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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger touched baby’s face - AIBU?

573 replies

summerisler · 09/09/2021 16:09

In a cafe with my two small DC earlier today. DD just turned 1. As I was cutting up some food for her, an elderly man suddenly appeared at the side of her pram. He picked up a toy that I wasn’t aware she had dropped and then reached out and stroked and pinched her cheek. He reached out so fast that I had no time to react to stop him. I have a real dislike of people touching strangers babies. When DS was a baby I was stopped on a zebra crossing by a woman demanding to see him in his sling, and a woman in a cafe asked me if she could hold him. I said no and she very loudly badmouthed me to her friends at the next table - which I just thought was bonkers. Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

Back to today - I approached the man and told him that I was upset that he felt it appropriate to touch my baby’s face. For context, today was the first day we’ve been to an indoor cafe since I was in the early stages of pregnancy with DD. I was polite but made my upset known and he apologised.

Is this a generational thing? I would never touch a baby without asking the parent/cater for permission. Curious to know thoughts on this. I don’t think I was unreasonable telling this man he was in the wrong.

OP posts:
Fridafever · 09/09/2021 16:59

What did you think talking to him achieved? I think you were very mean.

Pemmican · 09/09/2021 17:00

I do not even smile at kids looking at me anymore because of people like OP.

Exactly right.

This is one of the most depressing things I've ever read. That poor old bloke.

Lily019 · 09/09/2021 17:00

When my son was only a few weeks old, my neighbour and relatively new friend, picked him up to cuddle him and kissed him all over his face and mouth. Made me a bit sick at the time, but my neighbour had never been able to have her own children and adored all babies. I kept quiet even though i really didnt like it. He survived and my neighbour was happy. The older generation dont seem to see anything wrong with touching other people's children in an affectionate way. But I do get where you are coming from.

EmeraldShamrock · 09/09/2021 17:00

This thread happens about once a month. You are being daft.
Once a week. 😴

KidneyBeans · 09/09/2021 17:00

@summerisler

I think maybe I’m just thinking about it being unwanted. I didn’t give my permission and my DD can’t. Germs weren’t a concern - as I’ve said, though I know other mums would be bothered by that.
Unwanted by who? You? Why? Why does it bother you? You know that lots of people will touch your child right? Teachers, other parents, their friends, family members.

The man did you a favour, and didn't upset or affect your DD in any way so why are you so upset that you felt the need to go and tell him about it?

Honestly you sound pretty irrational, and some of your replies in this thread are pretty aggressive

Plumtree391 · 09/09/2021 17:01

@StayOrGoOrWhat

You're not unreasonable to feel the way you do but I wouldn't have minded this or have found it particularly odd.
Same here.
Justcallmebebes · 09/09/2021 17:02

I feel ever so sorry for the poor old boy. It's a tad precious

ShaneTheThird · 09/09/2021 17:03

Why did you confront him? He did no wrong. Your child is a human being not property, they have to interact with other humans for a variety of reasons such as building their immune system and developing communication skills. Human beings are social animals who require tactility from time to time. He didn't harm your child nor did he imply I'll intent so it's incredibly nasty for you to confront him about nothing more than your bad mood.

LaundryForever · 09/09/2021 17:04

I think you saying something to him has probably upset him to be honest, he could live alone and that could be his only human interaction which he probably thought was completely innocent but now will be worried to do anything like that again.

SeaShoreGalore · 09/09/2021 17:04

I hope you called him a paedo whilst you were at it.

JudgeJ · 09/09/2021 17:04

@WitchBaby

Poor old man. You actually approached him afterwards? Madness.
Presumably the next time he notices a mother neglecting her child's toy on the floor he'll leave it there!
Clymene · 09/09/2021 17:04

He touched your baby's face?? OMG. He probably has cooties ShockShockShock

I'm surprised you accepted the toy back given he'd touched that too

JudgeJ · 09/09/2021 17:05

@NotAnotherPylon

Well, thanks to your reaction, he sure as hell won't touch another child's face in a hurry. Thank Christ for that, eh?
He'll also leave the toy on the floor.
bookh · 09/09/2021 17:05

Sometimes though you have to think about how your own behaviour impacts on others.

Elderly man picks up toy and interacts with small child.

Mother approaches and tells him it upset her.

Older man is upset for days, feels terrible. Goes over his actions, should he not help people, approach people, talk to people....where does he draw the line. Can he look at children, smile, say hello.

My dad once stopped and asked a lady for directions in a small village. She ran away. He pulled in and got his flask out, had a cuppa, and left s message for the school to call him back with more info. he delivered mobility equipment as part of a school janitor role in rural community to disabled children. She called the police. Police turned up. He explained the situation. He was a nervous wreck for weeks.

Just pause for thought sometimes.

Clymene · 09/09/2021 17:06

@Lily019

When my son was only a few weeks old, my neighbour and relatively new friend, picked him up to cuddle him and kissed him all over his face and mouth. Made me a bit sick at the time, but my neighbour had never been able to have her own children and adored all babies. I kept quiet even though i really didnt like it. He survived and my neighbour was happy. The older generation dont seem to see anything wrong with touching other people's children in an affectionate way. But I do get where you are coming from.
But he'd us to kiss or cuddle or grab the baby. He just touched his cheek.

So not remotely comparable

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 09/09/2021 17:06

@Cuddlypinkcat

Definitely a generational thing. Young mums now are way more neurotic about these things.
So it seems!!
Samanabanana · 09/09/2021 17:06

I would have done the same OP. It's not acceptable to touch someone else's DC regardless of age or intention. We need to teach our children boundaries and that starts at an early age with you protecting them. YANBU.

MonkeyPuddle · 09/09/2021 17:07

I don’t understand why you were so upset about it if it’s not a hygiene/risk thing. I feel really bad for him.

Notapheasantplucker · 09/09/2021 17:07

Oh ffs get a grip. It upset you...really? Confused

Pemmican · 09/09/2021 17:08

Presumably the next time he notices a mother neglecting her child's toy on the floor he'll leave it there!

Yep. And he won't bother to hold a door open, or help a mum struggling to get a pushchair down the stairs, or any of the other myriad small kindnesses that people like the OP would be the first to bitch and moan about if they weren't forthcoming.

Slow handclap for you, OP. Well done - you've saved your precious from Old People Germs.

JudgeJ · 09/09/2021 17:08

@Soubriquet

People talk about “it takes a village” but doesn’t actually want that village to help…and the complains when it doesn’t

I know some people worry about kidnapping but honestly this poor woman would have taken 10 mins to even get out of her seat

As they used to say in the NW when I lived there 'they want the cake and th'alfpenny'.
romdowa · 09/09/2021 17:08

I'm actually shocked that you went after him and shared your discomfort, if that was my father and he told me about it after , I'd probably tell him to take no notice that you were off your head. 🙄🙄 what did you gain from speaking to him about it? Did it make you feel better?

MintyGreenDream · 09/09/2021 17:08

I used to get elderly people putting silver in ds pram,it's supposed to be good luck.

Original poster
summerisler · 09/09/2021 17:08

Blimey. Well, consider me put in my place! I’ve been called aggressive, possessive, ridiculous, a dick, horrible and more. Thanks all. Consider my curiosity well and truly sated!

OP posts:
DragonflyFairy · 09/09/2021 17:08

I have a baby, a little younger than yours. I thought I would be upset about things like this but actually, I love seeing older people interact with him. I find it really endearing and heartwarming and I am not a people person in the slightest!

I think some of the replies here are unnecessarily harsh but I think you over reacted slightly, however polite you were.
Anyone who smiles at and is kind to a baby can only be a good thing!

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