Two more years at least in rural village, please tell me how to enjoy it.

[stepupandbecounted]

Moved here when children were very young, and we have loved it up until a year ago. Little kids are now gangly teens that need driving everywhere. The Village is in the middle of nowhere and it is so so quiet here. As in silent.

I work part time, but can't switch to full time as there are NO jobs here.
I am just so bored with the lack of things to do/the countryside and the lack of fun. It is so lacking in fun. I miss having fun so much!

I have some great friends but they are quiet, not dancing types more into crafting, hiking and cooking. It didn't matter so much when we were younger with little kids, but now it is obvious to me that I need a life of my own as well. I can't remember the last time I felt really happy here.

I don't know how I can see this time out without going mad. Please tell me what makes you happy in rural settings? My dc are finishing GCSEs and then I can move, but until then I am stuck here. I don't even know where we would move to if we could. I am feeling really stuck.

Anyone else feeling like this?

Oh I feel you! Live on and Island, low population, incredibly claustrophobic at times. You have a timeline for when you can leave, I'd use that time as PP said to do courses (open uni or similar) skill up to make the move and job hunt eaiser.

Mmm, tricky one. I think places like Hathersage are fantastic. Rural but on a train line to Sheffield in one direction and Manchester in the other (in an hour or less if I remember). I'm sure there are lots of other places like that.

Not sure what you can do for now though - online choir with a glass of wine? Set up a yoga/exercise class?

In mean time can you plan have weekend away every few months for city break? Either on own or with friend or one of the kids? Make you feel like touching base with civilisation!

@stepupandbecounted

Do you think I am expecting too much from life? I am 45 nearly 46 and would love to go to a party, a London bar - even a nightclub. I would love to have a girls night on the town or sit on a rooftop bar and drink a cocktail, and wear heels instead of my old green wellies. To visit an art gallery and meet the artists, to see glittering lights.

But none of my friends do this anymore, all choose to stay at home every night and going out is not a thing anymore. Is that normal? Maybe it is me and I am setting unrealistic expectations. Maybe I am going to move and find the same everywhere.

I think lots of people have gone this way after covid.

But having the slaughtered lamb out of American werewolf in London as your local isn't going to help TBH.

Where's the naughty people? The fun people?? They all do hiking, baking and are quite serious. Its very straight laced, jolly hockey sticks

Yes!!!!!!! That is it. There are no nights. No [glitterballs] It is people ageing well before their time and NO LIFE!!!

I am living the life of a pensioner, and not a very sociable one. A hermit perhaps.

I can't understand how anyone can honestly cope with this and another 40 years minimum.......there are shorter terms for murder, double murder.

Where are you roughly fubitch ?

OP I live half a mile outside a big City and it is grim. It stinks, there’s rubbish everywhere, far too many people and cars, traffic is horrific, everywhere is so LOUD, and honestly, I’m tired of it. I’m 35 and bored to death of the City, there is nothing I want to do here, barring the nice cinema with leather recliners

@stepupandbecounted It was right for you then so the move has not been a failure.

I live in London and would say I think the age of reproducing is older than the UK average so many 46 year olds have very young kids so aren't necessarily available for cocktails every night of the week. Not sure what it's like in other cities. But undoubtedly there's always plenty to do!

DH and I are in a similar situation (and we both work from home full time) we've decided we're both going to have an affair so we've got something to talk about. I'm thinking of making a day of it when I come clean about mine, do a PowerPoint presentation followed by a seminar maybe ger some caterers in to provide refreshments, I reckon DH would would like that. Now to find 2 people within a 20 mile radius for us to have affairs with...

Prepare your house for sale, repainting, fixing and a bit of "swedish death cleaning" for decluttering.

Getting away on the weekends as often as you can, maybe join travel forums like tripadvisors and discuss exciting plans.

Get away for £30 nights away and thousands of pounds on holidays to far flung places if you can.

It wont be long

Dp has grown old here too in some ways. He used to be up for a bit of a life, now the slippers are out and he is happy to sit at home every night, indefinitely too!! He would be happy anywhere he says. So at least he is on board.

I don't think you are expecting too much. The novelty of going out and partying might wear off - this happened to me and I rarely go in to the city centre but I like to know I can. I'm lucky to live close by so if I do choose to it's right there. I also live somewhere very green with easy access to parks and non city things so a lovely balance. I'll never tire of the fact I can order a takeaway from about any cuisine I could desire or if it's pouring with rain or I just can't be bothered to get dressed and I need milk and wine Uber Eats will bring me it, often for about 70p

@stepupandbecounted

Shropshire!

