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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you get into debt to go to this wedding?

189 replies

IsoscelesSandwich · 03/09/2021 22:41

I really don't know what the right thing to do is. One of my oldest and closest friends is getting married in her fiancee's home country in just over a month. It's about a 4 hour flight away. Adding it all up, it will cost me about £500-600 to attend.
I have NO money. Every month is pay check to pay check, everything goes on bills, food and kids there is nothing spare and I have no savings. If I were to go, which I desperately want to, I'd have to take out a credit card. I'm paying off huge debt over the next four years and promised myself I wouldn't ever get in to debt again.
What would you do? Think fuck it, in the grand scheme of things £500ish quid is nothing, she's one of your best friends, do anything you can to go? Or not go? I'm going round on circles with this.

OP posts:
Singleorigincoffee · 04/09/2021 00:15

No please don't go into debt for a wedding. If you could look back in 5 years time, this would be a massive regret.

Also I wouldn't expect a friend to get into debt for a wedding.

beansprout55 · 04/09/2021 00:16

No

Lockdownbear · 04/09/2021 00:17

@smallgoon

Who the hell is voting YABU here?
I think it's just not clear which is which. Nobody has commented that she should get further into debt to go to a wedding.
SleepingStandingUp · 04/09/2021 00:19

Is be mortified if my best friend did this for my wedding.
You're living hand to mouth as it is, you don't have money to pay off the credit card so even if you stick to £600 (and its ALWAYS more) imagine how much it'll be with all the added interest.

Tell her you're so sorry but you are brassic, you're living paycheck to paycheck and there's just no way you can find £50 let alone £500

timeisnotaline · 04/09/2021 00:19

I wouldn’t get into debt to go to anyone’s wedding, including my own,

Ifyouarehappyandyouknowit21 · 04/09/2021 00:21

This was me a few years ago.
I spoke to my best friend and she understood. There was no pressure and we are still best friends. Talk to her.

grapewine · 04/09/2021 00:29

Not a chance I'd put myself in debt to attend a wedding. If she's actually a friend, she'll understand.

LosingMySh1t · 04/09/2021 00:36

No, it's hard but I wouldn't.

You just have to be honest with her.
If she loves you she'll understand.

UrbanRambler · 04/09/2021 00:38

@BritishSummertime

No way, a wedding isn't worth getting into debt over, not even your own!
Exactly. A good friend should understand why you can't attend. If your friend reacts badly to you declining the invite, perhaps she isn't a good friend after all, in which case there is even more reason not to go into debt to attend her wedding.
Greystray · 04/09/2021 00:40

Be honest with her. If she really wants you there and she can comfortably afford it, she might offer to cover your costs, in which case go and have a great time. But no-one should expect you to go into debt to attend what is basically a party.

Pallisers · 04/09/2021 00:45

no do not go. you won't even enjoy it because you'll be so worried about the money.

You won't spend any time with her because it will be her wedding. Yeah you'll see it happen but is that worth it??

I'd decline, be honest that it is about the money and ask if you can take her out for a nice (not too fancy) meal to hear all about it afterwards. Honestly I think she'd love someone who actually wanted to hear her account of her wedding over a glass of wine and a plate of pasta more than someone who went into debt for the wedding.

RJnomore1 · 04/09/2021 00:47

I wouldn’t. If I could pay it off over a few months I would but not in your circumstance

rainbowlou · 04/09/2021 00:48

I would never get into debt to go to a wedding but equally, I would never expect (or want) a friend or family member to get into debt to attend my wedding and would feel absolutely awful if I found out they had.

Pixxie7 · 04/09/2021 00:59

No if you live from pay cheque to pay cheque how are you going to pay it back.

WhatisanODP · 04/09/2021 01:26

If she wouldn’t understand then she isn’t that great a friend.

Don’t go into debt.

notangelinajolie · 04/09/2021 01:29

I wouldn't go.
Don't go.

gofg · 04/09/2021 01:31

No I wouldn't. If she's a true friend she will understand your reasons.

toomuchlaundry · 04/09/2021 01:38

You should never get into debt for a wedding either your own or somebody else’s

thebeatingofthedrums · 04/09/2021 01:48

I wouldn't get in debt for my own wedding, let alone someone else's!

Gingernaut · 04/09/2021 01:56

Sorry OP.

Send a gift and a card but don't go.

Otherthanetta · 04/09/2021 02:02

Don’t go OP. If your friend is a true friend then she will understand.

CorianderBee · 04/09/2021 02:03

If they were my oldest friend I'd be honest

Anordinarymum · 04/09/2021 02:06

Tell her. If she is a good friend she will understand. I would

sleeponeday · 04/09/2021 02:07

I'd be horrified if someone got themselves into debt to go to my wedding, let alone someone very dear to me. A good friend wouldn't want that for you.

me4real · 04/09/2021 02:10

No way, don't get in more debt OP.

I mean, it's your choice but this isn't a necessity and it'll mess up your plans to sort all your debt out as quickly as you otherwise would.

I bet this marriage ends in divorce anyway. Just a feeling I've got. 50% of marriages end in diivorce and if it's a cross-cultural marriage maybe it's more. She's going off to marry him abroad, which will mean some friends etc won't be able to attend. It just doesn't sound very grounded.

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