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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two more years at least in rural village, please tell me how to enjoy it.

193 replies

stepupandbecounted · 02/09/2021 17:52

Moved here when children were very young, and we have loved it up until a year ago. Little kids are now gangly teens that need driving everywhere. The Village is in the middle of nowhere and it is so so quiet here. As in silent.

I work part time, but can't switch to full time as there are NO jobs here.
I am just so bored with the lack of things to do/the countryside and the lack of fun. It is so lacking in fun. I miss having fun so much!

I have some great friends but they are quiet, not dancing types more into crafting, hiking and cooking. It didn't matter so much when we were younger with little kids, but now it is obvious to me that I need a life of my own as well. I can't remember the last time I felt really happy here.

I don't know how I can see this time out without going mad. Please tell me what makes you happy in rural settings? My dc are finishing GCSEs and then I can move, but until then I am stuck here. I don't even know where we would move to if we could. I am feeling really stuck.

Anyone else feeling like this?

OP posts:
steppemum · 02/09/2021 19:21

@toobusytothink

Get a dog
?????

no, do not get a dog. If you don;t like the countryside aspect and are looking for night life, a dog is another tie, not a release

StarryStarrySocks · 02/09/2021 19:21

A quiet village full of crafty hikers sounds like paradise to me.

copsford · 02/09/2021 19:26

I can't help you because I am in exactly the same position except my dd is only just about to start year 8. its lovely countryside. .but incredibly dull.

Xmasbaby11 · 02/09/2021 19:30

I'm 45 and couldn't live there - it wouldn't suit me. I go out a couple of times with friends to drink cocktails and eat interesting food. I love living in a city which has lots to do. Also hoping when the dc are teens they will have plenty to do. I think if you live remotely it's bound to attract people who enjoy being at home and the countryside, so it's not surprising your friends are like that.

perrierplease · 02/09/2021 19:35

Did I write this?! I'm exactly the same. I think being in lock down pushed me over the edge although even before then I noticed no one really has any parties etc. I think I didn't notice before because I was traveling and spending weekends in London etc. I'm really trying to move to the nearest town (35mins away) where the children also go to school. I'm ditching the early school bus run and getting my life back. My dh is not too happy as he has a big satisfying job and travels for 50% of the time. If I don't move I will die. Seriously I will become very unwell, the rural life has destroyed me. I too am sick of fields.

Hankunamatata · 02/09/2021 19:37

Is the kids school in the town? Could you move to the town now?

Itscoldouthere · 02/09/2021 19:42

I get you OP we moved out of London to a village in our late 40’s, in the big picture I don’t regret it, but I do think it just made me feel old/boring/dead-inside.
We got stuck in to a big house renovation which kept us busy for about 5 years, I also went part time to a local college and learned new skills.
We had a great house but few local friends and I spent all my time driving, for everything.
I couldn’t bear the thought of that being the rest of our life, so last year when our children were going off to university we sold the house and my husband accepted a job abroad.
I now live in Montreal, Canada, I must say on one hand our life is chaos/complicated (Covid has been a massive factor) but I’m certainly not stuck in a village anymore. We have a huge amount of uncertainty in our future, but we do feel that we are alive and making the most of all the new experiences that are coming our way.
I’m sure some people love the stability and country life, but I’ve always moved a lot and never wanted the ‘forever house’ we thought the big house in the countryside was our goal, but for us it didn’t deliver.
Our current aim (planning for retirement) is city pad and bolt hole, maybe in France, who knows if we will do it but at least it’s a plan.
I’d agree with others, spend the time working out where you might move, is there a city near by you might like or a market town with things going on, good transport links? Somewhere your children might like to come back to? Where you don’t have to drive all the time?
Our experience was it’s hard making new friends after primary school, you need to do it through clubs, outside activities and it’s hard to find time and commitment, but it’s the same for us now in a new city, you have to work at these things, but god I love having restaurants/bars/galleries/public transport, we currently don’t even own a car!

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 02/09/2021 19:55

I quite often miss London. It's not even that I did all that many exciting things, it's more that exciting and interesting things just happened around me. So many cultures and different people, just a conversation with a neighbour was usually interesting.

I can appreciate how you feel, it's not that people around aren't nice, it's just that you could ask any question and already know how they will answer. There's nothing surprising, no new foods that you've never tasted before, no interesting life experiences before they moved there, no quirky hobbies, no new faces.