I'm curious as to where the OP lives. Sounds like a national park.

we lived in a village when the children were small.
We moved there unexpectedly, and it was the same village as my parents.
Kids were in school in the village. Lots of parents to chat too etc etc.

We lasted 2 years. We were renting and wnated to buy and as we looked at where to buy we very quickly decided, not a village.

For me, it was the fact that to do anything was a 20 minute drive.
Cubs? 20 minutes (with 8 o'clock finish and a toddler and baby, so to facilitate ds going, meant we had to keep little ones up late once a week)
pint of milk after 4 pm - 20 minutes.

It just wore me down.
We thought about our kids as teens and that they woudl want to visit friends, go and hang out in town, maybe meet up for the cinema, and they would always need to be driven. No buses, too dangerous for bikes, the thought of it made me sad actually.

We moved to a large town, not pretty or fancy, but it has theatre, restaurants, pubs, cinemas, ice rink, swimming pools, etc etc etc.
Kids are now teens and do all the things mentioned above with friends. On top of that the 2 oldest have saturday jobs, and get themselves there on the bus.

Our town is surrounded by beautiful countryside. I have a dog and can still do 3 or 4 different 5km walks from home going through parks, communal land, nature reserve etc, all very pleasant.

I think rural life is massively over-rated.

Ah yes! I am not in Shropshire, but it is very very very similar. It is a shire. Perhaps it is a shire thing.

I do think you might be idealising the lifestyle 45 year olds live in the city (remember you were much younger when you left!). Yes of course we eat out and go to the occasional rooftop bar or gig, but I don't know anyone my age who still goes clubbing. We mostly have DC much younger than yours, mind you.

I'm wondering what has changed to make you suddenly so discontented? Pandemic? Midlife? Marital issues?

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to live where you live and I definitely think you should move, but is it really just the place?

Could you have a girls weekend away every few months? If not with your country friends, have you still got friends from where you originally moved from? Plan an old school friends reunion?

How many in your/surrounding villages? Is there a village hall? Could you organise a fundraiser for something - an old school disco type thing.

How far is your nearest town or city? Practically everyone I've ever known who's lived in a village (some older, more traditional types excepting), has travelled to the nearest town or city for at least 50% of their socialising/hobbies etc. (I don't think many people expect to move to a village and never/rarely leave it for anything?)

I do sympathise though - I was brought up in a village, although a friendly one with at least a couple of pubs and a fair number of kids or keep each other entertained) and then lived in a different one for 8ish years, and the second one was very different. It was so somehow less welcoming of outsiders, I think partially because it was in a more touristy area, and I never really felt at home there. It did have some good points though. While we lived there it's true that our socialising was more rural-themed, I guess! We did lots of walking and went to pub quiz nights, local beer festivals, the odd whist drive (😄), pie and pea supper, blackberrying, PTA fundraisers etc.

When I was younger, the social stuff in my home village always included well-attended fetes and garden parties, barn dances, music nights, car treasure hunts, wakes celebrations, well-dressings, charity mock-auctions, bonfires/fireworks, that kind of thing. A fair amount of that still goes on round here (more traditional farming communities). In more suburban/bigger/more diverse villages I suspect you'd perhaps get more modern entertainment 😁

I think lots of people have gone this way after covid

There is a distinct possibility you are totally right about this, as we were all out much more before. Other families seem happy to carry on being locked down, and I am here in my party hat, and finally found my bra and ditched the leggings and there is literally nowhere to go...and worse still many people seem to be very happy to keep it that way!

Either the Yorkshire Dales, Peak District or potentially the Cotswolds (although the Cotswolds will allow trendy trips into London and Oxford) so maybe not!

That's a shame! We could have had a retro 90s night out out!

oh and when we lived in the village, we could ahve travelled to several towns for entertainment, but it meant one of us couldn't drink.
taxi fare nearest town to village = £40 - more if late. Double that for a night out (there and back)

In fact my parents no longer live there, as they got older they said they need to live walking or cheap taxi distance from shop/ doctor etc and have moved into town.

Our village was Costwolds.
I think one of the problems is that people who can afford houses in Costwold villages are older and wealthier and less inclined to go clubbing

I live in a hamlet, and it is a 30-40 minute drive to the main town, so it is very rural. Our one and only pub on the outskirts of the village is very quiet, and I don't know how it manages to stay open.

I could be having a mid life crisis, I am happily married but I feel like a storm is brewing inside of me desperate to leap out and do something fun and interesting, to be carefree and experience feeling alive.

Get a dog

plus cost of babysitter, but getting babysitter is also a challenge in the village. (we had my parents, but without them, there was no-one)