Stranger touched baby’s face - AIBU?

[summerisler]

In a cafe with my two small DC earlier today. DD just turned 1. As I was cutting up some food for her, an elderly man suddenly appeared at the side of her pram. He picked up a toy that I wasn’t aware she had dropped and then reached out and stroked and pinched her cheek. He reached out so fast that I had no time to react to stop him. I have a real dislike of people touching strangers babies. When DS was a baby I was stopped on a zebra crossing by a woman demanding to see him in his sling, and a woman in a cafe asked me if she could hold him. I said no and she very loudly badmouthed me to her friends at the next table - which I just thought was bonkers. Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

Back to today - I approached the man and told him that I was upset that he felt it appropriate to touch my baby’s face. For context, today was the first day we’ve been to an indoor cafe since I was in the early stages of pregnancy with DD. I was polite but made my upset known and he apologised.

Is this a generational thing? I would never touch a baby without asking the parent/cater for permission. Curious to know thoughts on this. I don’t think I was unreasonable telling this man he was in the wrong.

@Samanabanana

I would have done the same OP. It's not acceptable to touch someone else's DC regardless of age or intention. We need to teach our children boundaries and that starts at an early age with you protecting them. YANBU.

Thanks @Samanabanana - really appreciate your reply. That’s exactly it.

@Cuddlypinkcat

Definitely a generational thing. Young mums now are way more neurotic about these things.

😆 true. I just can’t find the energy to get so worked up about a simple, kind, friendly social interaction. Depending on age and circumstances that 10 seconds with your baby might be the highlight of that mans day. We whinge know about community and social responsibility and seem to want to increasingly exist in a bubble that contains ourselves and no one else.

@MintyGreenDream

I used to get elderly people putting silver in ds pram,it's supposed to be good luck.

Yes it's good luck for the baby to have his/her palm crossed with silver

@SirVixofVixHall

Generational and cultural. The Turkish shopkeeper and Italian deli owner when dd was tiny would pinch her cheeks, locally both men and women put coins in her hand. I thought it was absolutely lovely. My father put a coin into her hand the first time he saw her. Of course given Covid it is a different situation at the moment.

Giving coins when one first saw a newborn used to be common, my late OH always did it. When we first took our baby out in her pram we returned to find loads of silver coins slipped under the mattress, in the days of carry cots on wheels rather than the modern Sherman tanks.

Yeah that was an incredibly unpleasant thing for you to do. My dad is elderly and loves babies and is always lovely to them, I would be absolutely furious if some horrible woman belittled him for it.

On the one hand we have mothers who are isolated, lonely and wish they could get some support and on the other hand we have this. It's sad.

@DragonflyFairy

I have a baby, a little younger than yours. I thought I would be upset about things like this but actually, I love seeing older people interact with him. I find it really endearing and heartwarming and I am not a people person in the slightest!

I think some of the replies here are unnecessarily harsh but I think you over reacted slightly, however polite you were.
Anyone who smiles at and is kind to a baby can only be a good thing!

Totally- smiling and interacting with, yes! We have elderly neighbours who my children see regularly. It’s the unwanted touch that was my issue. Anyway - as I say, curiosity sated!

An older (male) relative of mine used to walk with year 6 (from a school his grandchildren were no longer at) to swimming and back. They had no other male helper to do this.

One day, whilst walking in line with the children and in full view of the female staff, he 'joshed' a 10-year old boy gently on the shoulder about something.

He was invited into the headteacher's office and told to never to come back because of it.

Such a shame. People can be far too precious these days.

It's got nothing to do with instilling boundaries. You just don't like people you don't know touching your baby.

And you were horrible to a kind old man

But he’s a baby. You were right next to him. He was in no way at any risk. He doesn’t need boundaries he needs to learn to interact socially. What in the hell are you protecting him from in the situation you describe?
No wonder so many children are frightened to go out into the world.

@Samanabanana

I would have done the same OP. It's not acceptable to touch someone else's DC regardless of age or intention. We need to teach our children boundaries and that starts at an early age with you protecting them. YANBU.

I hope your child wears a big badge 'If I fall over and the parents are not around do not even consider helping me, no matter how much blood there might be'.

Another one here who things you were unnecessarily mean. Fine you being a bit uncomfortable with it . Each to their own after all but feeling the need to go out of your way to call him out on it seems just .. cruel to be honest.
I don't think from your tone that you're the type of person to care about that though.

I wouldn't be mad about someone touching DSs cheek, although I'd kinda think "strange they felt comfortable doing that". But I'd be very uncomfortable about a woman complaining that I wouldn't hand my baby over to her.

Oh but you were cruel to a nice person.

I remember feeding my newborn on a bench in a playground while my toddler played....he fell and another mum helped him. She then sort of had a moment where I could sense she was terrified she'd done the wrong thing and apologised to me profusely. So unnecessary. I thanked her for helping my child when I couldn't.

Yes I think it probably is generational, that and the fact older people get a bit sentimental about babies and children. Perhaps he doesn’t see many.

I think it was this.
But YANBU to not like it, especially just now.

There are awful, unthinkable things happening all over the world, it’s actually embarrassing you’re upset about this. Put it into perspective honestly and get a grip.

I remember pulling crayons/menus out of my baby's mouths in cafes 🤣

Try and keep a proper eye on your baby's toys if you don't want strangers touching anything.

I hope you were polite to the older man, he clearly meant no harm.

@SpamIAm

I used to hate this anyway but a couple of months back (so before social distancing etc was relaxed) an elderly man ruffled toddler DSs hair. I was actually speechless. My friends haven't even touched my kids since Covid but this stranger thought it was fine

I’ve really heard it all now. Speechless because a stranger raffled your son’s hair? God forbid something bad ever happens.

@WitchBaby

Poor old man. You actually approached him afterwards? Madness.

This. Jeeeze OP, why would you do that? The poor guy.

@Cuddlypinkcat

Definitely a generational thing. Young mums now are way more neurotic about these things.

Sadly true

@peoplewatching

I hope you were polite to the older man, he clearly meant no harm.

However it was phrased and whatever tone she used she wasn’t polite to him. Poor man

And yet only recently there was a thread bemoaning the fact that in the UK people totally ignore other peoples children and have no interaction with them.

Years ago people would have conversations with other peoples children in parks, on busses and such like, now if anyone does that they must be a peadophile!