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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this CF’ery or am I just a mean spirited old grump.

408 replies

Missymisenthrope · 05/09/2021 12:28

I’ve lost perspective on this so am hoping you’ll all put me straight. I live on a street that leads down to a train station and is close to town so residents require parking permits. We can also pay extra (£12 per year) for a visitors permit. My next door neighbours moved in about seven years ago and since then they have borrowed my visitors permit EVERY single time they have visitors, which is most weekends. I live alone and they are a family with small children, they get a lot more visitors than me. I’ve made the odd comment about getting their own permit but they always laugh it off with things like ‘oh I know, we’re terrible with admin’ etc. I know for a fact it’s not a question of money for them, I think they just can’t be bothered when they can use mine all the time. Incidentally, they very often knock the door for me to ‘lend’ them milk/sugar/store cupboard ingredients. It’s really getting to the point where I feel like refusing to lend it to them anymore because I feel resentful about it. Is that silly?
My question is, AIBU to feel this is cheeky or am I just being a mean spirited cow? If I’m not using it what’s the problem etc.

OP posts:

ChargingBuck · 05/09/2021 14:20

"It went up in flames when I left it too near my chanting candle"

"I had a catsick emergency, & had nothing else to hand to save my carpet" (especially if CF's know you have no cat)

"I've loaned it to a satanist cult, they're moving in next week"

& if they still haven't spotted the glorious passive-aggression -

"It's at the laminator's, as it was wearing a bit thin"

takehomepay · 05/09/2021 14:21

@Missymisenthrope

I have had to say no many times when I’ve had visitors too (that and chase to get it back off them so that my visitors can use it!) They seem very put out by this and they have asked if I know who else in the street has a permit (I always plead ignorance on that front - I’m not getting anyone else involved!) and then they’ve either parked there anyway and quite often got tickets or they’ve got their visitors to park outside a business which is closed on sundays (it’s has room for two cars on the front but there are clamping signs. The bloody train station car park is only a few hundred yards away, I know it’s not free but still!

So they’re twats. Twats get nothing.

Have you decided what you’ll say? Expired? Lost?

Notaroadrunner · 05/09/2021 14:23

To those suggesting @Missymisenthrope gets the forms/sends them a link and instructions to get a permit, should she also go round and wipe their arses for them? They are not incapable of sorting their own permit, they are simply CF's who can't be bothered and therefore use op's kindness to their advantage. @Missymisenthrope just needs to put a stop to lending her permit to them, she doesn't need to take responsibility for helping them get their own permit.

Eralos · 05/09/2021 14:24

You’re not mean

“Sorry I’ve run out”

Every. Time. They. Ask.

ChargingBuck · 05/09/2021 14:27

@Notaroadrunner

To those suggesting *@Missymisenthrope* gets the forms/sends them a link and instructions to get a permit, should she also go round and wipe their arses for them? They are not incapable of sorting their own permit, they are simply CF's who can't be bothered and therefore use op's kindness to their advantage. *@Missymisenthrope* just needs to put a stop to lending her permit to them, she doesn't need to take responsibility for helping them get their own permit.

They probably still won't be arsed to get their own permit, as it's not for want to knowing how to access the website that;s stopping them.

I think it's worth printing off a hyperlink to hand over instead of the pass is worth the minor hassle for the joy of seeing the look on their disappointed CF'ery faces.

Conversely, "no, because I'm fucked off with having to chase you up to return it every time, when I'm the one doing you the favour" should put paid to it.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/09/2021 14:28

@ChargingBuck

I can’t get them the forms or buy them one because it’s all done online with proof of address etc.

Damn!
But instead, you could write/print out a nice neat little note, with the website link helpfully highlighted for them. Hand that over instead of your permit :)

This... There's not point worrying about their reaction when they've looked put out when you've asked them for your OWN pass pack. They are CFs of the highest order.

RedHelenB · 05/09/2021 14:30

If you were going to buy one anyway I don't get the angst. You don't want them to borrow it, just say you've misplaced it.

GlitterBiscuits · 05/09/2021 14:32

Tell them you accidentally washed it and haven't applied for another one yet as they use it more than you

BlackShadowCat · 05/09/2021 14:33

I wouldn't start printing stuff off for them. Anyone can Google these things. Just say you haven't renewed yours and leave them to it.

vdbfamily · 05/09/2021 14:37

Next time it is up for renewal, ask them to pay half or say you are happy to do the admin but maybe alternate years of who pays.

itsgettingwierd · 05/09/2021 14:40

Your visitor pass went through the wash and you have no milk or sugar in.

