Would you get into debt to go to this wedding?

[IsoscelesSandwich]

I really don't know what the right thing to do is. One of my oldest and closest friends is getting married in her fiancee's home country in just over a month. It's about a 4 hour flight away. Adding it all up, it will cost me about £500-600 to attend.
I have NO money. Every month is pay check to pay check, everything goes on bills, food and kids there is nothing spare and I have no savings. If I were to go, which I desperately want to, I'd have to take out a credit card. I'm paying off huge debt over the next four years and promised myself I wouldn't ever get in to debt again.
What would you do? Think fuck it, in the grand scheme of things £500ish quid is nothing, she's one of your best friends, do anything you can to go? Or not go? I'm going round on circles with this.

I am so sorry that your friend is not more understanding. At the end of the day you simply cannot afford to go or if you have nothing left over at the end of the month to save you do cannot afford to repay the debt. Also the fact that you are not able to save means that if an major financial crisis happens you need some credit and not a maxed out credit card due to wedding.

Hopefully when your friend reflects she will be more understanding.

I’m sure she’ll understand because surely covid restrictions have added to the cost of this trip massively?

1. Presumably you could’ve booked this 12m+ ago had anyone known what was going on, and flights would’ve been a lot cheaper.
2. Testing is a huge extra cost.
3. I’m guessing with only 1m to go that accommodation options will be limited and there might not be anyone left to buddy up with.

This is all a huge shame as it could’ve been a lot cheaper but I’m sure she’ll understand now

You could do one of those go fund me style things and share on Facebook etc. People would take pity

Not really sure what your yanbu would be from the wording- I am assuming you're saying would you be unreasonable not to go so I said yanbu, if that helps. If your friend is a close friend they will understand. I would be completely honest as to why too

I would be mortified if my friend was thinking about getting into debt for my wedding

People who marry abroad fall into two camps those that are relieved folks bailed saving them money and those that are upset.

Great marrying abroad maybe your thing but not others.

Ditto with Stag hen events overseas. I think it's just a lack of awareness

No. You can't afford it.

No. You should not spend lots of money that you can't afford to attend a distant wedding - and it will almost certainly be a lot more than 500 pounds when all costs are factored in. It wouldn't be fair on your children, for starters. If your friend doesn't accept this, then either she's a spoilt brat with no notion of what it is not to be able to afford things, or she's a complete bridezilla; and either way, a bad friend. But I hope she will accept it on reflection.

Well even if your friend doesn't hide her disappointment, she is asking people to spend a ridiculous amount of money to attend her wedding abroad. And she's a good enough friend to know you were already in debt, have children to feed and no spare money,

A good friend would understand & never want you to put the roof over your DCs heads nor your ability to feed them, at risk. No friend would ask that if you, you tried to see if you could but couldn't

She can organise a party, eve if just a house party for her return for her friends and family in this country or she can arrange WhatsApp video streaming of their wedding so you can join in. That's her choice

She's not a very good friend if she's expecting you to get into debt to attend her wedding. It wouldn't even occur to me to go into debt to fund someone else's life choices.

@IsoscelesSandwich

OP, I really think you should stop tying yourself into knots and let your friend know, ASAP, that you're sorry but there's absolutely no way you will be able to attend her wedding because your current financial position doesn't allow you to do this, or anything like it.

Hopefully although I'm sure she'll be disappointed she'll understand but, however she feels doesn't alter the fact that you have no money and in debt so cannot factor these costs (which will only be the beginning of your additional expenses) into your existing commitments.

However, do tell her soon. A) so you can manage her expectations, B) she knows her numbers for catering, etc and C) you take some of this pressure off yourself.

Courage OP - take a deep breath and tell her.

BTW if she, or anyone else, offers you the money as a loan so you can go please refuse firmly, with thanks. That just makes your financial commitment worse.

Good luck. 🌹

I'm sorry your friend hasn't been especially nice about this.

Even if you paid £50 a month off, at the average APR it would take just over a year to pay back with the added interest. It just isn't worth having that hanging over you. And you've said you're living pretty much hand to mouth, so that's a long time to feel the pinch of it for something which is really just a nicety.

I hope your friend gives her head a wobble and extends some kindness to you quickly!

Why does your friend lend you the money then if she is such a good friend ?

The face that she didn't take it well says it all

No don't do it, it's not worth it when you're working so hard to get things back on track. I missed my oldest/best friends wedding due to health reasons. I could have gone if I'd really really pushed myself but I decided not to (it was the right decision, I was really very poorly). Anyway, the point is I felt horrible about it for quite a while. Fast forward 5 years and he's cheated twice and they're now divorced.