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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that men have turned into neanderthals?

189 replies

Sparklfairy · 05/09/2021 07:45

I've lived in my city for three years, never had any trouble. In the last few weeks I've had a weird guy follow me and give me his number, witnessed a sexual assault, kicked some drunk guy out of the pub myself and had another bloke follow me around saying he wanted to have sex with me.

WTF is going on? I genuinely think that men's 'standards' have dropped and they're now regressing to animals Sad

OP posts:
Samcro · 05/09/2021 08:03

all men??

ChocolateChipBelvitaSoftBake · 05/09/2021 08:05

No standards have not dropped, I have seen this behaviour for many years. However they are a small proportion of men an the rest have been ok. I have also seen some women behave appallingly too, again these have been a small minority of women and the rest ok.

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 05/09/2021 08:06

Maybe during all the lockdowns etc you just didn't see the behaviour?

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 05/09/2021 08:07

How have I missed the behaviour though? I'm genuinely at a loss.

OP posts:
lannistunut · 05/09/2021 08:09

I think all behaviour issues have escalated due to the pandemic stress, so there will be more violence, assault, bad behaviour, sexist behaviour, anger... everything Sad

KikoLemons · 05/09/2021 09:09

I think there's been more bad behaviour generally. The fabric of society is more fragile. No-one gives a shit what anyone thinks and they don't have to regulate behaviour to remain part of a group. We can find our own groups online - people who agree that we are 100% right and justified.

Sadly I don't see that changing any time soon.

ikeepseeingit · 05/09/2021 09:14

I do think the pandemic has got rid of a lot of people social graces. Or what little some people had of them. I have spoken to a lot of normally very nice relatives and friends, and they’re far more self absorbed than they used to be. I am hoping it’s a post lockdown thing, as everyone has only been able to think of themselves while they’re shut inside. Unfortunately, if we’re following that trend, that means a lot of people who were not nice at all but managed to hold some of it in, aren’t managing that. We’re also having a mental health crisis in this country which is far worse than pre-covid times, that will be adding to it. Fingers crossed things can calm down a bit once the excitement of leaving the house wears off.

Naunet · 05/09/2021 09:19

@ChocolateChipBelvitaSoftBake

No standards have not dropped, I have seen this behaviour for many years. However they are a small proportion of men an the rest have been ok. I have also seen some women behave appallingly too, again these have been a small minority of women and the rest ok.
Not that small at all, but even if it was, it’s still not OK and you’re allowed to complain about it OP, without women jumping on you to shout Not All Men or Women Are Just As Bad.
Lessthanaballpark · 05/09/2021 09:20

You poor thing OP. Obviously NAMALT but the other day I witnessed a young man verbally assault a woman with words that are were obviously internet-forum based.

For every wave there is a backlash so it wouldn’t surprise me.

I hope you’re ok, being followed by a predatory and possibly unbalanced person who is stronger than you is awful.

PicsInRed · 05/09/2021 09:22

It's porn.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 05/09/2021 09:23

I've noticed a lot of men becoming more degenerate for sure. I think its the loss of their traditional roles, they are not adapting well and then there is porn and the online world.

LittleGreenGoblin · 05/09/2021 09:27

YANBU. My friend and I were wolf whistled last week (well, I say wolf whistled but the idiot was too drunk to do it properly). When we ignored him, he did it again in case we hadn't heard him. Poor guy was clearly wondering why we weren't running towards him ripping our clothes off at the sound of his whistle...

CassandraTrotter · 05/09/2021 09:30

No-one gives a shit what anyone thinks and they don't have to regulate behaviour to remain part of a group.
This.

PepsiHoover · 05/09/2021 09:32

This behaviour has always existed. You've been lucky to avoid it before now.

Geamhradh · 05/09/2021 09:34

Alcohol.
Entitlement culture.
A culture where (as we've seen during Covid) the lines between my rights as an individual and my responsibilities towards others have become so blurred as to no longer exist.
Something that went radically wrong in the upbringing of men who are now aged over 20 but under say, 50.

But it's not all men, and it's not all places.

BrozTito · 05/09/2021 09:41

Internet right wing red pill shit.

Lessthanaballpark · 05/09/2021 09:46

Internet right wing red pill shit. + porn = good old-fashioned backlash.

BrozTito · 05/09/2021 09:47

Against what?

PearlyRising · 05/09/2021 09:50

not all men blah blah blah well it's not like those not all men ever stand up for what's right. They just quietly enjoy their privilege and THE ONLY TIME THEIR PASSIONS ARE ROUSED IS WHEN THEY'RE OFFENDED ''NOT ALL MEN!!!!'''

MossRock · 05/09/2021 09:58

@KikoLemons

I think there's been more bad behaviour generally. The fabric of society is more fragile. No-one gives a shit what anyone thinks and they don't have to regulate behaviour to remain part of a group. We can find our own groups online - people who agree that we are 100% right and justified.

Sadly I don't see that changing any time soon.

As above

But also the behaviour you list is pretty common in many places. Deprivation etc going up and down and migrating over time so you see bad behaviour where you didn’t before. Large scale job losses etc. Some previously nice places I know have really changed in the last 5 years or so.

MossRock · 05/09/2021 10:01

And obviously, middle class men can be just as sexist and predatory Angry but it appears less loutish

NothingEverChangesButTheShoes · 05/09/2021 10:06

It seems some men have forgotten how to interact with women as people and not sex objects. In my opinion due to porn. I've had men send me porn videos and gifs expecting me to say "Oh yes, I like putting wine bottles up my arse too."

Some men were always horrible to women. Some men aren't. Some men, like those above have clearly become opportunist due to the internet.

My solution? I don't have one. It is like Pandora's box has been opened and we cannot close the lid.

ChocolateChipBelvitaSoftBake · 05/09/2021 10:26

@Naunet

Your right, it is not OK. Yes, you are allowed to complain about it and yes, I can also give my views on it, even if you don't like it and it differs from the views of the OP.
We all have experienced stuff like this in different ways and these differences will mean that we will have different perspectives on it. By discussing these different perspectives you can get a bigger picture of what is going on and understand the problem better. Each persons view is just as valid as the next its just seen through different eyes.

BrozTito · 05/09/2021 10:28

Wtf they send you porn? Expecting what exactly?

pigsDOfly · 05/09/2021 10:29

Humans are brutal creatures and unfortunately a great many men, and some women, feel that they are entitled to behave in ways that threaten and harm others.

It's not new, - I'm 72 and being catcalled and whistled at in the street and groped at work, was very much part of life when I was a young woman - and it occurs across all classes and in countries.

However, I do think that it has become more overt in many ways.

A lot of men no longer feel they have to keep aggression towards women behind closed doors in quite the same way.