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Original poster

Would you get into debt to go to this wedding?

189 replies

IsoscelesSandwich · 03/09/2021 22:41

I really don't know what the right thing to do is. One of my oldest and closest friends is getting married in her fiancee's home country in just over a month. It's about a 4 hour flight away. Adding it all up, it will cost me about £500-600 to attend.
I have NO money. Every month is pay check to pay check, everything goes on bills, food and kids there is nothing spare and I have no savings. If I were to go, which I desperately want to, I'd have to take out a credit card. I'm paying off huge debt over the next four years and promised myself I wouldn't ever get in to debt again.
What would you do? Think fuck it, in the grand scheme of things £500ish quid is nothing, she's one of your best friends, do anything you can to go? Or not go? I'm going round on circles with this.

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 04/09/2021 02:17

Please lovely... as everyone says.... don't go.. Flowers

Darbysmama · 04/09/2021 02:18

I wouldn’t even put myself in debt for my own wedding, let alone someone else’s wedding. If she’s a good friend and truly cares, she will understand. If she doesn’t, then walk away at least knowing that you’ve rid yourself of a fake friend. Any good friend will value years of friendship more than one day of a wedding. Just be honest with her. Offer to take her and her fiancé out for dinner or invite them over after their wedding and/or honeymoon.

PurpleOkapi · 04/09/2021 02:43

No, I definitely wouldn't. I wouldn't if I were single, and I definitely wouldn't if I had children I was barely able to feed as it is. Just because you really want something doesn't mean you can afford to do it. Here, you can't. If she's really your friend, she'll understand, especially since she was the one who chose to have it so far away (for a good reason, but still, it was her choice). And if she gets angry about it, then she's not really your friend, and it's just as well you didn't go.

hardboiledeggs · 04/09/2021 08:30

Nope

lunar1 · 04/09/2021 08:49

I wouldn't go, and I think you have probably underestimated the cost.

user1471538283 · 04/09/2021 08:53

It infuriates me when people want batchelor/bachelorette parties and weddings abroad. It means others paying for their day in a way. I went to Rome for one and all in it was £1k. A stupid amount of money and I would never do it again.

I've also been given a hard time as a single parent just not being able to afford bachelorette parties, anniversaries of the bachelorette parties, expensive weddings. Explain it to your friend.

wedwewerpink · 04/09/2021 09:02

If you don't have money left each month then how are you going to pay it off @IsoscelesSandwich? My answer is no way!

toomuchlaundry · 04/09/2021 09:03

To be fair on the bride in this scenario she is marrying someone originally from another country, so it is not just having a fancy location wedding, they are having it in her partner’s home country.

Still doesn’t mean I would get into debt for it though.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 04/09/2021 09:04

No way. Take her out for a meal or a spa day when she gets back. Live within your means.

PeterPomegranate · 04/09/2021 09:09

I may not have voted the right way but I don’t think any wedding is worth going into debt for (not even your own!)

Please explain to your friend. I have two very close friends and if they were in this position there’s no way I’d want them going into debt for me. Would be my fault for getting married abroad!

PeterPomegranate · 04/09/2021 09:10

Oh yes. Good point above that it’s her partner’s home country. But I would still understand that might mean some people couldn’t come.

whatthejiggeries · 04/09/2021 09:10

No I wouldn't and I am sure she will understand

Beautiful3 · 04/09/2021 09:24

No of course not. Tell her why you can't go, so she understands.

bellabasset · 04/09/2021 09:25

Just be completely frank with her saying that your income is x and with outgoings of y you sadly cannot afford to go abroad for her wedding.

Bagelsandbrie · 04/09/2021 09:45

No way.

LynetteScavo · 04/09/2021 09:58

No way.

I would happily put a holiday on a credit card if I could pay it I'd quickly, but from
What you say you won't be able to pay it off at all in the near future. It will be hanging over you and causing even more stress.

RealBecca · 04/09/2021 10:48

As youur friend id be quite shocked if you got into debt for my wedding knowing how much you could do for your own family for £500.

So no.

lazyarse123 · 04/09/2021 10:57

had been trying to save for it but it's been impossible, hardly scraped anything together.

This bit stands out for me. If you haven't been able to save then you won't be able to pay back more debt and I say that as someone who has been in debt for ten years and am just starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Please don't go and if your friend doesn't understand then she's not a good friend.

chaosrabbitland · 04/09/2021 11:04

no , it would be sheer madness to get into debt just to go to a wedding and it doesnt matter whos it is , you are struggling too much as it is , attending a wedding is not essential enough , nearly enough to get yourself into even more of a pickle

LuvMyBubbles · 04/09/2021 11:08

No sorry.

pudcat · 04/09/2021 11:09

No way. I wouldn't spend that much on going to any wedding.
I'd hope that she'd understand, but I'm not sure that she really would.
If she doesn't she is not a good friend

BroccoliFloret · 04/09/2021 11:10

@surreygirl1987

No. But I'd explain why and if she's a friend she will understand. It's not worth going into debt to attend a wedding.
Agree. A real friend will not want yourself to get into debt over her wedding.
Jumpingintosummer · 04/09/2021 11:15

If you haven’t managed to save then you can’t afford to go, you can’t afford the extra debt.
You have children, Christmas is coming.

londonrach · 04/09/2021 11:19

No, don't go z

NotAnotherBloodyNameChange · 04/09/2021 11:34

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a thread on MN where everyone was in agreement before! Grin

Don’t go.

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