Page 8 | Two more years at least in rural village, please tell me how to enjoy it.

Polkadots2021 · 04/09/2021 06:40

@stepupandbecounted

Moved here when children were very young, and we have loved it up until a year ago. Little kids are now gangly teens that need driving everywhere. The Village is in the middle of nowhere and it is so so quiet here. As in silent.

I work part time, but can't switch to full time as there are NO jobs here.
I am just so bored with the lack of things to do/the countryside and the lack of fun. It is so lacking in fun. I miss having fun so much!

I have some great friends but they are quiet, not dancing types more into crafting, hiking and cooking. It didn't matter so much when we were younger with little kids, but now it is obvious to me that I need a life of my own as well. I can't remember the last time I felt really happy here.

I don't know how I can see this time out without going mad. Please tell me what makes you happy in rural settings? My dc are finishing GCSEs and then I can move, but until then I am stuck here. I don't even know where we would move to if we could. I am feeling really stuck.

Anyone else feeling like this?

There's so many online jobs these days, you might be able to throw yourself into a career that way?

I'd just value the quiet, for people who live on a main road with loads of pollution that's a massive luxury!!

RickJames · 04/09/2021 06:58

I'm in the same position. I cry every day, several times a day. I can't take the physical pain of isolation and sadness anymore.

Not unreasonable in my opinion

Bryonyshcmyony · 04/09/2021 07:26

@RickJames

I'm in the same position. I cry every day, several times a day. I can't take the physical pain of isolation and sadness anymore.

Not unreasonable in my opinion

That sounds very extreme

why can't you move?

HaveToSaySomethingHere · 04/09/2021 07:43

Go for it OP. Even if social life is slow, you can go for a walk in town day or night and be around other people out doing the same thing. Or go to the gym for a swim or a class and be home within a hour. Go for coffee. You don't have to add in a long drive which would probably mean you won't have time or just wouldn't bother with those little outings. I totally understand that feeling of wanting to be around people, especially since lockdown.

thecatsabsentcojones · 04/09/2021 08:08

It’s interesting you say about people becoming more insular during lockdown. I’ve realised the same about a couple of my close friends, we’ve now got to the point where I can’t actually get them to go out. I had a revelation recently that I’ve got to recruit additional friends who want to not watch telly in the evenings, they will be out there!

whatwasIgoingtosay · 04/09/2021 08:12

My friend who lives in a very small Highland village has booked herself on the night sleeper to London tomorrow, returning on the sleeper Sunday and has plans for a whirlwind time in London. She gets away often - can you do the same?

Orla1970 · 04/09/2021 08:41

I think you need to be careful OP that you don’t have an unrealistic view of city living. That it’s all about Drinking cocktails on a rooftop bar etc. I lived in a big vibrant city for 25 years and did this v infrequently. I was surrounded by art galleries and I like art but only really managed along when I had visitors and was looking to fill their time!

We moved to a village couple years ago but chose wisely as I knew I wanted best of both worlds. We are now an hour away drive from that major city. My husband does not miss it at all but I had plans to meet up with friends every few weeks for dinner and cocktails and a hotel overnight. I’ve only actually done that twice. Granted we are in a pandemic but also it’s become less appealing. Might be impact of pandemic that I’ve become more of a home bird. I don’t know. But I guess as other people have said plan where you want to go carefully. On the occasions I do travel into the city for work I am noticing my tolerance for litter, traffic and people is waning! 🤣

Do you have friends that are going out on the tiles and you’re not joining them because of your location or is that the main issue? Has your group of friends got older and settled into not going out etc? It’s me who lives in the village that initiates city get togethers with friends as I’ve found the party animals of the past who used to do all nighters now want a nice dinner few cocktails and home by midnight! Not sure if it’s just an age thing or impact of pandemic.

