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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this CF’ery or am I just a mean spirited old grump.

408 replies

Missymisenthrope · 05/09/2021 12:28

I’ve lost perspective on this so am hoping you’ll all put me straight. I live on a street that leads down to a train station and is close to town so residents require parking permits. We can also pay extra (£12 per year) for a visitors permit. My next door neighbours moved in about seven years ago and since then they have borrowed my visitors permit EVERY single time they have visitors, which is most weekends. I live alone and they are a family with small children, they get a lot more visitors than me. I’ve made the odd comment about getting their own permit but they always laugh it off with things like ‘oh I know, we’re terrible with admin’ etc. I know for a fact it’s not a question of money for them, I think they just can’t be bothered when they can use mine all the time. Incidentally, they very often knock the door for me to ‘lend’ them milk/sugar/store cupboard ingredients. It’s really getting to the point where I feel like refusing to lend it to them anymore because I feel resentful about it. Is that silly?
My question is, AIBU to feel this is cheeky or am I just being a mean spirited cow? If I’m not using it what’s the problem etc.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 05/09/2021 13:48

Yep I’d just say I’d misplaced it and ¯shrug - they won’t stop until they have to.

TurquoiseDragon · 05/09/2021 13:49

@starfishmummy

I would be suspicious about the pass. Apparently people in my area (also walking distance of a station) are selling their visitors passes to commuters.
You might be on to something here.
Wineandroses3 · 05/09/2021 13:53

You are not mean spirited at all , they are hard faced cheeky *! Next time they want to borrow something just say oh sorry I haven’t got any, it will take a while for the message to get through cos it always does with CFs like this. I would try not to fall out with them. When does the visitors pass renew? When it runs out just tell them you haven’t renewed it. Don’t let them take Astor you cos you are on your own. You sound like you’ve already been very kind to them but they are now taking the pss! xx 💐

JamieNorthlife · 05/09/2021 13:54

YANBU, next time they ask you for a resident permit, can you tell them that they used the last one you had and you have been "bad with admin " and did not have time to get some more?

Wineandroses3 · 05/09/2021 13:54

Advantage not Astor !

DifferentHair · 05/09/2021 13:56

Another one guessing they have a permit but they're renting it to someone.

It's a nuisance for you. I think you can say politely next time they ask 'you can borrow it today but I need to let you know this is the last time. Passing it back and forth is not working for me. It's really time you registered your own.'

daisypond · 05/09/2021 13:56

@JamieNorthlife

YANBU, next time they ask you for a resident permit, can you tell them that they used the last one you had and you have been "bad with admin " and did not have time to get some more?
It sounds like the in the OP’s area, it is just one visitor permit for a year that can be re-used as many times as you like. In mine, each permit only lasts a day.
Neveranynamesleft · 05/09/2021 13:57

Next time they ask to borrow the permit you could say that you were just looking for it earlier and couldnt find it so no they cant borrow it.
Next time they ask for some sugar/ coffee/tea/whatever just say that you dont have any.
Keep practising saying no. It will get easier.

Muchasgracias · 05/09/2021 13:58

Is there any reason the council wouldn’t give them one? Like, maybe target abused the system in the past and have been black listed? All this asking if you know anyone else with a permit and years of using yours suggests they have a reason for not applying for one rather than being plain lazy…

KaptainKaveman · 05/09/2021 13:59

@lottiegarbanzo

I don't think it's about the £12. People just get stuck in habits and build up admin tasks to appear bigger than they are. They probably enjoy the neighbourly connection element and tell their friends what a lovely, friendly community they live in.
Utter bollocks I'm afraid, They are just CFs.
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/09/2021 14:01

I'd say you cant find it or a friend accidentally drove off with it

JamieNorthlife · 05/09/2021 14:02

@daisypond,

I thought it was like mine, the scratchy ones, that can only be used per day. In this case they could be renting theirs to others.

