Is this CF’ery or am I just a mean spirited old grump.

[Missymisenthrope]

I’ve lost perspective on this so am hoping you’ll all put me straight. I live on a street that leads down to a train station and is close to town so residents require parking permits. We can also pay extra (£12 per year) for a visitors permit. My next door neighbours moved in about seven years ago and since then they have borrowed my visitors permit EVERY single time they have visitors, which is most weekends. I live alone and they are a family with small children, they get a lot more visitors than me. I’ve made the odd comment about getting their own permit but they always laugh it off with things like ‘oh I know, we’re terrible with admin’ etc. I know for a fact it’s not a question of money for them, I think they just can’t be bothered when they can use mine all the time. Incidentally, they very often knock the door for me to ‘lend’ them milk/sugar/store cupboard ingredients. It’s really getting to the point where I feel like refusing to lend it to them anymore because I feel resentful about it. Is that silly?
My question is, AIBU to feel this is cheeky or am I just being a mean spirited cow? If I’m not using it what’s the problem etc.

add the work 'no' to your vocabulary. 'no' I'm expecting guests' 'no I think you really need to get your own permit'

just read your update OP - WELL BLOODY DONE YOU!!! CFs will get annoyed and talk about their inability to do CFfckery with you but WHO CARES!! NOT YOU!! HOORAH!!

I expect they won't be back to "borrow" sugar etc, now that you've been assertive.

However, if they come to the door asking to borrow sugar. Do this.

Say "wait a minute" and then step out of your door, turn round, look up at your house. Say "hmmmmm that's really strange! Curious...."
When they say "what?"
Shout "It doesn't say TESCO above my door, you CFs, go put your hand in your own pocket and visit an actual supermarket, rather than constantly scrounging off other people!!"
Walk back in, shut door. Job done.

Oh my! What a wonderful update OP. Thank you

Well done op. So pleased you sorted things. Yes they were definitely taking liberties, for 7 years too!!! To lie to their neighbour, that you had their guest pass!!! Naughty. Cannot believe they expected you to share your Netflix password too!!! Cheeky beggars!

CF's never just have one victim.

Well done in uniting your whole street.😁

Well they say it takes a village to raise a child - and a single gossiping gardener to take down a cheeky fucker.

Excellent. It’s like something out of Rosemary & Thyme

@NapoleonOzmolysis; @JingsMahBucket - this silliness has proper cheered me up - ta!

Perfect ending OP 👌

Christ they have a brass neck for straight up asking for stuff
And until now it’s paid off, parking permits,cake tins.lawn mowers, free shopping

Unbelievable CFery!!!! This update is so brilliant OP. It's like waiting for an epic episode of your favourite soap, only better!
Well done. You and your street pals have Cojones!

@Beamur

I think a polite get out is to say you had a guest borrow it and they forgot to give it back so you don't have it right now. Do they replace the borrowed items? If so, I don't think that would bother me, but if you find it annoying be less amenable.

Why should OP lie to be polite; isn’t that a bit pointless? It’s not going to solve the problem the following weekend is it?

Ahahahahaah - I think I love your gossipy neighbour!

What an excellent outcome - CFs outed to everyone in street, no one will lend them a pass or probably even a teabag now! And CF friends can fuck off too - aahahhahahahaa!

Superb.

Love this update. What do CFs do when all avenues are cut off? Will they just move to a new patch and begin the process again?

I think my 'polite' get out has long since been eclipsed by the revelation of extensive CF-ery! Just 'no' will do

@trulyconfuseddotcom

Definitely agree with what *@DifferentHair* suggested, with a small addition:

'you can borrow it today but I need to let you know this is the last time. Passing it back and forth is not working for me. It's really time you registered your own - I realised the other day that it's been SEVEN YEARS.'

You shouldn't feel like you have to lie or make up a random excuse every time they ask, you've done nothing wrong and they really are being exceptionally cheeky!

This

Will be hard to say but much easier in the long run, than making excuses all the time.

@MattDamon

For the sake of £12, I'd gift them their own and ignore them the rest of the time.

Why do so many people on here like to appease cheeky people? Maybe you could suggest they pay for your renewal next year, £12 for 7 years is a good deal for them.

@Abitofalark

Do they ever give or buy you something, say a present at Christmas, as a recognition of your good neighbourliness in supplying them with permits and milk, bread and whatever, whenever? It would be a sign of reciprocating goodwill if they did. Otherwise you will feel you are being taken for granted and shown no consideration when you have been gracious to them. I wouldn't blame you for feeling resentful.

Just start being less available and a change in their behaviour will come about slowly. You've mislaid/ lent your permit and remark casually that you might not bother getting another one as you rarely use it. Will it be okay to borrow theirs?

On the next provisions visit, say you have changed your shopping habits or you're short of everything lately since the recent problems with supplies to supermarkets...'Isn't it terrible...no lorry drivers and with the state of things, I may be coming to you one of these days...ta ra, see you soon.' (You fervently hope not.)

Maybe for Christmas buy some sugar, tea, biscuits from Poundland and make them a hamper and print off the instructions for applying for a parking permit!

@AvoidingNextdoorNeighbour

I got so hacked off with mine not bothering to buy regular household items that when I was in B&M once I bought a £1.50 mop bucket, a £4 sweeping brush and some other random kitchen item they were always wanting to borrow. It was a cheat but it was well worth it for less than a tenner. I've also bought new items for myself and given them the ones they were constantly borrowing. (CHEAP or old tart stuff only, I'm a wuss but not rich) Crazy.

Years ago we had a neighbour who always needed to 'borrow' stuff she would replace it but with the cheapest option available, we're not loaded but I do tend to buy less but good quality food, eg meat. I started to save all her replacements so when she wanted to 'borrow' some mince I got out the cheap stuff from the freezer, after a few times she stopped asking!

@JudgeJ - genius!

@JudgeJ I used to buy hugely reduced near date cheap margarine but the shelf load and freeze it for my baking. After I got sick of always "lending" butter I started to get the 20p or so packs out of the freezer. My real butter is fucking expensive!

OP. I have had a hideously stressful day at work and this thread has given me life!!! Thank you!!

The Netflix request!!!

THE OCADO ORDER!!!

Excellent work standing up to these massive massive twats.

Well done OP! I always think there are givers takers in life- they are definitely takers! Don't think they will give up though, think they will keep trying their luck, if not with you with others.

I know, that saying NO is not as easy as it sounds. Please, for you, try to say NO. You clearly don't have it any longer. They need to contact the Local Authority.
Please may I suggest, talking to someone in your Local Authority? You Are NOT alone!! I promise. I have been helped, so much, by my local Council, I can't begin to tell you. There is no discrimination - everyone deserves a little help sometimes.

What a thrilling thread! So happy tht you were so strong in telling them "no"! Go you!

@Missymisenthrope - Just wondering if the CFer neighbours have been back asking for anything (parking permit/butter/milk/your first born/anything) since you said no to them?