So my advice would be maybe best of both worlds. Somewhere rural that is close to a city. Good luck x

Original poster

stepupandbecounted · 04/09/2021 10:25

Thank you guys for all of your posts, I am really enjoying reading them.
I think there is a worry that city life won't live up to what I imagine it will be, or that I am actually more of an old boot than I realise. A case of still being seventeen in my mind only - the rest is falling to bits slowly.

My friends are in fact older, not by decades but by at least 5-6 years. I had my dc slightly earlier than the average I guess. So maybe the home bird thing will happen to me as well....can anyone explain why staying inside is suddenly enjoyable? The pandemic seems to have really changed people. Even friends that were previously life and soul are now happy to stay in all of the time. A handful have issues with MH, so that is understandable, but the rest? Overall everyone seems knackered, and too tired to do anything. This could change, or it may not. My eldest friend will be sixty next year, perhaps it is unrealistic to imagine she is still wanting a full night life.

Good friends are not easy to come by at this point in life, and that is my biggest worry. I have the most lovely friends what if I am swapping them for a life that doesn't really exist? Our social lives might be low key these days, but at least they are there.

Maybe the move to the close town is better, at least I won't be too far away from friends. I don't think it is unreasonable to spend more time in London, and dh agrees (although he would rather be anywhere else I suspect) We will start there and see how it pans out. Thank you for every single post, it has given me much to think about.

OP posts:

Bryonyshcmyony · 04/09/2021 10:44

Well I'm 55 and don't want to go clubbing but I am a happy person and tend to make the most of life. As I've said dh and often go to our nearest big city for nights out - posh meals and the movies and a bar. We take it in turns to drive. Next month we are going to see a band and out for dinner. It's fun.

NofuPancake · 04/09/2021 11:33

@RickJames

I'm in the same position. I cry every day, several times a day. I can't take the physical pain of isolation and sadness anymore.

Not unreasonable in my opinion

Exactly the same

the loneliness just wears me down to breaking point at times.

Original poster

stepupandbecounted · 04/09/2021 11:43

I am really sorry you are so lonely that it is making you cry on a daily basis rickJames and Nofu In your case I really feel a move would be better sooner rather than later, and a conversation with the doctor about support. It is terrible to feel just so bad

OP posts:

NofuPancake · 04/09/2021 12:20

I have a 4-5 year Roadmap to getting out, awfully long but just knowing it will eventually happen makes it a bit better and have some education plans in place to get skilled up in the mean time to help the job search post move. Save me a space at the bar for then stepup

Original poster

stepupandbecounted · 04/09/2021 12:26

I will nofu!!! We can at least book city breaks now to get a fix, and plan some parties of our own to get us through the winter. I am researching local pubs today, and sent out a message to ask who wants to join me in finding the liveliest place in xx. Already have some replies! I loved this place before the pandemic, so it could be related.

See you at the bar Nobu and keep your chin up

OP posts:

SisterJude · 04/09/2021 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

leavesthataregreen · 04/09/2021 12:33

Glad you've managed to book a weekend in London.

Have you tried to absolutely milk what's available in your area? Join the fitness and dance classes, go to see local bands or comedians or plays in your near by town?

Tiddleandplonk · 04/09/2021 13:07

Does your village have a fb page.. ? You could ask on it what is going on and make links ?
We live rurally and access to your tribe can be more limited due to sheer lack of numbers.. I find you have to compromise a bit in that respect and sort of.mix with who you can.
What i did is i threw a garden party .. wine in the afternoon can help folk let their hair down a bit 🤣

Tiddleandplonk · 04/09/2021 13:09

Do u know a few folk ?

leavesthataregreen · 04/09/2021 17:38

I feel like you. It's not an age thing. I'm mid fifties but in the last fortnight have been to a gig (loads of people my age as well as loads of teens and 20-somethings), two art exhibitions, a cocktail bar, a couple of restaurants. But all with family, come to think of it. Not with friends. It's weird what lockdown has done. Friends want to meet for a walk or a coffee.