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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two more years at least in rural village, please tell me how to enjoy it.

193 replies

stepupandbecounted · 02/09/2021 17:52

Moved here when children were very young, and we have loved it up until a year ago. Little kids are now gangly teens that need driving everywhere. The Village is in the middle of nowhere and it is so so quiet here. As in silent.

I work part time, but can't switch to full time as there are NO jobs here.
I am just so bored with the lack of things to do/the countryside and the lack of fun. It is so lacking in fun. I miss having fun so much!

I have some great friends but they are quiet, not dancing types more into crafting, hiking and cooking. It didn't matter so much when we were younger with little kids, but now it is obvious to me that I need a life of my own as well. I can't remember the last time I felt really happy here.

I don't know how I can see this time out without going mad. Please tell me what makes you happy in rural settings? My dc are finishing GCSEs and then I can move, but until then I am stuck here. I don't even know where we would move to if we could. I am feeling really stuck.

Anyone else feeling like this?

OP posts:
Bryonyshcmyony · 03/09/2021 08:20

I live almost literally in the middle of nowhere and I've had friends to stay all summer. Lots of late nights in the garden drinking and putting the world to rights. Don't you have any mates to come and stay?

Bryonyshcmyony · 03/09/2021 08:21

I do agree it can be fucking miserable in the depths of winter though.

Sallycinnamum · 03/09/2021 08:42

DH and I grew up in rural villages and both couldn't wait to escape.

My poor parents spent their whole time ferrying us to various clubs and playdates and when we were older into the nearest town to meet up with friends.

When I went to university it was a revelation that I could walk into the city and didn't need a car to get a pint of milk!

A couple of friends have moved to very rural areas and two have moved back to large towns in the SE as their DC have got older.

oakleaffy · 03/09/2021 08:42

Oh OP...I was contemplating leaving a popular City for a more rural life... but this post of yours scares me.
I love the Countryside, but have never lived there.

Original poster
stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 08:44

Thank you for all of your posts. I cracked open the wine last night in a fit of misery and sat there moaning all night to dh. Reading your posts has really made me happy today. I am sorry for the people that feel the same, but glad at least we are all not alone in feeling like this.

What has changed someone asked? My friends is the answer. Before they were up for going out, doing things now many tell me the lockdown made me them realise they like stay indoors/being at home. Although I see them now at home, and they come to me, the evenings out have totally died off.
I do have other livelier friends that still enjoy night out, but they have moved away (most likely fed up here but didn't want to say so) So I have to travel to see them now. I tried to pre book a taxi three days before my train and still couldn't! That is what I am up against. Taxis are rarer than hen's teeth. Possibly a business opportunity!

Our town is 30-40min away so not really easy to do for a night out. I would have to drive, which defeats the purpose.

I have since reading your suggestions booked a weekend in London and organised a party. If I can drag my friends out of their semi lockdown lives and try and remind them how we used to live. I can't change the bleak landscape that is coming with every passing day, but I can at least plan some fun stuff whilst I hatch my escape.

Sorry to everyone that is feeling like this too, whether in the city or country.

OP posts:
Original poster
stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 08:46

Oh yes and feel like my teens are not really having so much fun. Everything needs to be planned to work around the ferrying, and they never do anything spontaneous. They don't seem to mind, they are used to it, but I feel for them.

OP posts:
TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 03/09/2021 08:54

I live in the middle of nowhere and was born in the countryside. When I left home I lived in a house two miles from the next house. I loved it but now, after many years in the countryside I am planning to move to a town. This will happen in about five years and I am already looking for the exact place so the next two years is not that long. I already know which town. If you haven't even decided which town the research and travelling to places to look around will take up all of that two years I imagine : )

oakleaffy · 03/09/2021 08:59

Our parents contemplated moving to the Country from South West London but were 'Wealthy' enough to buy a Thatched cottage in Wiltshire, within walking distance of Marlborough...I loved it!
But when my brothers hit teenaged years, they sold it as bros didn't want to go.
Ironically horse riding was much better in Richmond park/Wimbledon than many rural locations.

Gothichouse40 · 03/09/2021 09:07

Hmm, I can see many posts like this in future, as the rush of folks to move to the country recently has been crazy. OP, if it's any comfort two years will fly by, perhaps you could use the time to research where you would like to live?Look at places with theatres or art galleries in places you may want to live once you can move? Good luck for the future.

Rollmopsrule · 03/09/2021 09:12

Sounds like pure hell - apart from having some good friends bit. That's always a massive positive.

As othershave suggested - planning your trips, researching new places to move to, start smoking weed or get a swingers club going. Anything to break the monotony.

Classicbrunette · 03/09/2021 09:40

oh jeez this is depressing. i moved to the country and love it. The house is isolated and it’s 40 mins to the nearest town but my partner has a place near London so i go there when i want ‘civilisation’ see friends and have cocktails etc. When i’m in my country house i get stuck into gardening big time and love the craft groups. My kids who are grown up love coming to the country house for a break from their city lives, they find it really relaxing, there’s fantastic walks too. Friends come and stay too and always want to come back. i really enjoy the contrast with having both places. Do you have friends in cities who you could stay with ?

Looking to move would certainly use up time and it’s so fun looking at places and properties to move to.

