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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you get into debt to go to this wedding?

189 replies

IsoscelesSandwich · 03/09/2021 22:41

I really don't know what the right thing to do is. One of my oldest and closest friends is getting married in her fiancee's home country in just over a month. It's about a 4 hour flight away. Adding it all up, it will cost me about £500-600 to attend.
I have NO money. Every month is pay check to pay check, everything goes on bills, food and kids there is nothing spare and I have no savings. If I were to go, which I desperately want to, I'd have to take out a credit card. I'm paying off huge debt over the next four years and promised myself I wouldn't ever get in to debt again.
What would you do? Think fuck it, in the grand scheme of things £500ish quid is nothing, she's one of your best friends, do anything you can to go? Or not go? I'm going round on circles with this.

OP posts:
WillYouDoTheFandango · 03/09/2021 22:43

I wouldn’t go. Don’t get yourself into further debt that you know you will struggle to pay off. If she’s your closest, oldest friend she shouldn’t be upset about this.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 03/09/2021 22:44

No - it's not worth it.

bonfireheart · 03/09/2021 22:44

I wouldn't go. Buy her a nice present or take her out for a meal when she is back.

violetbunny · 03/09/2021 22:45

No, please don't do that.

In my opinion, anyone who gets married abroad, or in a location that's going to involve a lot of expense to get to, should gracefully accept that not everyone may be able to make it. A good friend will understand this.

surreygirl1987 · 03/09/2021 22:45

No. But I'd explain why and if she's a friend she will understand. It's not worth going into debt to attend a wedding.

starpatch · 03/09/2021 22:45

Just no I wouldn't get into debt to go to a wedding. Im nearly fifty when I was young no one would have expected you to borrow money for a wedding. Im sad for you that you can't go though.

Cillmantain · 03/09/2021 22:46

I wouldn't go.
If she is a good friend she will understand.

Aimee1987 · 03/09/2021 22:46

@surreygirl1987

No. But I'd explain why and if she's a friend she will understand. It's not worth going into debt to attend a wedding.
This
LavendulaAngustifolia · 03/09/2021 22:47

Absolutely not.

MinkeDinkie · 03/09/2021 22:47

No. Do something to celebrate when they get back (along with everyone else who can't/won't go)

LampBookPicture · 03/09/2021 22:47

No- please don't do that. She's your oldest and closest friend. She'll understand. I'm assuming she knows your financial situation?

WeBuiltThisCityOnSausageRolls · 03/09/2021 22:47

Nope. Not a chance.
Never plan to go into debt deliberately. Don't spend money you don't have.

You can WhatsApp video chat them to say hi on their wedding day.

whoknew23 · 03/09/2021 22:48

Not a bloody chance ! It’s a shame to miss I but it’s not worth getting into debt over .

Ughmaybenot · 03/09/2021 22:50

I wouldn’t (and didn’t!) put myself in debt for my own wedding let alone doing so just to be a guest at someone else’s.
Explain to her that financially it’s not possible for you but that you are very sorry to have to miss it, and wish her all the very best.

Leeds2 · 03/09/2021 22:51

No way would I go. A good friend will understand.

LolalolaLola · 03/09/2021 22:51

Absolutely not. I would expect a close friend to understand why it would be impossible, too

IceLace100 · 03/09/2021 22:52

I would tell her the full reality of your situation. Don't skimp on details. She needs to realise you have literally £0.

Just stressing this because some people simply don't understand that no money really does mean absolutely no money.

If she doesn't understand you really don't have the money she might be annoyed you're not going. So make sure you spell it out to her.

Yubaba · 03/09/2021 22:53

I wouldn’t go, it’s honestly not worth it and I’m sure your friend will understand.
My sister got married abroad and I didn’t go, I’d just had a new baby and I was on maternity leave, we had 3 small children and we just couldn’t afford it.

BritishSummertime · 03/09/2021 22:53

No way, a wedding isn't worth getting into debt over, not even your own!

DocAutumn · 03/09/2021 22:54

I wouldn't go. I had the same situation. I didn't go and 'my great friend' hasn't spoken to me since. Am so glad I did not get into debt on her account. If your friend is an actual friend she will not want you to go when you cannot afford to.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2021 22:55

Of course you shouldn’t go. How long have you known about the wedding though?

DarceyDashwood · 03/09/2021 22:57

It’s sad that you can’t afford to go and I totally understand you would be disappointed / upset to miss it. However I think you will regret getting into debt to go in the long run. It’s just one day and you will be paying off the debt for months. If she is a real friend she will understand your position

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/09/2021 22:57

@surreygirl1987

No. But I'd explain why and if she's a friend she will understand. It's not worth going into debt to attend a wedding.
Absolutely this. I would feel terrible if a friend got into debt just for my wedding.
Durbeyfield · 03/09/2021 22:58

Of course not.

Hadalifeonce · 03/09/2021 22:58

I wouldn't get into debt for any wedding ( including my own)!