WhatsTheBFD · 02/09/2021 20:04

Lockdown in a city was horrendous, nowhere to go. I’d have killed for fields or a coast to walk along.

Cyrsethatballoon · 02/09/2021 20:06

Get a dog

Crappiest bit of advice I've seen in a while .... someone who hates rural living? and I say that as someone who loves it

Christmasfairy2020 · 02/09/2021 20:14

I'd love this type of area. How do you find these houses. What part of uk are you from

TheABC · 02/09/2021 20:16

Naked gardening.
Yarn bombing.
Backyard ravs (we had socially distanced BY ravs around mine during Covid, but the terraced houses helped).
Start a moonshine society.

Don't feel deflated that your forever home turned out not to be forever. We are allowed to change our preferences and likes. As other pp have said, it can easily take a year just to move. So it's not as far away as you think.
Start a

FAQs · 02/09/2021 20:17

You could do what I do and have a calender on the fridge ticking the days down and have several pages of properties saved on Rightmove for various cities I’m going to move to, I’m the same and DESPERATE! Cant feeking wait to live the village in live in.

FAQs · 02/09/2021 20:18

Leave, leave, leave not live, cos that is def what I am not doing here.

Anyway, I’m the same.

waterrat · 02/09/2021 20:18

I am 44 and live in a city and also feel bored and missing fun. It's being a parent and covid and life generally

Shrewoodle · 02/09/2021 20:20

Where do you live? Sounds perfect for me! It really sounds like you're just not suited to a quiet country life. Its not for everyone. If I were you I'd focus your efforts on moving to a city or big town, more going on and less countryside. No point trying to fit a square peg in a round hole so to speak!

Bagamoyo1 · 02/09/2021 20:25

Do your kids want to move ? Where is their school? Surely that must be in a town? Could you move to the nearest town, so that the kids can still be at the same school, but you can have a less rural life? I’m confused - why does it have to be tiny village of London/NYC type place? Why not a compromise.

wizzywig · 02/09/2021 20:30

Op I'm exactly the same. Am hating rural life and long for the buzz of the city. It really gets me down

StCharlotte · 02/09/2021 20:33

I look at this place, and people fly here from Japan and far flung places to take photos of it. It is idyllic. When I go on holiday and say where we are from, we always get the same response, how lucky we are etc.

Try and remember the grass is always greener on the other side and you are on someone else's other side.

For the sake of a couple of years I would try and make the most of it and do all the stuff you imagined you do in the country? Hot crumpets and tea after a crisp autumn walk. Snuggling in front of the fire. Read all the books (you won't have time for that once you're back in civilisation Grin). Walk to the pub for Sunday lunch. Invite friends to stay - my friends loved coming to stay when we lived in a Shire. Etc etc etc.

I do understand as I've been there and ended up hating it (although it was very beautiful). Loving having a streetlight outside my bedroom window again now.

Toomanyradishes · 02/09/2021 20:34

I get why you feel you cant move because of the kids, but surely their school is in the town? Can you not at least move there and have a bit more going on? I live in a rural village (also in a county ending in shire lol) so I get it, but there is stuff you just might need to go a bit further. Ive been to gigs recently outdoor ones with pizza and cocktails etc, and there are other events like that if I wanted to go but sometimes we travel up to an hour for a night out. But prepandemic the local town had theatre events, fancy food markets etc etc so moving to the town might bring a bit more to your life?

Toomanyradishes · 02/09/2021 20:35

Also if you are willing to say which shire a local mumsnetter or two might know of things going on which might appeal.

Thatsjustwhatithink · 02/09/2021 20:40

You could go places at the weekend? Especially if you can't move the kids now. Whats stopping you enjoying the weekends by travelling around the UK? Do it!!

You'll also then remind yourself of why most cities are shit after you spent time in them again!!

Aprilx · 02/09/2021 20:43

I am struggling to imagine how you can be so trapped or isolated in the UK. I live in a rural location too, a village with 125 residents, no pub or shop, but I can be in London and two other cities within 90 minutes because it is a small country! My work opportunities are not limited because I would expect to leave the village for work anyway.

HattieMid2 · 02/09/2021 20:43

Don’t have any helpful answers but just wanted to say you sound like great fun OP GrinWine

Bryonyshcmyony · 02/09/2021 20:46

Get on the train and go to London once a month that's what I do

Get into gardening, it's relaxing

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