Original poster
stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 10:26

Not everyone can afford a place in London and a place in the country classic

OP posts:
Peace43 · 03/09/2021 10:31

You can come out with me! I'm rural North Wales and DD is now 10 and I am divorced and I want life. The sort that comes with sparkly lights and an umbrella in it. It was a bone of contention with the new boyfriend that I want to go OUT. I mean OUT to a bar / restaurant etc.. at least once per fortnight. He'd be happy sat in or on a rural day out. I see enough grass, sheep and streams during the week to last me and I want civilisation on the weekend. I go out a bit on my own to towns, cafes, etc.. and I drag him out regularly. Lockdown just emphasised how much I need to get out.

Original poster
stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 10:38

Lockdown just emphasised how much I need to get out

This^

The lockdown made me realise that a) life is too short to stay in b) how important a social life is to me.
Sadly, for many of my friends the lockdown has done the polar opposite, and they have become more insular.

I am now chomping at the bit to have some fun, live a little and the very idea of staying in more/at all makes me feel like howling having wasted so much time already in lockdowns etc. My friends are not wrong to love it here, and to enjoy being at home, it is their choice. But for me, I need more than that to be fulfilled.

OP posts:
Recessed · 03/09/2021 10:42

Solidarity OP. I know many people would bite my hand off if I offered them my life/house but I bloody hate it! I'm also stuck here for the foreseeable and could weep with how dull life is. I cope by leaving as often as possible. I drive to the nearest city on weekend days/visit my bustling home town for a few days as much as I can, which isn't often enough due to distance. I live in a beautiful place but country living is simply not for me. I've stopped trying to force it and no longer desperately attempt to find a positive angle. Just completely detach and start to focus on planning your future and making steps in that direction, be it researching places you want to live/saving towards a move.

CounsellorTroi · 03/09/2021 10:45

@stepupandbecounted

Not everyone can afford a place in London and a place in the country classic
No, I would say only a privileged few can.
alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 03/09/2021 10:52

Some people are country people, and some are not. I was brought up in a country town and couldn't get out quick enough! I moved to London after uni and had a fantastic time! I moved out to a smaller city after ten years and then moved beside the beach in Australia in my 40s, but I can get into the CBD by train in 40 minutes. Now I'm in my 50s we go out lots, sometimes just out to the pub or meals with friends, but occasionally dancing in the city, or crawling the small bars. We aren't dead yet! I will never move to the country, its just not for me, so I suggest you plan your move, and stay sane with weekends away to the smoke. Good luck.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 03/09/2021 10:57

I live on my own with my cat, full time NHS and moved to an extremely rural area 2 years ago, it's my absolute dream.
There are no cinemas or shop but that's what the internet is for.
I don't miss towns or cities at all.
My adult DS and Dil are moving here also and I think they are going to be shocked by how rural it is. They can't afford to buy a place in Surrey.

wizzywig · 03/09/2021 10:58

I think I have gone down an unhelpful route of starting to drink alcohol in the last couple of months. In an attempt to relieve boredom/ do something different. Like you've said, I'm just wanting to go out, wear painful shoes, dance and just do something

perrierplease · 03/09/2021 11:03

@wizzywig

I think I have gone down an unhelpful route of starting to drink alcohol in the last couple of months. In an attempt to relieve boredom/ do something different. Like you've said, I'm just wanting to go out, wear painful shoes, dance and just do something
Snap!
Original poster
stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 11:09

Drinking alcohol relieves the boredom, and isn't healthy. We shouldn't have to drink to get through another silent and dull evening and will end up with bigger problems long term. It is not going to fix the issue at hand.

We went on holiday to a Cornish horse shoe shaped harbour in July, and I could not get over how beautiful it was (not the sea or beach, although that was great) but looking at all of the lights on in the homes all around us, it was just magical. I could see people, life evolving. I couldn't stop looking at the scene of community, life, twinkling lights. People putting children to bed, sharing wine on the balcony, watching TV. Whole lives right there, and the comfort of knowing people were right there.

I realised how cut off and isolated I am here. I realised I wanted to be surrounded by lights too. To walk to a bar or restaurant, to have the ease of running out of things and nipping in to a shop (our nearest shop is 15 mins in the car) That if I fell over in the garden someone might actually help and hear me. It was a revelation and has stayed with me ever since.

I can see why people love the country of course, because it was my dream once too. My house is all I ever wanted for my entire life. Now here, with teens, feeling washed up and like my life is over and I am not even 50, that isn't such a great feeling. I can't think what it must be like to be old here, and cut off from even a doctor. How do they manage with the endless days of nothing and no one.

OP posts:
Bryonyshcmyony · 03/09/2021 11:12

Your marriage sounds depressing OP.

Original poster
stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 11:24

I actually love my dh, he makes me laugh like no one else even after all these years. He is very easy going, and goes along with most of my hair brained ideas. He is perhaps the only thing that isn't depressing for me right now. And I am grateful to have him really, god knows if my marriage was shit as well I would not cope.

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 03/09/2021 11:30

I grew up in a remote country town, OP, and hated it as a teen. Could not wait to get away. It is scenic and a great place if you are an outdoors type (if the weather is good) but if you are not, then it’s really restrictive. I’ve lived in cities ever since I left at age 18.

DP has make noises about wishing to retire to the countryside one day and I have told him NO WAY.

userxx · 03/09/2021 11:31

Time for you to get planning on where you're next move will be.