Aibu to think that close friends would offer to babysit?

[Overthebow]

We had a baby last year. We have no family to help, but we do have a lot of close, or so I thought, friends. Me and DH haven’t had any time together just is because we don’t have anyone to babysit. All our friends have family who regularly babysit and are always going on about date nights together, I’ve even offered to babysit for friends and get told no because their DPs or other family babysit for them. We’ve had chats about how hard I’m finding it and how my relationship is suffering but still no one has offered. AIBU to think that you would offer for a close friend? Just once every now and again?

Maybe we were just lucky, but it is literally no work to look after a sleeping child. As long as your child reliably sleeps for a few hours once you've settled them to sleep, I don't understand how it can be draining or a massive effort to babysit them! I found it quite restful to sit in someone else's nice tidy house and eat their biscuits.

So, on the back of this thread, I offered to babysit. They nearly bit my arm off!

@TicTacHoh

I’ve never babysat for friends nor have they done it for me. It’s not something I would ever expect anyone to do. Family, or pay a sitter. What do you expect kids to do with their kids while they sit yours?

My husband looked after our kids while I sat for friends. Or he sat and I stayed with ours. Obviously, you have to limit your babysitting swaps to other couples in a similar situation to you.

I wouldn't offer to babysit a 15 month old. Possibly an older child who I knew very well and if there was no chance of them waking up.

I wouldn’t expect my friends to offer to babysit. In fact, I wouldn’t expect my family to either. DD’s grandparents offer and we occasionally take them up on it but if they didn’t I wouldn’t ask.

It would be one thing if they were childless, well rested and energetic

I'm all those things and still wouldn't offer to babysit a friends kids.

I'd 100% offer and have done!

Where are you OP?

Yabu. You shouldn’t expect people to offer. It’s your baby for you to look after it. It’s a bonus if someone does offer but shouldn’t be expected. Our eldest is disabled, now an adult. No one has ever offered to look after him. Nights out are not an option and haven’t been for 20 odd years. Our relationship has never suffered because of lack of nights out.

@hangrylady

Just ask. I'll always babysit friends kids if they ask me and I'm free but I wouldn't volunteer as looking after other people's children is a chore IMO

Same here, if a friend or family asks - and I'm available - I am more than happy to babysit any time but I wouldn't just randomly offer to babysit on a specific day.

The only time I would proactively offer is if we were chatting and they said something like "We're planing to try and get tickets for XYZ/book a table at ABC on Saturday but we'll have to check if my mum/sister/MIL/BIL can babysit first". If I knew I was free on Saturday then I would either straight out offer to babysit or say something like 'If you have no luck with the family, I'm free Saturday and don't mind babysitting for you so just shoot me a text once you've asked the family if you still need a babysitter

What do you expect kids to do with their kids while they sit yours?

My DH has stayed at home with our child or I've had them over for a sleepover if it's easier.

In fact, I'm off to a show with my friend and her Dh in a few weeks and my DH is looking after the kids. I'll probably suggest they sleep over so we don't need to hurry back.

But what of they don’t need the favour? If you have plentiful babysitting offers, you won’t.

Ok if you're in a position where you have plentiful free babysitting then I can get why you wouldn't. But I don't think that many people do. Also the people I reciprocate for, yes, some do have willing grandparents, but they're also mindful that it can be tiring for grandparents to babysit all the time and so this is another welcome option. We're not talking anything more than a meal/drinks out. Kids are usually in bed already and it's maximum 4-5 hours. I just honestly don't see the problem. I'm happy to offer and then it's reciprocated.

Seems I would be in the minority here, I have 1 DC of my own and would absolutely babysit for friends and have offered in the past, more recently for a friend with 3 DC under 6 who was going through a rough patch with her DH. I mean, why wouldn't I? She is my friend!!