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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hit the roof over this?

233 replies

Incredibad · 04/09/2021 16:18

My DP of three years is always saying he ‘can’t really afford’ dinner or a weekend away with me. Ive found a receipt for last week for the night when he went out for ‘a couple of pints’ with an old friend (what with being so skint and all) and it was in fact a swanky hotel restaurant clocking in at over £100.

Now what. Can’t confront cause even though he left the thing on the counter with his keys and change he’ll accuse me of going through his receipts, I know it.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 04/09/2021 16:23

You absolutely can confront him if he left the receipt out for you to see. Unless you searched through his wallet?

Do you know much about each other's finances?

Original poster
Incredibad · 04/09/2021 16:26

I thought I knew about them, because he’s always saying how poor he is!

OP posts:
Original poster
Incredibad · 04/09/2021 16:27

No, he left it out, but it will still be me snooping in his eyes

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 04/09/2021 16:28

Don't you think you can do better? I'm guessing there are a lot of other issues in your relationship.

DrManhattan · 04/09/2021 16:30

Yeah id take the hint

Foxmylife · 04/09/2021 16:30

Another one. Just why are you with him?

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 04/09/2021 16:30

Was he trying to impress?

BritWifeInUSA · 04/09/2021 16:30

It’s not good that he says he can’t afford a night out with you but can afford a night out with his friends. What he’s really saying is he does not want a night out with you. Call his bluff and offer you pay for it and see what his reaction is or suggest somewhere that doesn’t cost anything. If it’s truly a case of him not being able to afford it he will jump at the chance to spend time with you. But I suspect he will find an excuse because the real issue is he doesn’t want to.

At least you know this now and not after marrying him. Move on.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 04/09/2021 16:31

Well now you know, its not 'cant afford' its 'dont want to with you'. What you do with this information is entirely up to you, but I wouldnt be wasting my time and energy hitting the roof. Id be considering this in the overall context of the relationship and how I feel about that.

Nanny0gg · 04/09/2021 16:32

@Incredibad

My DP of three years is always saying he ‘can’t really afford’ dinner or a weekend away with me. Ive found a receipt for last week for the night when he went out for ‘a couple of pints’ with an old friend (what with being so skint and all) and it was in fact a swanky hotel restaurant clocking in at over £100.

Now what. Can’t confront cause even though he left the thing on the counter with his keys and change he’ll accuse me of going through his receipts, I know it.

Dump him. Doesn’t matter why.
Cocomarine · 04/09/2021 16:32

You don’t need to confront, you just need to dump 🤷🏻‍♀️

lazylinguist · 04/09/2021 16:33

The fact that you are fearful of his reaction if you confront him, and are so sure that he will automatically think you are a liar and were snooping, is just as bad as the fact he's willing to spend money on going out with his mates but not with you. I'm sure you can do better, OP.

Kanaloa · 04/09/2021 16:34

Is there any point confronting him? The gist of it is he can afford to go out, he just doesn’t want to go out with you.

Cocomarine · 04/09/2021 16:35

I really hate people needlessly throwing in - are you sure who he was with?
But I think it warrants thought here.
Maybe a PP is right that he was trying to impress a genuine old friend.
But swanky hotel night out does suggest another woman is possible - it’s a date type night out, isn’t it?
And “old friend” sometimes means, “unspecified person you won’t come into contact with who’ll let the cat out of the bag inadvertently that they weren’t with me.”

OhWhatsTheDifference · 04/09/2021 16:35

£100 in a swanky restaurant? Sure he was with a mate?

thedancingbear · 04/09/2021 16:36

It sounds like he’s not that into you. Of course it’s his money to spend, but that would make me feel like crap.

Time to move on?

Marni83 · 04/09/2021 16:37

Perhaps he had a blow out

But more likely he doesn’t understand spending but doesn’t want to spend it on doing things with you.

Which is fair enough but he should be honest and probably end the relationship!

Marni83 · 04/09/2021 16:37

And if I were you, and I did actually love him, I’d be more gutted and sad than furious

Someone I love clearly doesn’t want to spend time with me

thedancingbear · 04/09/2021 16:39

In fairness, examining your DP’s receipts is snooping. The fact that his personal documents aren’t in a locked cabinet doesn’t mean it’s open season on them

Marni83 · 04/09/2021 16:41

Presumably you know how much he earns and vague idea of expenditure?

And not many men go to Swanky hotel restaurants with a mage

Original poster
Incredibad · 04/09/2021 16:41

Cocomarine- yes, I’m worried it was a date with someone else

Marni83 - yes, I’m not even angry yet really, just gutted and hurt

OP posts:
Marni83 · 04/09/2021 16:41

Mate

Tana433 · 04/09/2021 16:43

I cant imagine my other half spending over £100 on a night out without me. Are you sure it was 'just a mate'? Seems extravagant to me.

Original poster
Incredibad · 04/09/2021 16:45

dancingbear - I know, I do also feel bad about it.

OP posts:
Kuachui · 04/09/2021 16:47

Nah definitely a date.... No one goes to a hotel for drinks with a mate.
£100 is a nice romantic meal and some drinks for 2

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