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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger touched baby’s face - AIBU?

573 replies

summerisler · 09/09/2021 16:09

In a cafe with my two small DC earlier today. DD just turned 1. As I was cutting up some food for her, an elderly man suddenly appeared at the side of her pram. He picked up a toy that I wasn’t aware she had dropped and then reached out and stroked and pinched her cheek. He reached out so fast that I had no time to react to stop him. I have a real dislike of people touching strangers babies. When DS was a baby I was stopped on a zebra crossing by a woman demanding to see him in his sling, and a woman in a cafe asked me if she could hold him. I said no and she very loudly badmouthed me to her friends at the next table - which I just thought was bonkers. Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

Back to today - I approached the man and told him that I was upset that he felt it appropriate to touch my baby’s face. For context, today was the first day we’ve been to an indoor cafe since I was in the early stages of pregnancy with DD. I was polite but made my upset known and he apologised.

Is this a generational thing? I would never touch a baby without asking the parent/cater for permission. Curious to know thoughts on this. I don’t think I was unreasonable telling this man he was in the wrong.

OP posts:
Amammai · 09/09/2021 16:12

I’ve had it happen and whilst I’m not a huge fan, I can see when it’s done with simple kindness and maybe and older generation who just take such joy from seeing little ones. I’ve never felt hugely offended or anything. If someone persisted with wanted to hold them or something I’d just say ‘oh they are about to have a feed/lunch so he might be a bit cranky’

StayOrGoOrWhat · 09/09/2021 16:14

You're not unreasonable to feel the way you do but I wouldn't have minded this or have found it particularly odd.

statetrooperstacey · 09/09/2021 16:15

Yes I think it probably is generational, that and the fact older people get a bit sentimental about babies and children. Perhaps he doesn’t see many.
It used to be very common when my older ones were babies that people would put a coin in the babies hand, like open their tiny fingers and curl them back round a fifty pence piece, it was for luck, when i went to visit my grandparents up north we made quite a bit.😁
I mean your allowed to not like it, but don’t overthink it. Fwiw I wouldn’t have said anything, he probably feels awful.

BlueBellsArePretty · 09/09/2021 16:15

YANBU

A couple of random elderly people have touched my baby's hand when saying hello. I know that they're being nice but since my baby loves sucking on her fingers and since there is such an emphasis on handfasting I really wish they wouldn't.

BlueBellsArePretty · 09/09/2021 16:15

*handwashing not handfasting

ohthatbloodycat · 09/09/2021 16:17

YABU and an absolute misery. Just thank the old man for picking up your baby's toy and leave it at that.

Comedycook · 09/09/2021 16:17

Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

Me! When dd was a baby, a group of older quite posh ladies were paying her a lot of attention and one asked to hold her...I happily handed her over and ate my lunch with both hands!

Arghlife · 09/09/2021 16:17

Maybe it is a generation thing. I've regularly picked up toys and things that a baby/ child has dropped. However, I would never physically touch them. Surely that's a line that's been crossed?

SpamIAm · 09/09/2021 16:17

I used to hate this anyway but a couple of months back (so before social distancing etc was relaxed) an elderly man ruffled toddler DSs hair. I was actually speechless. My friends haven't even touched my kids since Covid but this stranger thought it was fine Confused

Cuddlypinkcat · 09/09/2021 16:18

Definitely a generational thing. Young mums now are way more neurotic about these things.

WitchBaby · 09/09/2021 16:19

Poor old man. You actually approached him afterwards? Madness.

BlackInk · 09/09/2021 16:20

Sorry OP, I think you're being a bit unreasonable and precious, though I'm sure it comes from a good place of wanting to protect your child.

It was a friendly and affectionate gesture. Lots of people love babies, seeing a beautiful baby makes some people light up with joy - who knows, maybe the only joy they feel all day.

Your baby is almost a toddler, and no doubt touching everything (the cafe table, supermarket trolley, floors, the toy that had just been on the cafe floor, etc.) then putting her hands in her mouth. A little scooch on the cheek from a friendly stranger presents less risk (of germs) than those things. She's not a fragile newborn and needs everyday exposure to the world to help her immune system develop. I personally try to hold back from pinching the chubby cheeks of passing babes, but I wouldn't be offended by it.

It's been a difficult time to be a new mum though, and I do sympathise.

cultkid · 09/09/2021 16:20

You're over reacting it is annoying but I wouldn't confront someone

If you get very upset get a badge that says don't touch my baby for the pram

YABU

I also think you sound highly anxious (I am highly anxious) and you could benefit from CBT.

Comedycook · 09/09/2021 16:21

@Cuddlypinkcat

Definitely a generational thing. Young mums now are way more neurotic about these things.
Yes. I agree. It's a bit precious.
DappledThings · 09/09/2021 16:22

This thread happens about once a month. You are being daft.

NotAnotherPylon · 09/09/2021 16:23

Well, thanks to your reaction, he sure as hell won't touch another child's face in a hurry. Thank Christ for that, eh?

SpamIAm · 09/09/2021 16:23

I completely disagree with most of these replies. I don't think it's too much to expect people not to randomly touch your baby during a pandemic where we're encouraged to keep our distance from people and sanitise everything.

Thedogscollar · 09/09/2021 16:23

I think YABU. This man might have had no other contact with a human other than you today. He picked up your childs toy and returned it and whilst doing so just stroked your child.

Wait till your child is in the garden with dirt in their mouth seeing what it tastes like.

Yes this is very much a generational thing which will grow out now as nobody is allowed to touch, look or breathe in anyone else's direction these days.

Claricestarling1 · 09/09/2021 16:24

Poor man..hope you feel good about yourself!

Soubriquet · 09/09/2021 16:25

Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

I did. An elderly woman kept looking at ds from across the room and looking really Misty eyed, so I offered to let her hold him. It made her year. Her husband had passed and she never had any children

But I know that’s not the norm.

oneglassandpuzzled · 09/09/2021 16:25

Poor man.

DroopyClematis · 09/09/2021 16:25

I think you're overreacting if I'm honest.
Obviously, at the moment, it's not good practice to touch strangers, baby or not.

It is very much a generational thing. Just try and accept it as best you can... it won't be forever.

Comedycook · 09/09/2021 16:27

@Soubriquet

Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

I did. An elderly woman kept looking at ds from across the room and looking really Misty eyed, so I offered to let her hold him. It made her year. Her husband had passed and she never had any children

But I know that’s not the norm.

It's not the norm but I don't see why it shouldn't be. Then new mums say they feel isolated and alone yet so many seem to want to exist in a vacuum. There's posts all the time on here from mums who don't even want family to visit and hold their pfb...it's bizarre to me
AmelieLovesAutumn · 09/09/2021 16:27

YABU. I guess it's a bit understandable with how things have been, but he just touched her cheek, he didn't put his finger in her mouth or anything.

Poor bloke.

Ionlydomassiveones · 09/09/2021 16:28

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