JamieNorthlife · 05/09/2021 14:03

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I'd say you cant find it or a friend accidentally drove off with it
Perfect! Grin
category12 · 05/09/2021 14:05

I'd just say
"oh I can't find it"
"oh I've a guest due shortly"
"oh I think my last visitor forgot to give it back"
"oh I haven't got it back yet"
"oh I lost it and haven't got a replacement"
and a variety of excuses until they give up asking.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/09/2021 14:07

I have had to say no many times when I’ve had visitors too (that and chase to get it back off them so that my visitors can use it!)

How long until they claim they "lost it", while actually keeping it for their own use ... and if you challenge them on seeing it in a car, claim it's "the one they applied for"?

The odd loan of whatever may not matter in itself, but it's part of a bigger picture, and if they asked who else in the street has a permit (and therefore have time to hassle others too) then they've got time to sort their own

Only you can choose, OP, but this isn't going to get any better unless you make it

FetchezLaVache · 05/09/2021 14:07

Every time they ask from now on, say no because you might be having a visitor yourself. If they are cheeky enough to ask who else on the street they might tap up for on, just tell them to apply for their own!

ChargingBuck · 05/09/2021 14:10

"I'm using it as a bookmark, so can't lend it"

"No, I used it last week & don't want to wear it out"

"I might need to use it next week, & don't want it getting crumpled"

"It's in my special lucky pocket, & it would be bad luck to remove it before the next full moon"

category12 · 05/09/2021 14:11

@ChargingBuck

"I'm using it as a bookmark, so can't lend it"

"No, I used it last week & don't want to wear it out"

"I might need to use it next week, & don't want it getting crumpled"

"It's in my special lucky pocket, & it would be bad luck to remove it before the next full moon"

Grin
SirVixofVixHall · 05/09/2021 14:11

@SnoopyLights

Definitely say no next time.

If you can't just outright say no, you can try:

I may need it that day for visitors / a delivery, so it would be best if you apply for your own.

I haven't renewed mine yet so it would be best if you apply for one as well.

Someone else has borrowed it so you should apply for one of your own.

Also, you haven't yet done the big shop, and if you have, you forgot to buy the one thing they are asking to borrow, and you ran out of milk, and the butter has gone off and the flour is out of date, and you've discovered a slug's nest so you need all the salt, the bread has gone mouldy, and you're not using sugar anymore, and the dog got into the pantry and ate everything else they might possibly want to borrow, including your visitors permit, so actually you're going to need them to lend you a large bottle of wine and their half of the permit fee for the past seven years.

Definitely this.
BlackShadowCat · 05/09/2021 14:14

Wait, 7 years!?

That's crazy. Why on Earth haven't they done it. You just need to say no and leave them to it.

HollowTalk · 05/09/2021 14:15

How far away is the shop?

trulyconfuseddotcom · 05/09/2021 14:15

Definitely agree with what @DifferentHair suggested, with a small addition:

'you can borrow it today but I need to let you know this is the last time. Passing it back and forth is not working for me. It's really time you registered your own - I realised the other day that it's been SEVEN YEARS.'

You shouldn't feel like you have to lie or make up a random excuse every time they ask, you've done nothing wrong and they really are being exceptionally cheeky!

ElizabethTudor · 05/09/2021 14:17

@forrestgreen

Sorry I don't think you gave it back last time....
This is perfect.
ElizabethTudor · 05/09/2021 14:18

Then if they say “we did”
You reply “oh dear, I must’ve lost it then, as I don’t have it”
Then they’ll have to get their own.

RuggerHug · 05/09/2021 14:19

@Puzzledandpissedoff

I have had to say no many times when I’ve had visitors too (that and chase to get it back off them so that my visitors can use it!)

How long until they claim they "lost it", while actually keeping it for their own use ... and if you challenge them on seeing it in a car, claim it's "the one they applied for"?

The odd loan of whatever may not matter in itself, but it's part of a bigger picture, and if they asked who else in the street has a permit (and therefore have time to hassle others too) then they've got time to sort their own

Only you can choose, OP, but this isn't going to get any better unless you make it

Ooooh this!! If you warn them it's the last time they'll just keep it and pretend it's theirs! Don't give them the chance.