Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think that close friends would offer to babysit?

287 replies

Overthebow · 07/09/2021 21:07

We had a baby last year. We have no family to help, but we do have a lot of close, or so I thought, friends. Me and DH haven’t had any time together just is because we don’t have anyone to babysit. All our friends have family who regularly babysit and are always going on about date nights together, I’ve even offered to babysit for friends and get told no because their DPs or other family babysit for them. We’ve had chats about how hard I’m finding it and how my relationship is suffering but still no one has offered. AIBU to think that you would offer for a close friend? Just once every now and again?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 07/09/2021 21:08

Have you ever asked them?

babouchette · 07/09/2021 21:09

Honestly? No. I don't even expect it of family tbh. I pay for a babysitter if I need one.

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 07/09/2021 21:09

Have you tried asking?

Susannahmoody · 07/09/2021 21:09

I used to think this. Now I don't. Because people just don't offer!

Rainallnight · 07/09/2021 21:10

We’re in your position. It would be nice but we pay for a babysitter

Comedycook · 07/09/2021 21:10

I know it's hard but generally friends don't offer to babysit, especially those with their own children.

I had a friend with no local family who wanted me to babysit when I had a baby myself. She would drop hints but I just felt like I couldn't do it unless in an emergency.

I have some family help but not loads so I used a babysitting agency which I was very happy with.

NotYourCupOfTea · 07/09/2021 21:10

Yabu pay for childcare and then problem solved you can go out

AdriannaP · 07/09/2021 21:10

Ask directly and offer to return the favour - how often do you babysit your friends children.

Or do what most parents without family support do and pay for a babysitter so you can have a night out.

shapes1 · 07/09/2021 21:11

I think in your circumstances I would have expected one of them to offer. Because I'm guessing they know u don't have family and then u have told them in convo you are struggling for alone time wuth partner so yeah bearing all that in mind I'm surprised no one has offered

2typesofjungle · 07/09/2021 21:11

I'm in the same position, but I pay a babysitter to watch my children if I need to go somewhere. You can't expect favours from anyone, they don't owe you.

Bayleaf25 · 07/09/2021 21:11

Can you afford a babysitter? Obviously would have to be someone experienced since you have a relatively young baby. We used to get one of the nursery workers from little ones nursery.

Housewife2010 · 07/09/2021 21:12

We were on the same position as you. We had no family nearby. However, I wouldn't expect friends to babysit and if they offer it's a bonus. Occasionally we had to pay for a babysitter if we had to go out.

cochineal7 · 07/09/2021 21:12

Pay for a babysitter? It would not occur to me to offer to babysit so friends could have a date-night.

HelplessProcrastinator · 07/09/2021 21:12

The only times I would ask a friend is if they have DC similar ages and would reciprocate. I hate babysitting and would rather go without nights out with DH to be honest. We just have takeaway and wine with a film at home mostly.

AdriannaP · 07/09/2021 21:12

If you are not willing to return the favour or have offered too then YABU. Pay for childcare for the odd night out!

And yes it’s tough we also don’t have family support. Never expected friends to offer though, now that DC is older we exchange favours.

Original poster
Overthebow · 07/09/2021 21:12

I know I should just ask but im not in a good place at the moment and scared of them saying no and looking stupid. We can’t really afford a babysitter, round here the going rate is £10 per hour do £20 or £30 on top of food or drinks is out of our budget.

OP posts:
moita · 07/09/2021 21:12

Have you asked? The baby sound still quite young. Sorry I probably wouldn't think to offer but that's probably because I never left mine at that age, just wouldn't think of it.
But if someone asked me I'd be happy to help.

Also have they got young kids themselves? I very rarely get a night away so my first thought wouldn't be to spend it babysitting!

You can't expect people to be mindreaders

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2021 21:12

So these friends all have kids of their own? So are you hoping theyll add yours to their brood so you can go out? Do they have room? Or leave their kids at home to have yours?

I think its a lot to ask

How old is baby?

Narutocrazyfox · 07/09/2021 21:12

God no. I'd never offer to babysit friends children. And I would never expect friends to babysit mine!

I sympathise that you do not have family to help, but perhaps you could look into hiring a babysitter?

Doomscrolling · 07/09/2021 21:13

Hell no! You need to find a paid babysitter. Your (also knackered parents) friends aren’t going to volunteer to look after your baby when they are worn out looking after their own.

Original poster
Overthebow · 07/09/2021 21:13

I would absolutely reciprocated and have offered. Friends kids are all of a similar age.

OP posts:
Lonelylooloo · 07/09/2021 21:14

Nooooooo
It would be one thing if they were childless, well rested and energetic but expecting other parents of small children to baby sit your small children is like expecting a drowning man to save another slightly more drowning man Hmm

Just because they have a bit of help from family does not mean they aren’t struggling themselves, that occasional date night is probably all that’s keeping their heads above water.

I have 2 under 2 and thank Christ I do have help 1/2 times a week from DP/PIL because otherwise I would quite literally lose my mind but that bit of help I get just about keeps me sane I have absolutely no capacity to babysit for anyone else right now. My MH is barely passable and I’m exhausted.

PurpleDaisies · 07/09/2021 21:14

@Overthebow

I know I should just ask but im not in a good place at the moment and scared of them saying no and looking stupid. We can’t really afford a babysitter, round here the going rate is £10 per hour do £20 or £30 on top of food or drinks is out of our budget.
You cant reasonably be annoyed if you haven’t asked. They’re not mind readers.
Original poster
Overthebow · 07/09/2021 21:15

I am probably BU then. It’s just something I would, and have offered for all my friends, especially if I knew they were struggling. Obviously I’m in the minority!

OP posts:
JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 07/09/2021 21:15

No way. None of my friends have ever offered and I'd never ask nor feel comfortable with them doing it.
I think yabu

Swipe left for the next trending thread