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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this CF’ery or am I just a mean spirited old grump.

408 replies

Missymisenthrope · 05/09/2021 12:28

I’ve lost perspective on this so am hoping you’ll all put me straight. I live on a street that leads down to a train station and is close to town so residents require parking permits. We can also pay extra (£12 per year) for a visitors permit. My next door neighbours moved in about seven years ago and since then they have borrowed my visitors permit EVERY single time they have visitors, which is most weekends. I live alone and they are a family with small children, they get a lot more visitors than me. I’ve made the odd comment about getting their own permit but they always laugh it off with things like ‘oh I know, we’re terrible with admin’ etc. I know for a fact it’s not a question of money for them, I think they just can’t be bothered when they can use mine all the time. Incidentally, they very often knock the door for me to ‘lend’ them milk/sugar/store cupboard ingredients. It’s really getting to the point where I feel like refusing to lend it to them anymore because I feel resentful about it. Is that silly?
My question is, AIBU to feel this is cheeky or am I just being a mean spirited cow? If I’m not using it what’s the problem etc.

OP posts:
TheGirlInTheGreenDress · 05/09/2021 12:31

You are not being mean spirited but until you say no, they are not going to stop. Do they do anything in return?

HaroldMeeker · 05/09/2021 12:32

I don't think you're being mean. I think you're feeling taken for granted and that your generosity is being abused. You're allowed to say "no, that's not possible" and close the door.

SunbathingDragon · 05/09/2021 12:33

As you aren’t using it, I don’t see the issue but as it’s annoying you there is no reason to continue obliging when they ask for things.

forrestgreen · 05/09/2021 12:33

Sorry I don't think you gave it back last time....

Flatdisco · 05/09/2021 12:34

Seven months would be stretching it for me! But if poss understand with moving and small children as time gets away from you. But seven years takes the piss. If I was them I'd be worried if you weren't in when I had guests or if we had them at the same time. As well as feeling like was massively taking the piss! But mumsnet has taught me some people don't care about taking the piss.

Could you say you're having a guest stay soon so they really need to get their own? If you don't want to be upfront and tell them they're ckeeky fukers.

DocAutumn · 05/09/2021 12:35

Ynbu, you are not a corner shop. If there is a railway station near you there is probably somewhere they could go to quickly for milk etc. Borrowing a parking pass until they get sorted with one once maybe twice is fine. Not bothering getting one because they have yours is not fine.

Flatdisco · 05/09/2021 12:35

@forrestgreen

Sorry I don't think you gave it back last time....
Hahah! Good one!
HarryBoa · 05/09/2021 12:35

They're the type of people who will take a mile now that you've given them an inch. If you don't want a confrontation just tell them sorry you've lost your pass next time they ask. Then sorry you've got no sugar/ salt / bread / milk in at the moment. Keep doing it.

Overthebow · 05/09/2021 12:35

Just say no?

Cheguevarahamster · 05/09/2021 12:36

Go and ask them for something every day. (,tea, sugar etc). I bet they will give you short shrift. They are being very cheeky.

velvetslippers · 05/09/2021 12:37

My parents live in the same kind of road down the road from a station. They've found themselves in the height of popularity ever since its introduction.
They just say no.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/09/2021 12:37

Yeah they’re being cheeky!

Maybe you can say it’s their turn to buy the communal visitor permit for the next seven years?

Hankunamatata · 05/09/2021 12:39

Do they return anything? Do anything nice for you?

thecapitalsunited · 05/09/2021 12:39

Haven’t you lost it? And oh dear you’re terrible with admin so don’t know when you’ll be getting a new one?

PuppyMonkey · 05/09/2021 12:39

I think the “don’t think you gave it back last time” line is perfect. Might send them into a flap that they really didn’t return it. Means you get out of giving it this time.

Mountainpika · 05/09/2021 12:40

Send them a bill for the proportion of times they've used your pass over the years. Why should you pay for them? And tell them you've not got one any more that they can use. Which is perfectly true. Just make sure you word it correctly!
And if they want to borrow - no, you haven't got any to spare.

romdowa · 05/09/2021 12:40

I'd tell them I didn't bother renewing it this year.

WeegieWan · 05/09/2021 12:40

Say 'Sure - that'll be £12 please....' Or you could just charge them a pound a go - you could end up in some decent profit if they are borrowing it every weekend!Grin

Travis1 · 05/09/2021 12:41

Ooops sorry. My friend forgot to take it back out the other day so I don’t have it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Missymisenthrope · 05/09/2021 12:43

Thank you for your replies. I am very aware that I’ve made this bed I am now lying in by letting it go on so long. It didn’t bother me to begin with especially not when they first moved in and sorting that kind of thing is a faff. However, now feel like I’m paying for and organising their parking permit since they have it mor often than I do. I know that ‘no’ is a complete sentence, I just need to get (much) better at using it.

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 05/09/2021 12:44

YANBU. They’re just being lazy and are taking advantage of you.

Toddlerteaplease · 05/09/2021 12:45

Just tell them to buy their own!

Beamur · 05/09/2021 12:45

I think a polite get out is to say you had a guest borrow it and they forgot to give it back so you don't have it right now.
Do they replace the borrowed items? If so, I don't think that would bother me, but if you find it annoying be less amenable.

CelloYouveGotABass · 05/09/2021 12:45

Could you get them the forms for the pass? It may be a very round about way of “encouraging” them to sort it out?

Missymisenthrope · 05/09/2021 12:46

No they do not return the favour but in fairness I’ve never asked them to. If I don’t have something then I go out and buy it.

OP posts: