To hit the roof over this?

[Incredibad]

My DP of three years is always saying he ‘can’t really afford’ dinner or a weekend away with me. Ive found a receipt for last week for the night when he went out for ‘a couple of pints’ with an old friend (what with being so skint and all) and it was in fact a swanky hotel restaurant clocking in at over £100.

Now what. Can’t confront cause even though he left the thing on the counter with his keys and change he’ll accuse me of going through his receipts, I know it.

I didn’t snoop through his phone, I tired it over to look at the time, the messages were on his Lock Screen?

You turned his phone over. As in he leaves it face down so the screen is hidden. Ok. This combined with the other information should tell you he is cheating. I'm sorry xx

Don't get angry. Have dignity and grace as you end it. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you upset. As pp say, cry and yell when he's gone. And don't let him argue or gaslight you. You've seen enough now. It's not for debate or discussion. You're a cheat and a liar. Goodbye.

The relationship is untenable anyway if you can’t even bring an issue up with him without fear of him accusing you.

@GroggyLegs

Don't tell him why it's over. If he asks, just tell him that he's shit in bed.

This is poetic.

Best response

This is so hurtful. He doesn't deserve you.

If he's there at the moment can you ask him to leave and say you're feeling really unwell?

Then just text him later.

And it doesn't matter if you snooped or not. It matters that he has lied

Well either he was wining and dining another woman or he was out with a mate and doesn’t see taking you to nice places as a priority.

Either way it’s a dealbreaker, dump him.

Beautiful @GroggyLegs
Perfect response!

I'd leave. Not because of him but because you don't trust him. If I go out for a night out with work/ an old friend/ my friend who loves posh restaurants and opera - I might spend £100 as a one off. I'm still not going to increase my everyday spending however.

If someone went through my phone or read my receipts or dared to challenge me on what I was doing and who I was messaging I'd be off like a shot. The future would only get worse...

I 100% agree with those who say don't confront him - that gives him ammunition and a chance to dump you and call you paranoid. Steel yourself, be 100% committed to not being drawn into any discussion, other than it hasn't been working for you for some time. Text if you don't trust yourself. Pack his things and have them ready to pass out of the door at an agreed time. Even better if someone else could do that bit for you. You are worth a lot more.

It's weird that you all think you can only spend £100 if you're on a date. Food for 2 people plus drinks can easily total more than that.

That aside, OP you clearly don't trust him and he doesn't respect him so I'd call it a day.

Kiko - how many times do I have to say I didn’t go through his phone? I TURNED IT OVER TO SEE THE TIME.

Somehow there’s also never that money for a ‘one-off’ with me though, huh?

@girlmom21

It's weird that you all think you can only spend £100 if you're on a date. Food for 2 people plus drinks can easily total more than that.

That aside, OP you clearly don't trust him and he doesn't respect him so I'd call it a day.

Who goes to a fancy hotel restaurant with a mate though?

If you have been with your partner and feel you cannot ask about this, there is something wrong anyway.

@Incredibad

Somehow there’s also never that money for a ‘one-off’ with me though, huh?

Exactly. This is reason enough to leave.

It’s irrelevant really whether he was out with a mate or out cheating.
A. You don’t trust that he wasn’t cheating, that speaks volumes
B. You don’t feel able to talk to him without it descending into him accusing you of control as a means to deflect and to shut you down
C. He doesn’t want to prioritise fun spending with you, but would rather spend his money on going out with others
D. He sounds like he’s using you for a cheap night in OP, sorry

Three years in should still be romantic and be a time when you’re planning for the future. But the way you’ve described his behaviour towards you definitely makes it sound as if his plans don’t include you. You deserve better OP 💐

It's so simple really.

He doesn't want to spend money on you. He wants to spend it on someone else.

If that's ok, stay with him.

If it isn't, end this.

I hope you value yourself enough to clearly see the correct course of action

Of course you can confront him, he lift the receipt out in plain view. Who cares what he thinks.

Three years isn't that long.
You have time to find love with someone else, sounds like the trust is gone in this relationship and he doesn't value keeping you.
I would say LTB.

OP this relationship just sounds terrible tbh.

Your partner doesn’t want to spend his money on dates with you, to the extent he’ll actually lie about his finances.

Your scared to mention that you saw a receipt he left on YOUR worktop in clear view because you’re worried about his reaction and how he will inevitably gaslight you and make out you’re mental.

People who love and care for you don’t do either of those things.

Is this really the relationship you want to be in? To be made to feel controlling and unreasonable for expecting a basic level of honesty, openness and transparency?

There are so many big red flags here it’s like a parade. Take some time out, have a few days no contact and really try to look at the situation logically. Is this what you deserve? Does anyone?

@Kanaloa

Is there any point confronting him? The gist of it is he can afford to go out, he just doesn’t want to go out with you.

This.

What he spent his money on doesn't really matter.

What matters is the consistently poor way he treats you.

@KikoLemons

I'd leave. Not because of him but because you don't trust him. If I go out for a night out with work/ an old friend/ my friend who loves posh restaurants and opera - I might spend £100 as a one off. I'm still not going to increase my everyday spending however.

If someone went through my phone or read my receipts or dared to challenge me on what I was doing and who I was messaging I'd be off like a shot. The future would only get worse...

Odd comment as it doesn't really match with the situation. He doesn't have money to go out with the op it seems, is that your situation? Also she hasn't gone through his phone.