Would you get into debt to go to this wedding?

[IsoscelesSandwich]

I really don't know what the right thing to do is. One of my oldest and closest friends is getting married in her fiancee's home country in just over a month. It's about a 4 hour flight away. Adding it all up, it will cost me about £500-600 to attend.
I have NO money. Every month is pay check to pay check, everything goes on bills, food and kids there is nothing spare and I have no savings. If I were to go, which I desperately want to, I'd have to take out a credit card. I'm paying off huge debt over the next four years and promised myself I wouldn't ever get in to debt again.
What would you do? Think fuck it, in the grand scheme of things £500ish quid is nothing, she's one of your best friends, do anything you can to go? Or not go? I'm going round on circles with this.

No, absolutely not and I'd hate to think a friend had put herself in that position to attend my wedding.

Just tell her what you've said here

If she's that close and knows you so well, she should know your short and offer to help out. Sorry op if she doesn't..

nope. I would send love and a polite refusal

This is probably the first of many hard decisions you’ll need to make over the next few years until your debt free. Try to focus on that goal. It will be hard. A real friend will understand.

Absolutely no way would I go. Imagine how mean and awful you’d feel saying no to your kids requests for simple treats like ice cream or a small toy because you spent money you don’t have on a friend’s wedding and have to repay it. Any extra money you have - and you don’t even have any right now - needs to go towards your sinking fund and your kids.

Write to her, letting her know that you would love to have been able to come to her wedding but that you would either need to cut back on food for you/kids or go into debt. If she is very well off, she may offer to pay for your flight. In which case, I would accept as it would show that she values your presence.

Of course not. You have children. It would be highly irresponsible. You should be doing everything you can to clear your debt for their sakes not getting into more for a holiday/wedding!

Just returned from a friend's foreign wedding, I didn't get into debt for it, but I did dip into my small pot of savings which were meant for much more pressing things. By the time we had actually paid for everything it was much more expensive than first budgeted. Tbh I feel deflated about the whole thing now we are back. No wedding lives up to the hype, the bride and groom in reality will not notice who's not there on their big day as they will be in a love bubble and there will be too much pressure on you to enjoy the trip if you have got into big debt to go. It is tough but focus on getting rid of your existing debt, and look forward to a time when you will have more disposable income as a debt free person. Now is the most difficult time, but as you see the outstanding balances dwindling to small amounts, you will get so much satisfaction and wellbeing.

No way, as others have said if she's a real friend she will understand. I'd be gutted if a friend went into debt to come to my wedding, you're paying off debts, no savings, don't make yourself worse off.

What if you go and then there was an emergency/something that means you need that money for your kids but you don’t have it! A true friend will understand (assuming your debt isn’t the result of previous fripperies). This should be an absolute no brainier decision. All saving must go on clearing your current debt.?

I but tell her the truth. She'll understand

Op just a thought would they be able to stream it online back to the UK?

Pre-covid I've seen it done for an elderly grandparent unable to attend in person. And sadly I've attended a few online funerals due to covid.

Sorry was meant to say no but tell her the truth

No, I wouldn’t get into debt for it. No good friend would expect people to do that.

No, but only tell her the real reason if you have not spent frivolously (or what might seem frivolously) over the last year. Not getting into debt means not taking on any expense you can't afford and you can't afford this.

I wouldn’t go, no. Your friend will surely understand.

The debt absolutely nothing frivolous, just cost of living, two mat leaves and badly paid jobs in the charity sector. A lot of truth in whatever the saying is about it costing a lot of money to be poor!

No, absolutely don't go. You said yourself you have no spare money each month, so how could you ever pay it off? 500 will soon become much more in credit card fees.

It's not£600 though. There's the interest on that to be paid month in month out you'll still paying for the wedding when she's got two kids

Definitely don't go. I've been there for my Dsis wedding abroad it cost thousands for flights and accommodation I'd never do it again.
Your friend should have two receptions to accommodate both families and not expect anyone to pay for flights to her wedding.

Can they send a video link? A lot of churches now are high tech - you can face time or send a gift/cards to the reception etc

Maybe make something nice form old photos or letters?

Could she pay for you to attend if she is ‘well off’?

Don't feel bad, be sensible and don't contemplate getting into debt for any function or wedding .
If she doesn't understand she is not reallly your friend.
Have a nice day instead

No

A friend will understand that you can’t afford to travel, even for her wedding.

Who the hell is voting YABU here?