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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that he should just take his key with him, and that him being locked out is not my fault?

182 replies

PODSNAPPERER · 06/09/2021 21:03

I have a lodger.

Said lodger is a bit odd about taking things with him when he leaves the house, such as his phone, his keys, a shopping list, anything.

I work nights (from home) and as such am often asleep at odd times during the day when most people are up.

Some time ago I was asleep, lodger went out, I got up and also went out. When I got back he said he had to walk to my Mum's to get her spare key because I'd locked him out, and that he didn't know I was going out so hadn't taken his key. I said 'But you didn't know I was staying in either, so why wouldn't you have your key with you?'

If he goes shopping he often comes back without things as he couldn't find them. We do our own shopping separately as a rule but now and again will offer to pick up things for the other. In the past he's brought me sweet chilli sauce instead of hot chilli sauce, and a bag of lettuce instead of a bag of stir fry because he didn't take his glasses with him so couldn't see what the label said.

When I asked why he wouldn't take his glasses shopping he said because he knows where all his own things are and what they look like so it isn't usually a problem. He says things as to why he doesn't take his phone and keys like 'no pockets in summer' (!).

I've often rang him when he's gone out, for whatever reason and he's not got his 'phone. Odd, but fair enough, up to him however he will then complain if I've tried to ring/message him to say 'I'm going x do you want anything' or 'I'm going to the pub/event/whatever do you want to come?' and he's missed the message.

Anyway today I start work at 20:15.
I woke at 1900 from my nap and decided to go for a quick run, having not been able to earlier because It's so hot.

Lodger is out with the dog (she's my dog but he walks her often just because he likes to, fine).

I get back at about 19:40, and lock the door behind me as I am going in the shower. Lodger still not back.

When I go back downstairs he's in and he's LIVID with me. I also have a message on my phone to the lines of 'Why the fuck did I lock the door, he's had to go all the way to my Mum's for her spare key and he was already hot and bothered and had been out longer than he wanted and I shouldn't have locked the door etc etc'

I ignored the msg and said 'Lodger, if you go out, you take your key with you, it is not my fault if you choose not to.' I also reminded him that if we're both in and I go out for a run, I always ask do I need my key-It's nicer to not have to carry my key, sure but if I need it, if he may go out, I'll take it, we have to be responsible for these things.

'You only think of yourself! You don't think of anyone else! You knew I was out so you should have waited until I get back!'

'I didn't know you didn't have your key. You're a grown man, I am not responsible for your locking yourself out.'

'You're selfish! I never take my key!'

'You should! Adults have house keys for a reason! I couldn't have waited, I had limited time before starting work. You need to take your key with you if you're going out'.

'Well I never will!'
'Stop whinging then!'

AIBU?

Happy to be told so, honestly I just cannot get my head around him thinking it is a good idea to go out without one?

And he absolutely had his pockets in his trousers. He should have locked the door while leaving the house anyway, IMO as I was in bed and anyone could have walked in.

Let me have it MN. :)

OP posts:
stupiduser · 06/09/2021 21:05

You need a new lodger

NeverDropYourMooncup · 06/09/2021 21:06

Jesus Fucking Christ, why haven't you given this utter knob his notice by now?

MedusasBadHairDay · 06/09/2021 21:07

He sounds like a complete dick.

Cherrysoup · 06/09/2021 21:07

I’d tell him to fuck off, quite frankly, plus I’d take the key back off your mum so he does have a get out clause. Very bizarre. I’d tell him next time he texts you like that, he’ll have his marching orders. Rude fuck.

Cherrysoup · 06/09/2021 21:07

*doesn’t have

WTFMIL · 06/09/2021 21:08

Get rid of the lodger, piss taking idiot he is

ThePlantsitter · 06/09/2021 21:08

You're absolutely NBU!! If there's some reason you don't want him to leave (I'm not sure I could deal with him), get a coded key safe for the key.

ActonSquirrel · 06/09/2021 21:08

Why the fuck did I lock the door, he's had to go all the way to my Mum's for her spare key and he was already hot and bothered and had been out longer than he wanted and I shouldn't have locked the door etc etc'

Get out my house would have been my response.

PODSNAPPERER · 06/09/2021 21:08

Okay, I really didn't think I was BU but sometimes other people's contexts helps.

He's normally pleasant! He isn't normally rude, and I've not seen him angry before but he really was annoyed with me tonight and doesn't seem to see my point of view at all.

He is being fine now, for what It's worth!

OP posts:
Alternista · 06/09/2021 21:08

What a weird dynamic you both have.

Blessex · 06/09/2021 21:09

Knob. Even my teenage kids know to take a key when they go out just in case I have popped out. And they are kids. And my kids at that. Not a grown man and somebody you have zero parental responsibility / care over.

Planty13 · 06/09/2021 21:10

Do you usually get on well?

That’s so strange and I’d stay firm on your stance too. You aren’t his mother!

GoWalkabout · 06/09/2021 21:10

He is being ridiculous rude and entitled for sure. Are his messages jokey or aggressive in tone because it sounds a bit nasty. I think yours are fine.

PyjamaFan · 06/09/2021 21:10

Time for a new lodger.

EccentricaGalumbits · 06/09/2021 21:10

Out on his ear.

ANameChangeAgain · 06/09/2021 21:11

You're his landlady, not his mum.
Tell him to invest in having a keysafe fitted at your home, somewhere obviously out of view from passers by.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 06/09/2021 21:12

Tell him if he doesn’t like it, find other lodgings. It is your house and you will do as you please.

Alvinne · 06/09/2021 21:12

YANB at all, he sounds like a total pain!

CanofCant · 06/09/2021 21:12

Have you written about him before? The part about him walking your dog rings a bell. I would get rid of him, who the fuck does he think he is speaking to you like that? This mess is of his own making.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 06/09/2021 21:12

Waiting for the drip feed that the lodger is OP'S son. That can be the only reason that they would expect to not have to worry about keys etc.

billy1966 · 06/09/2021 21:13

@ActonSquirrel

Why the fuck did I lock the door, he's had to go all the way to my Mum's for her spare key and he was already hot and bothered and had been out longer than he wanted and I shouldn't have locked the door etc etc'

Get out my house would have been my response.

This.

Are you desperate for money to have such an arse living with you?

Bargebill19 · 06/09/2021 21:13

You don’t have a lodger, you’ve got yourself a teenager called Kevin.

PODSNAPPERER · 06/09/2021 21:13

We're normally fine.
I do find his aversion to taking his phone out with him a bit bizarre, and he has some weird quirks but don't we all. We've known one another a long time and he's clean and tidy and helpful, likes living here, we help one another out, not usually any major issues.

But I just didn't think I was in the wrong here, adults take their keys when they leave their home don't they? And it isn't up to me to limit my life (ie not go for a run if I want to) because he might not have taken his?

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 06/09/2021 21:14

I'm not sure what you expected.
You write as if he's an absolute dickhead.
Of course he's being unreasonable and you're not. What do you expect people to say...
You need a new lodger. Sounds so petulant.

Hoppinggreen · 06/09/2021 21:16

Bargebill best me to it
I was going to say that unless he’s your 15 year old son chuck him out

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