So basically if they want these things then they can get their own!

RandomMess · 05/09/2021 14:41

"Oh my mother/friend still must have it"

wonderstuff · 05/09/2021 14:43

I think that the parking permit getting lost and your store of spare ingredients dwindling is probably a way out of current arrangements without confrontation?

tava63 · 05/09/2021 14:44

I don't think you should tell them the truth as they would likely turn it around on you and in the end you will be living alongside them for perhaps a long time to come. Instead the suggestions to lie and tell them you can't find it is best. I'd avoid a story that you are keeping it for someone else coming as again they would likely turn it around on you - it tends to be the mindset of people who - for whatever reason - rely on others to sort them out. As you don't mind the sugar/milk borrowing no need to change that - unless in the future it does start to grate.

KaycePollard · 05/09/2021 14:45

AIBU to feel this is cheeky or am I just being a mean spirited cow?

No, you are a very generous neighbour, and they have taken advantage of you.

Tell them you are expecting visitors, and need your permit.

Tell them they have borrowed things from you for several years and never paid back or returned the favours.

Tell them "No."

Tistheseason17 · 05/09/2021 14:48

Requests for milk, sugar etc - learn the following:

"Really sorry, I haven't got any spare"

Requests for permit

"Sorry, my last visitors accidentally took it with them "

EVERY time they ask reply the same.

"Yeah, nightmare (for you) eh?!"

They are CFs

grapewine · 05/09/2021 15:04

Definitely CFs. Tell them no. They're using you.

ElephantOfRisk · 05/09/2021 15:12

Things I have borrowed from neighbours in the 37 years since I've had my own home:

Current next doors large set of ladders so we could could clear our gutters of mud and weeds - twice.

Next door borrowed milk from us once late at night when she was home alone with 4 kids.

We get on great. It's a friendly estate, we've lent out things such as jump leads or a pet carrier and the occasional tool. It's fine when no-one takes the piss. Sometimes if you are in the middle of something and then realise you need something it's great to be able to ask i anyone has the thing you need. Next doors big ladders are a popular borrowing item and it saves everyone having a set for something used so little.

NotJuryDutyAgain · 05/09/2021 15:14

YANBU, OP! It's so easy to get into these situations. You don't mind loaning it out once or twice to help out a neighbour, but at some point they're just taking advantage.

Original poster

Missymisenthrope · 05/09/2021 15:14

Thank you you marvellous bunch. Some of these replies have had me laughing my head off. I honestly don’t think there is anything more to it than they can’t be bothered. There’s a lovely old fellow lives about 3 doors down and they constantly borrow his gardening equipment. I think they’re just that way inclined. I’m very surprised they haven’t asked today because they seem to have family over every single Sunday.
This thread has made me realise how utterly antiquated our parking permit system is too! We get one visitors permit (ordinary paper thingy sent in the post) once a year and if you lose it or it gets too damaged to read it you have to apply for another one, which inevitably takes about two weeks to reach you by post. On the occasions I have more than one visitor, one of them parks at the station.
I agree with those of you who have said I should just say no and I will. I really should have put an end to this years ago.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 05/09/2021 15:19

The first time that you had to go chasing for it to be returned would have been enough for a lot of people.

They are definitely CF's.

bumhug · 05/09/2021 15:23

I would be tempted to write down the web link on a bit of paper with instructions of how to do it.

Pop it in an envelope with £12 in cash with a note to say that you're happy to buy them an annual pass the first time as they clearly need their own one and next time it's far easier to renew. Say you'd be happy to text or email them the link if that's easier for them.

I think that would make it very hard for them to ask again if you've physically handed over the cash for an annual pass. If they do ask again, a simple "are you kidding??" Laugh and close the door/walk away.

BoredZelda · 05/09/2021 15:26

It’s really getting to the point where I feel like refusing to lend it to them anymore because I feel resentful about it. Is that silly?

What’s silly is that you keep saying yes.

BelendaCarlisle · 05/09/2021 15:28

Tell them you don’t have it because you rent it out on the sly.

ChargingBuck · 05/09/2021 15:30

@BelendaCarlisle

Tell them you don’t have it because you rent it out on the sly.

THIS ^

& use the scarcity to start a bidding war, which CF's can 'win' for just £5 a borrow ...

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