Two more years at least in rural village, please tell me how to enjoy it.

[stepupandbecounted]

Moved here when children were very young, and we have loved it up until a year ago. Little kids are now gangly teens that need driving everywhere. The Village is in the middle of nowhere and it is so so quiet here. As in silent.

I work part time, but can't switch to full time as there are NO jobs here.
I am just so bored with the lack of things to do/the countryside and the lack of fun. It is so lacking in fun. I miss having fun so much!

I have some great friends but they are quiet, not dancing types more into crafting, hiking and cooking. It didn't matter so much when we were younger with little kids, but now it is obvious to me that I need a life of my own as well. I can't remember the last time I felt really happy here.

I don't know how I can see this time out without going mad. Please tell me what makes you happy in rural settings? My dc are finishing GCSEs and then I can move, but until then I am stuck here. I don't even know where we would move to if we could. I am feeling really stuck.

Anyone else feeling like this?

@stepupandbecounted

I actually love my dh, he makes me laugh like no one else even after all these years. He is very easy going, and goes along with most of my hair brained ideas. He is perhaps the only thing that isn't depressing for me right now. And I am grateful to have him really, god knows if my marriage was shit as well I would not cope.

Then why do you say you have to drink to get through another silent dull evening? Was it your idea to move to the country? Does your dh have a job? Do you have a job?

Or are you one of those who's dh works in London? I must say the wives left behind in the country always seem very dissatisfied

I've lived in the country for 25 years and absolutely love it but I'm very outdoorsy.

I do totally get the love of a vibrant city though, it's so exciting, I love going into London now and then. Not sure about being out here when I'm a lot older though....so many downsides but can't bear the idea of leaving my house. It's hard. OP you really sound like you need out though and soon

Can you not move, now, to the nearest town, or larger village ? How far away are the kids schools? Would close to them and away from your hamlet be better?

The nearest town is not that great, and I don't want the expense of moving twice. I would rather stick it out, I think, and wait to move to somewhere much better for the longer term. Stamp duty etc is a fortune.

But you're miserable and your kids can't go out without a lift.
And you don't know where you want to live.
I would definitely consider the closer move for more people now, and the big move later on.

Maybe...yes. I am not ruling it out at all. I would prefer just one move, but that is going to take years and quite frankly our lives are evaporating and my teens would def benefit being closer to their friends.

I don't drink to get through the evening, but sometimes when I have had a bad day I will have a or G&T so all good, yes the evenings are dull because there is nowhere to go. Dh works locally but very long hours, I work PT and hope to secure a better job when I qualify.
I feel there is a better life for us elsewhere. We used to love going out for dinner a few times a week, to the theatre, galleries etc and now we have teens and can leave them and go out more often, there is nowhere to go. Grrrr. Waited 16 years to have a life!

But you said it's only 30 minutes to the nearest town didn't you? Can't you and DH go out for the evening every/every other week and take it in turns to drive? We drive at least 30 minutes to the shops every week and think nothing of it.

I went clubbing when I turned 30, loved it as a teen, felt like everyone's mother as a 30 year old, it was depressing and awful. I've lived in cities and it was certainly nosier, I particularly remember the sound of bottles being collected from the pubs at 5am - be careful what you wish for!!

Cornish harbour, houses with lights on was just a July thing. When we raise concerns about second homes, holiday let's and Air BnB it's because the community is dead or at risk.
We're rural Cornish and at the moment there's enough locals to keep us going around the year. Mostly in non- tourist jobs. Make sure you move somewhere similar where people are there for the good times and the bad times and not just till change over day. It's not just a rural thing, amazing to towns and cities are being carved up into tiny temporary short stay spaces. We have become too greedy both as seller and consumer.

@stepupandbecounted

I don't drink to get through the evening, but sometimes when I have had a bad day I will have a or G&T so all good, yes the evenings are dull because there is nowhere to go. Dh works locally but very long hours, I work PT and hope to secure a better job when I qualify. I feel there is a better life for us elsewhere. We used to love going out for dinner a few times a week, to the theatre, galleries etc and now we have teens and can leave them and go out more often, there is nowhere to go. Grrrr. Waited 16 years to have a life!

Sometimes dh and I drive to Bristol to go out. It's over an hour from us but we take it in turns. show or gallery, posh meal. Honestly I think you sound slightly victimy about this tbh. There's always a way to entertain yourself. Of course, if there's no hope and you hate it, then move! Don't be a martyr.

