Stranger touched baby’s face - AIBU?

[summerisler]

In a cafe with my two small DC earlier today. DD just turned 1. As I was cutting up some food for her, an elderly man suddenly appeared at the side of her pram. He picked up a toy that I wasn’t aware she had dropped and then reached out and stroked and pinched her cheek. He reached out so fast that I had no time to react to stop him. I have a real dislike of people touching strangers babies. When DS was a baby I was stopped on a zebra crossing by a woman demanding to see him in his sling, and a woman in a cafe asked me if she could hold him. I said no and she very loudly badmouthed me to her friends at the next table - which I just thought was bonkers. Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

Back to today - I approached the man and told him that I was upset that he felt it appropriate to touch my baby’s face. For context, today was the first day we’ve been to an indoor cafe since I was in the early stages of pregnancy with DD. I was polite but made my upset known and he apologised.

Is this a generational thing? I would never touch a baby without asking the parent/cater for permission. Curious to know thoughts on this. I don’t think I was unreasonable telling this man he was in the wrong.

I'm so sad that you felt it necessary to go back and tell him off that poor, poor man.

I was in a supermarket bending down to get something an an elderly man touched my daughter's cheek. She was only a few weeks old and I was a bit neurotic. Before I even had chance to think I just came out with 'please don't touch my baby'. I couldn't help it.

She's one soon. I'm not as neurotic now. She puts all sorts in her mouth and strangers have since ruffled her curls and I've not been bothered.

@Raggedyanabell

Let's just leave it here. The man touched, stroked and pinched the child without asking permission. You know it's wrong.
He had no regard or respect for the child or mother because, who would give approval for a complete stranger to touch them in this way?
Please don't misinterpret your experience with having your arm/hair/nails touched by people that you already know to this random man who decided that he could do what he felt entitled to do without prior permission.

You know it's wrong.
Why does she know it's wrong? I don't think it is and the poll certainly doesn't agree with you

[quote starlight13]@Raggedyanabell

Let's just leave it here. The man touched, stroked and pinched the child without asking permission. You know it's wrong.
He had no regard or respect for the child or mother because, who would give approval for a complete stranger to touch them in this way?
Please don't misinterpret your experience with having your arm/hair/nails touched by people that you already know to this random man who decided that he could do what he felt entitled to do without prior permission.[/quote]
Oh dear, how arrogant 😂. Embarrassingly for you though, that is not true and no one thinks that you are any sort of authority on the issue

What I am saying is that seeking approval for that type of contact is not necessary. That it is a completely normal everyday interaction.
Are you saying that you would seek to 'educate' someone on consent if their hand briefly came into contact with you during a pleasant exchange??

Please don't misrepresent my experiences. I didn't say these were people I knew, I said they were people I was speaking to.. nice older lady in the hairdressers, new parent at the school gate, chatting to someone in a cafe or supermarket..all completely normal exchanges. And permission is not required. Seriously, context. I have been sexually assaulted and raped. Stop convoluting the issue of consent with this utter bullshit.

Stop projecting your strange ideas onto other people. He didnt 'decide he could do whatever he wanted' to a baby, what a whopper 🤣 you sound ridiculous.

@DappledThings

You know it's wrong. Why does she know it's wrong? I don't think it is and the poll certainly doesn't agree with you

Thank you @DappledThings I was pretty shocked at the arrogance of that statement but I guess it just goes to show the mindset 😳

[quote starlight13]@Raggedyanabell

"When someone talks about pinching a child's cheeks it is clearly not a hard painful pinch surely you can imagine what is meant by that.
As an adult I don't interact with other adults the way I do with children or babies, but no I don't expect to give my consent for every brief friendly interaction with other people. Context."

The context here is that it was done without the mother being aware and it has clearly made her feel uncomfortable. But as long as it's done on the sly, without consent then you feel it's OK. All the work and awareness we are teaching our children about consent is ruined by people with your "ah it's OK, it's only a child" attitude. This is so upsetting. Consent overrides context.[/quote]
If consent overrides context - then no one should be touching children, parents, grandparents & friends included. How utterly ridiculous.

There is so much talk about teaching children about consent - but I'd hate my children to grow up fearful & cynical of others. There is a balance - which is where intention & context becomes crucial.

The interaction as you describe it would not bother me & I would have been grateful for a kindness shown. However, it obviously bothered you - but what you felt was to be gained from approaching him after the fact I have no idea. The only thing to be achieved was to cause upset. I've come to understand that some people derive satisfaction from this sort of thing, maybe you are one of these people. His intention was to be kind, yours was to exert authority & upset this man.

If you don't want people to interact with your child perhaps keep the child seated so they are blocked by you or avoid public spaces altogether.

God almighty. Poor man.

