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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you get into debt to go to this wedding?

189 replies

IsoscelesSandwich · 03/09/2021 22:41

I really don't know what the right thing to do is. One of my oldest and closest friends is getting married in her fiancee's home country in just over a month. It's about a 4 hour flight away. Adding it all up, it will cost me about £500-600 to attend.
I have NO money. Every month is pay check to pay check, everything goes on bills, food and kids there is nothing spare and I have no savings. If I were to go, which I desperately want to, I'd have to take out a credit card. I'm paying off huge debt over the next four years and promised myself I wouldn't ever get in to debt again.
What would you do? Think fuck it, in the grand scheme of things £500ish quid is nothing, she's one of your best friends, do anything you can to go? Or not go? I'm going round on circles with this.

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 04/09/2021 13:17

I wouldn’t. Are you in huge debt now Op? If so, and I speak from personal experience, speak with Christians against Poverty, they offer debt support.

tintodeverano2 · 04/09/2021 13:28

No. But it's not just going to be £500 is it, once you've got a gift and new outfit etc. It will probably end up double that. It's not worth getting into any financial trouble to go to a wedding.

whynotwhatknot · 04/09/2021 13:30

No and i think youve probably understimated your cost is it really only 500 including covid tests?

lockdownalli · 04/09/2021 13:31

Absolutely not.

maddy68 · 04/09/2021 13:36

She's your good friend. She will understand.

readingismycardio · 04/09/2021 13:36

No one should be put in the position to go into debt to attend a wedding. And I really don't fucking get. We didn't get married abroad (though we were thinking about it at some point but we loved the venue we chose in the end), and when we considered getting married abroad it was set in stone that we'd cover the plane tickets & accomodation for our guests. you can't expect people to fork out so much for you. So no, OP. Especially that you can't afford.

TheKeatingFive · 04/09/2021 13:37

No. I don’t think a good friend would expect this of you.

Jagsy · 04/09/2021 13:40

Absolutely not, and a good friend would never expect you to in your situation

Echobelly · 04/09/2021 13:43

No, I wouldn't got 'So sorry, would love to be there but I'm not able to make the trip'. I'm sure she will understand and it could be there are good reasons for them doing it there.

My DH briefly considered whether we should marry in his parents' home country (long haul) as his grandfather lived there and would not be well enough to travel here, but he immediately dropped it when I said that I didn't have a single friend who could afford to go there.

BritishSummertime · 04/09/2021 18:47

Just as an aside how come you didn't save 10 a month from when you got the save the date OP

Unless the save the date was sent about 10 years ago £10 a.month wouldn't get the OP far anyway

toomuchlaundry · 05/09/2021 12:21

If you are living from pay cheque to pay cheque any £10 saved will be for emergencies not someone’s wedding

SturminsterNewton · 05/09/2021 13:18

Nearly 40% believe she should get in even deeper just debt to go to a wedding, when she's obviously financially struggling as it is Shock

GobbleHobble · 05/09/2021 13:25

I would never entertain this in that situation. It's irresponsible to your kids. A true friend will understand.

Getting into irreversible levels of debt at your financial situation for a wedding is absolutely irresponsible. It's a good sign you're uncomfortable.

SturminsterNewton · 05/09/2021 13:44

@SturminsterNewton

Nearly 40% believe she should get in even deeper just debt to go to a wedding, when she's obviously financially struggling as it is Shock
I think the YABU/YANBU is worded so ambiguously and we are all voting, in different ways, that she shouldn't take on more debt.
StillWalking · 05/09/2021 13:53

No. You simply can't afford it. Just tell her that, if she's good friend she will understand.

Original poster
IsoscelesSandwich · 05/09/2021 14:21

I think I definitely didn't make the BU/NBU very clear! But all posters bar one I think have said getting into debt would be a bad idea. Very grateful all for your sage advice. I have told my friend that I can't go, it went down like a lead balloon but hopefully we can patch things up soon.

OP posts:
Musicaltheatremum · 05/09/2021 14:25

Sorry it went badly when you told her. Hopefully she will sleep on it and come to her senses and if she doesn't you've still save and extra bit of debt

Lockdownbear · 05/09/2021 14:25

I'm sorry she was disappointed but ultimately you cannot afford to go. I hope she is able to get over the disappointment and you are able to get on your feet soon.

RampantIvy · 05/09/2021 14:30

She isn't much of a friend if she wants you to go into debt to attend her wedding. Does she really know how skint you are?

Kite22 · 05/09/2021 16:26

I have told my friend that I can't go, it went down like a lead balloon but hopefully we can patch things up soon.

That reflects on your friend more than anything else.
Decent people wouldn't expect others to get into debt for their wedding.

FlumpsAreShit · 05/09/2021 16:33

I wouldn't even go into debt for my own wedding, let alone anyone elses.

ElleTheShowaddyWaddyBody · 05/09/2021 16:34

I wouldn’t go and I would hope your best friend understands the reasons.

ElleTheShowaddyWaddyBody · 05/09/2021 16:36

Whoops, just read a little update further up’thread.

Not sure what I’d think of a friend who didn’t understand the situation.

Don’t go into debt

me4real · 05/09/2021 19:03

I have told my friend that I can't go, it went down like a lead balloon but hopefully we can patch things up soon.

@IsoscelesSandwich You're far from the only person who would be unable to do that OP. A lot of us would find it difficult financially. There will be other people who've had to make their excuses on her, too. xx

me4real · 05/09/2021 19:06

A lot of truth in whatever the saying is about it costing a lot of money to be poor!

A lot of us manage, to be fair. I'm unable to work long term due to a severe disability and am not in debt, nor will I ever be. I live within my means. I'm not being arsey/superior, I'll just saying a lot of poor people do. You can do it. xx