DC and rent - interfering ex-MIL! WWYD?

[Ilovemarmiteandwine]

DC1 has just finished school and is off to Uni next Sept. He has an excellent gap year opportunity paying in excess of £20k PA. I’ve asked him for monthly rent of £250pcm which will include everything he enjoys now. He and I have discussed it at length and think that’s fair. He doesn’t know, but I’m planning on saving at least half of it for when he starts Uni, plus it will teach him the value of budgeting (and not frittering away your first full time wage on crap which his dear mother did!)
Enter my dear ex—MIL. So as not to drip feed, my DCs dad died when my youngest was a baby. I’ve maintained contact with his family as was their dads wish, even though they disapprove loudly of everything I do or have done in the past. Now the DCs are adults I’ve gone ultra LC with them but the kids stay in touch regularly. Anyway, DC told me this morning that ex-MIL is horrified that I’m making her darling grandchild pay rent and has offered to “make up the shortfall” in his wages! I’m livid…even though my DC are adults I’m being undermined. My thoughts are that this is going to teach him nothing about the adult world and he’s just going to carry on running to his GM for things.
WWYD?
a) persuade DC to decline the offer?
b) Tackle ex-MIL yourself?
c) do nothing, DC is an adult and can make their own decisions.

Next time someone wants to interfere by showing up with free money I would take it.

@TillyTopper

Personally I'd never charge my kids to live here unless I was really on my last shilling - it's our family home! However, I'd say C - just tell him to save it for uni funds!

I don’t want to make assumptions but I’m guessing you are not a single parent and can easily afford to support another adult?

Could you accept the shortfall from MIL but explain how lucky he is and that if he saves for e.g. house deposit now he'll be laughing in a few years? He sounds a sensible sort?

I don't think you're wrong to charge him rent at all. And honestly, I don't think kyou should give him it back. He's earning a HUGE amount. He can pay 250 a month for his rent, bills, food and still save 250, and have a huge amount to fritter away aswell.

I wouldn't say anything to the GM at all. I'd just say to him "I'm not going to tell you you can't accept that money, I know you know I'm not being unfair to ask you to contribute to your upkeep as a grown man earning more than I do. If you want to accept pocket money off your grannie then that's your choice, but I'd suggest saving it since yo until have so much free cash"

Why should he pay you?

He shouldn't have to pay you anything, he's free to go elsewhere and pay a lot more for a lot less!

@TillyTopper

Personally I'd never charge my kids to live here unless I was really on my last shilling - it's our family home! However, I'd say C - just tell him to save it for uni funds!

Do you have a ceiling on the age to which you subsidise your adult children, surely there has to be one, 25, 30, 40?

Personally I'd never charge my kids to live here unless I was really on my last shilling - it's our family home! However, I'd say C - just tell him to save it for uni funds!

Have you read the threads on her about cocklosgers? Wonder where they get their ideas from?

@WomanStanleyWoman I didn’t say DC wasn’t an adult. Google child definition. #2 states a son or daughter of any age. Maybe use some common sense before you go off behaving all snarky. 🤪

Also, why are you calling the GM “ex-MIL” when you are a widow? She’s still your MIL surely?

Surely not. The marriage does not survive death, OP is no longer married to the ex MIL's son, hence she is an ex MIL.

And an intefering one at that.

@BluebellsGreenbells

Personally I'd never charge my kids to live here unless I was really on my last shilling - it's our family home! However, I'd say C - just tell him to save it for uni funds!

Have you read the threads on her about cocklosgers? Wonder where they get their ideas from?

And having been the victim of a cocklodger I am going to try and make damn sure my son doesn’t become one

@BluebellsGreenbells

Personally I'd never charge my kids to live here unless I was really on my last shilling - it's our family home! However, I'd say C - just tell him to save it for uni funds!

Have you read the threads on her about cocklosgers? Wonder where they get their ideas from?

That's fine if you can afford it. Not everyone can. You see enough threads on here started by people who are financially stretched and only just manage to make ends meet, often one parent families.

Nobody is suggesting taking a lot of money every month from your adult child but I'm sure paying something towards their keep does teach them responsibility.

[quote Darbysmama]@WomanStanleyWoman I didn’t say DC wasn’t an adult. Google child definition. #2 states a son or daughter of any age. Maybe use some common sense before you go off behaving all snarky. 🤪[/quote]
If we’re talking common sense, surely yours should have told you that I’m not suggesting he has stopped being her child because he is now an adult. My point was that you had suggested ‘having a chat to DC about involving grandma’, like he was a naughty little boy telling tales. He isn’t, and he doesn’t need the OP’s permission to talk to his own grandmother.

So many on here complain about useless layabout men in their lives... OP is trying to do her best to bring up a rounded male person for the benefit of all.
Give him the life lessons....you pay your way as soon as you are able and contribute to family finances.

Exactly. People on here are daft though, it's horrible to teach your child a good life lesson by charging them rent, like they would do in the real world. No wonder kids these days are so badly behaved, no parenting going on. I'm gonna be laughing in a few decades when these parents come back on whining that their layabout children still live at home at 30, not working etc. They pretty much deserve it for doing a shite job in parenting them. Mind you, we already see these threads..

@WomanStanleyWoman wow, way to pull that out of nowhere. Is it nice in that alternate reality you live in? I’d love to know. At any age, if there’s an issue between person A and B then you shouldn’t go dragging person C into it. But sure, you can concoct this “he’s a naughty little boy” scenario out of nothing. 🤪🤪🤪 Whackadoodle.

But it’s not out of nowhere, is it? I quoted the post and that’s how I interpreted it. If someone is old enough to go to work and pay rent, they’re too old be told off by mummy.

@Darbysmama that emoji reflects your ‘whackadoodle’ posts perfectly.

I wish Id had parents like you lot here! I was unable to go on a 2 year full time course in my chosen profession (1960s) because my parents insisted upon my giving them the same for my "keep" as if I was working. Clearly this was impossible.

Later I managed it by attending a 3 year course with alternating 6 month periods of work and study. However I had to put aside half of my salary in each period to eke out what I got as a student. For those 3 years I didnt have a rag to my backside. I never really forgave my parents for standing in my way.

@memberofthewedding that's a bit different, as you wanted to keep studying? OP's son will have a full time wage.

[quote takehomepay]**@memberofthewedding that's a bit different, as you wanted to keep studying? OP's son will have a full time wage.[/quote]
Is it really any different? The Ops son is only planning on working for a year before going to Uni..

You don't know if @memberofthewedding's family had the money to support her while she studied full-time.

OP I still think you are doing the right thing. By charging him rent / dig money. I do assume you won't be expecting the same when he is full-time at Uni.

C - carry on as you were and alllow your children to benefit from the extra cash.

My DH's tax free allowance is £55 for the year, so we are not badly off.

DS contributes £250 a month.

Heat
Light
Food
Snacks for when he doesn't fancy dinner
Constant hot water
Laundry service
Netflix
Wifi
Spotify
Lifts here there and yonder whilst he is learning to drive
50% contribution to a car, he has borrowed the balance from us interest free
Xbox subscriptions
Lunches made for him.

It works out at £8.33 a day iirc.

We are hardly robbing him.

@FinallyFluid thank you for putting things into perspective! This is everything my DC will enjoy for £250 per month and I still think he’s getting a bargain…

[quote Ilovemarmiteandwine]@FinallyFluid thank you for putting things into perspective! This is everything my DC will enjoy for £250 per month and I still think he’s getting a bargain…[/quote]
He is.

Case closed.

Years ago on here, we used to close a post like this with the word.

GAVEL