[quote starlight13]**@Raggedyanabell

Let's just leave it here. The man touched, stroked and pinched the child without asking permission. You know it's wrong.
He had no regard or respect for the child or mother because, who would give approval for a complete stranger to touch them in this way?
Please don't misinterpret your experience with having your arm/hair/nails touched by people that you already know to this random man who decided that he could do what he felt entitled to do without prior permission.[/quote]
Jeez talk about overthinking it. There isn't an eyeroll big enough for this post.

You spout all this pretentious bullshit to suit your own agenda.

Let's get this into perspective it was an act of kindness. Baby loses toy nice old man returns it and whilst doing so gives baby a little stroke on cheek in full view of parent, nothing malicious intended.

For some on this thread I pity your sad outlook on life and your pathetic attempts at justifying the claptrap you post.

Yes teaching children consent is important but as previously posted by @Raggedyanabell context is everything and she is spot on with everything she has posted.

As for @summerisler you may still be reading this thread but I very much doubt you would do anything differently. Shame on you.

I originally read this when first posted and agreed as I personally don't like strangers (or anyone else for that matter) touching babies faces but I've since read this same story on Mirror Online whilst browsing. Surely there's no way you have actually taken this to the papers? definitely not that serious!

@Jans123

I originally read this when first posted and agreed as I personally don't like strangers (or anyone else for that matter) touching babies faces but I've since read this same story on Mirror Online whilst browsing. Surely there's no way you have actually taken this to the papers? definitely not that serious!

Rags like that 'paper' commonly lift threads from here for stories.

@latte101 oh right, that makes so much more sense

@latte101

I was in a supermarket bending down to get something an an elderly man touched my daughter's cheek. She was only a few weeks old and I was a bit neurotic. Before I even had chance to think I just came out with 'please don't touch my baby'. I couldn't help it.

She's one soon. I'm not as neurotic now. She puts all sorts in her mouth and strangers have since ruffled her curls and I've not been bothered.

I wouldn't judge you for that. New baby, hormones, instinct. That's entirely different to a much older baby and sitting there and planning going back over and berating someone

@ineedsun my baby will be fine thank you but what is a shame is that you felt the need to say that and to judge a new mother.

You have a problem with people judging? How strange…
All logic seems to go out the window when old people see babies they can’t seem to help themselves
clearly people don’t have any common sense and need to be told

Im not sure where you’ve got this nugget from…

You’re not supposed to touch babies even before covid let alone now and I’m unsure how someone can get to such an age without ever being told that

As many others have said, babies thrive on interaction; it grows new neural pathways, it helps them develop strong attachments, it helps them learn how to recognise and express different emotions. Restrict that contact and you restrict those benefits.

@Katieeb24

Although I never say anything I always worry after. As you never know who anyone is peadophiles come in all shapes and sizes!

Are you being serious or sarcastic ? I really can't tell your comment is so bizarre

I held a baby on a delayed train back to London from Scotland once. I offered to take him from the mum as he was quite restless having been stuck for 2 hours at this point. I could tell from the people around reactions that it wasn't normal. I could also tell a few who wanted to hold him also. He sat on my lap and played with my hair, necklace, bangles for ages. Gave mum who was travelling alone some respite and baby was calm. It's a baby, a human, who benefits from social interaction no matter how small.
So many new mums now act like they're the first to give birth. He stroked her face, a sweet thing to do and you sought him out to tell him off, now that's bizarre behaviour. So much for being kind hey.

@summerislert, it doesn't matter what tone, how quietly or how privately you told him, bottom line is you told him off. If your toddler fell whilst ahead of you in park r supermarket let's say, you're saying you don't want anyone to touch her or pick her up before she's given her consent? What is that teaching your child about people... as others have said, maybe place your child away from people reach, or even better, have a sign on the pram saying 'don't touch my child'.

The man was with his wife, how embarrassing to be told off in front of her for being friendly towards your baby
It's not one but two people being embarrassed, the man and his wife.
I know if you'd pulled up my husband about this I'd be fretting about it for ages

I know if you'd pulled up my husband about this I'd be fretting about it for ages

If it was my husband we’d be laughing about it for ages and telling everyone about the precious nut bag we’d encountered.

Poor old man.
Come on he was being kind.
He’s old and it’s a generation thing.
Can’t believe you told him off after the event.

But as long as it's done on the sly, without consent then you feel it's OK. All the work and awareness we are teaching our children about consent is ruined by people with your "ah it's OK, it's only a child" attitude. This is so upsetting. Consent overrides context.
It wasn't done slyly at all. And if consent oveerrides context, let's hope your child never needs pulling back from the edge of a road, never needs picking up after falling off a climbing frame and is too upset to ask for help etc

You’re not supposed to touch babies even before covid let alone now and I’m unsure how someone can get to such an age without ever being told that sorry, what? Why aren't you supposed to touch babies? Who isn't?