be had, if you don’t need to be home, could you compromise by an hour
So a 9-4 instead or 8-3 or whatever. You don’t have to do that but maybe you’d feel better giving that option.

Chloemol · 10/09/2021 09:56

I would text Uncle, sorry I am leaving at xx today and can’t wait I would also add moving forward your hours are 8 til 3 and if your cousin wants a lift those are the hours she has to work. So if she is not at my house by 6.50am I will be leaving without her and assuming she is making her own way there

And do it

LuaDipa · 10/09/2021 09:57

@MichelleScarn

If you do anything for each other, why doesn't she do what you need?
Exactly.

You are expected to drive every day and foot all of the fuel bills but she can’t even manage to get up a couple of hours earlier. I would tell them exactly this and ask exactly what she is doing to support you.

Claudia84 · 10/09/2021 09:57

If she’s nervous of the drive you could go with her on a couple of days in the passenger seat and then she can start making her own way there. Maybe that will help the backlash although you’re not being unreasonable at all in the slightest. Unwritten rules of getting a lift is you leave when the driver is ready.

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/09/2021 09:58

If family should do anything for each other she should fit in with your hours and get to you on time.

3peassuit · 10/09/2021 09:58

If you’re kind enough to give her a lift, she fits her hours to suit yours.

FrenchBoule · 10/09/2021 09:58

So your cousin got a job without thinking about the logistics how toget there and now dictates what hours you’ll be working as well since she won’t get her arse out of bed early enough?

Seriously, tell her and her father to jog on. Either she makes it on time you indicated or her father can take her to work and back home.

She’s an adult and able bodied.

Don’t fearthe backlash, you’re not unreasonable as your cousin (and her family) demands impact not only your work hours but your private life as well.

Not paying for lift is also taking a piss.
There’s no free taxi rides.

Goldbar · 10/09/2021 09:59

Wow, they're really something, aren't they? She and uncle clearly don't value your time in the slightest. Text back and say, "Why would I spend 2 hours of my free time waiting around, unpaid, for another adult?"

You're not running a taxi service and you're doing a nice thing giving her a lift at all. Say "these are the times" and leave at your usual times. They are so entitled to think that you should adapt your routine for your cousin. She can bloody get herself out of bed in the morning if she wants a lift.

Notaroadrunner · 10/09/2021 09:59

Stop texting your uncle. It's none of his business what hours you work. Communicate with your cousin only. Tell her today that you are not in a position to wait for her so she will have to sort her own way home. And stop the lifts completely. She's taking the piss. She has a car. She's working and gets paid, so it's not your responibility to fund her travel to work. She can pay for her own petrol or let her daddy pay. She has already shown you that she doesn't respect you by being late and laying ridiculous expectations on you to stay late just so you can bring her home - fuck that! You go back to your routine and let her figure out her routine, her car, her petrol money.

BritInUS1 · 10/09/2021 09:59

Firstly, don't engage with your uncle, your cousin is an adult and needs to sort this out for themself

Secondly, tell your cousin you can't give them a lift tonight unless they are leaving at x time - you are not waiting

Thirdly, you need to tell them the time they need to be at yours in the morning, if they are not there leave - they need to leave

Stop letting them walk all over you

LaetitiaASD · 10/09/2021 10:00

OP said - "I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other so there will be a backlash."

This really is a simple one.

If your family has that mindset then surely your cousin will be willing to get to your house PRECISELY when you want her to and finish work the same time or earlier than you if she wants a lift home as well?

Yaya26 · 10/09/2021 10:00

She is being such a cf!

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 10/09/2021 10:00

Tell your uncle you're not a taxi service. She either fits in with you or she makes her own way there.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 10/09/2021 10:00

This is truly insane OP. You'll have to endure the backlash I think, as ridiculous as it is, because you can't allow yourself to be taken advantage of like this. Stand your ground OP!
(As a side note, I used to have a job with hours like this, I miss it so much - also, we could also take a 30min lunch instead of 60min and bank up the extra 30mins so that you could leave 2.5 hours early every Friday. Ah those were the days.)

MargaretThursday · 10/09/2021 10:01

@Theunamedcat

Tell your uncle you have an appointment and you need to leave and if she wants a lift in future she needs to work the same hours as you
Exactly this. You had an appointment which was why you had to be in on time, so you can't stay.

As your family likes to do everything for each other, maybe suggest you would like to save petrol money too and your uncle can take you and cousin in (both at the times that suit you) and out each day.