This is a really interesting thread. During lockdown I was so jealous of people in the country with space and beauty and peace - I thought I was going to go mad, but now things are opening up again I am finding a new found love of London - just going for a bike ride and the sense of discovery - and I've been to gigs and restaurants and just random moochy shopping for new food. I do love it and it does make me feel alive. Though it's equally lovely to be able to get out of London and see the sea and empty space from time to time. So I think yanbu OP, there is definitely more to life, but equally different places offer different charms - you just need not to spend all your time in the same one.

@WhyMeLord

DH and I are in a similar situation (and we both work from home full time) we've decided we're both going to have an affair so we've got something to talk about. I'm thinking of making a day of it when I come clean about mine, do a PowerPoint presentation followed by a seminar maybe ger some caterers in to provide refreshments, I reckon DH would would like that. Now to find 2 people within a 20 mile radius for us to have affairs with...

🤣🤣🤣

Can I come round to watch the affair PowerPoint presentation, @WhyMeLord? I'll make myself useful by handing around the savoury snacks.

Hello. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I think that planning your next move would be a great way to while away the next year or so. Could you open a word document and make a table of all the wants as well as all the things you're willing to compromise on?

What about having a pen pal? You could buy yourself some pretty paper and envelope sets (lots available online) and spend an evening writing.

I've had feelings of breaking out as well. I think it's the lockdown as I've always been an introvert and loved my own company but lately I want to get out there and live a little. I want a glass of wine or meal with friends but they're all in relationships and see this as a girl's night out so no takers. For a while I was unhappy with my weight and fitness. I've changed all that now by losing weight and taking up running. I finally feel great in clothes but alas, no social life to wear anything besides jeans and leggings.

I'm in a new job now though so hoping all that will change. I see you work part-time and you're in the process of retraining but can't seem to find what in? I've scrolled through the thread but must've missed it. For me, my new job comes with lots of online training so that's keeping me preoccupied. The running is also something I recommend. It's more of a walk-run if I'm honest but I really look forward to it and it takes my mind off things.

Would photography be something you might enjoy? It sounds idyllic, in theory, where you are. Could you take advantage of the scenery?

Just a few suggestions. Hope it helps 😊

My divorced bil with his two kids, shared custody but the ex-wife does the heavy lifting is having an amazing time with his new partner , shared custody of her two teens. @WhyMeLord I suggested to DH that we get divorced so that every other weekend we could go away together to lovely locations, looking up friends, walks and afternoon pints in the sunshine, we just need to get the kids access weekends in sync with new partners. DH felt My suggestion might have a flaw.

Like you've said, I'm just wanting to go out, wear painful shoes, dance and just do something

I went to two weddings last week and contrary to my osteopath's instructions I danced the night away at both of them. Oh my god it felt gooood! I am wearing my Compeed blister plaster with pride

Funnily, I’ve recently started hiking so drive to the Lake District relatively often for the scenery. I was telling my husband how I’d love to live in the middle of nowhere. The lack of diversity makes me hesitate though.

Living 30mins from good venues would be no problem for me though. I don’t mind driving. We hardly go out in the town we live in.

You need to read my post properly.. I don’t own two properties.

Could you start fucking with the locals? Fake murders, a hint of satanic worship, suddenly start speaking in tongues and falling over a lot, that sort of thing?

@BigWhooper I can't be the only one who somehow didn't read the "with" in your first sentence and thought your suggestion probs wasn't that helpful 😳 (a touch too provocative? Also a faff, logistically...) but have now reread and think it's an excellent idea!

Lol either would do TBF 🤣

I think the pen pall and pretty paper and envelopes should solve the issue.
Do pen pals still exist. Is this not the modern pen pall without the pretty paper?
Anyway, we live 5 miles from the nearest shop or pub and there about 6 houses in that distance. The solution is to buy some goats. Socialising with goats is pretty much the same as a night out in Leeds.

What about somewhere like Brighton or Bristol. You need a place with a big university and then live in a village on the outskirts. Look at hassocks:burgess hill. So close to brighton.

I live in a small place now and I used to live in the city, I hate it too and I miss the hustle and bustle of the city, I can’t think why anyone would choose YABU, you like what you like and there is nothing unreasonable about it!