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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two more years at least in rural village, please tell me how to enjoy it.

193 replies

stepupandbecounted · 02/09/2021 17:52

Moved here when children were very young, and we have loved it up until a year ago. Little kids are now gangly teens that need driving everywhere. The Village is in the middle of nowhere and it is so so quiet here. As in silent.

I work part time, but can't switch to full time as there are NO jobs here.
I am just so bored with the lack of things to do/the countryside and the lack of fun. It is so lacking in fun. I miss having fun so much!

I have some great friends but they are quiet, not dancing types more into crafting, hiking and cooking. It didn't matter so much when we were younger with little kids, but now it is obvious to me that I need a life of my own as well. I can't remember the last time I felt really happy here.

I don't know how I can see this time out without going mad. Please tell me what makes you happy in rural settings? My dc are finishing GCSEs and then I can move, but until then I am stuck here. I don't even know where we would move to if we could. I am feeling really stuck.

Anyone else feeling like this?

OP posts:
Beecham · 02/09/2021 22:27

Mid-40s is a funny time. I agree with the pp who said you can feel bored and unfulfilled wherever you live!!

I think you should be careful before throwing away what you've got. A nice set of local friends isn't that easy to find. If you moved back to a city who would you actually socialise with?

If you're really dead set on moving then make sure you rent first before selling up - try before you buy!

CFEC · 02/09/2021 22:28

OP, it sounds to me like you’ve got the wrong friends, doesn’t seem like you have much in common with them? I’m like you, I LOVE getting dressed up, cocktails, dancing etc. I live rurally too though and love it, but only because I do make the effort (and spend an extortionate amount of money in taxis each month) to go out with friends in the city once a month. I love it, dressed up/ cocktails/ dancing etc. Then, another weekend DH and I go for a meal and drinks with friends in our nearest town (6 miles away) it’s not as raucous or glam as the city night but I get dressed up and enjoy myself still.

I 100% know what you mean about the baking/ crafting/ joules wearing brigade, snore. Very old before their time. My school was full of them and they l live in the surrounding villages now and literally do nothing. I haven’t even attempted to make any friends in our village tbh as they all seem like baking/ crafting types whenever I’ve spoken to them and that’s not just me. Happy to have a chat if I bump into them walking the dogs etc, but I know they’d never be up for gritting dressed up and going into our local city so they’re just not really my type of people abs that’s okay, I’m probably not their type either.

So I sympathise, but I’m not sure it’s 100% the fact that you live rurally, I think you’ve been unlucky and live in a village with a load of boring, old before their time people. I LOVE living rurally and appreciate it so much more after I’ve been out in busy places. You have to get out there and do the things you want to do.

Agree with other posters, book weekends awar, lots of city breaks over the next 6 months. It’ll be fun and will enable you a change of scenery and to let off steam.

P.s, wish you were in my village!!

idontlikealdi · 02/09/2021 22:28

@wonderstuff

I love our village, but it's quite big though, about 4000 population, 4 pubs a couple of cafes and half a dozen shops, we've also got a train station, trains only go once an hour but mean we can go out to town without worrying about driving.

Over lockdown it was great to be able to walk out in scenic countryside, in the past I've done some long distance walks with friends, a good long trek with a pub lunch in the middle is an excellent way to spend a Sunday.

Who would you go out with if you move to town OP, can you not plan a weekend away to scratch that itch? I've always found life better when I've got stuff to look forward to. The hardest part of the pandemic for me was not being able to plan anything fun.

That's not a village IMO!
Yaya26 · 02/09/2021 22:31

You are very eloquently describing very similar feelings to me. I'm a similar age - 3 primary kids. Living in the country - landowners -beautiful scenery etc. I have quiet noncommunicative husband except when he's being argumentative which is several times a day. Our marriage is not good. The local community is lovely and does have a few events a year and weekly kids football training etc but since Covid there is nothing happening. today I could have cried we have all tested positive, feeling poorly and all on top of each other isolating. The thought of another lonely winter trying to work from home full time and home school makes me feel like jumping out of a window. I would do anything to have some fun, meet up with girlfriends, get giddy drunk and have some fun. The thought of the rest of my life living so isolated and being this drab and dreary kills me. At least you and your DH can plan your move (escape). Xx

Yaya26 · 02/09/2021 22:32

By the way I'm thinking Cotswolds. 😀

wizzywig · 02/09/2021 22:35

I feel like a mn get together is due

stonebrambleboy · 02/09/2021 22:36

Take up Morris dancing.

dotdotdotdash · 02/09/2021 22:36

Why not buy a glitterball and have a house party. Invite some of your wild friends from the past to shake up the hikers! You'll need a good playlist plus a signature cocktail.

If you do, please invite me.

Tumbleweed101 · 02/09/2021 22:42

I'm in a similar location. My job means I know all the local families so feel part of the community here but that wasn't the case til my current job. I grew up in London and dreamed of moving to the countryside. I mostly enjoy it except the travelling to get to town and lack of take aways etc. The bigger towns offer a reasonable amount to do.

However I do need my London fix on occasion and visit my parents there every few months. I love the buzz of being in the city but don't think I'd want to move back to live there full time. What is interesting is how much I've raised country kids with no street sense! They don't want to move to a city so I am stuck in the village until my 12yo grows up and I can decide what to do next.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/09/2021 22:43

This is really interesting to me (sorry - I know it’s your real life!)

I live in the city (albeit outskirts but still quite urban). The last year or so I’ve been dying to move to the countryside, although that could be due to all the lockdowns as much as anything. You’ve definitely not missed anything in the past year or so by being in the country as nothing was happening anyway!

However I remember feeling as you describe when I was a teen, or whenever I came home to my parents house in the countryside as a young adult. Reminds me why I wanted to get away and live in a town/ city!

Summerfun54321 · 02/09/2021 22:52

It’s ok to admit you’re not a village person, you tried to be but you’re not and that’s ok. Sounds like you need a big blow out at a festival. Take a load of drugs, dust off the cobwebs, buy some horrendous sparkly festival wear and dance all night. I can’t think what to advise beyond that sorry.

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 02/09/2021 23:03

@wonderstuff

I love our village, but it's quite big though, about 4000 population, 4 pubs a couple of cafes and half a dozen shops, we've also got a train station, trains only go once an hour but mean we can go out to town without worrying about driving.

Over lockdown it was great to be able to walk out in scenic countryside, in the past I've done some long distance walks with friends, a good long trek with a pub lunch in the middle is an excellent way to spend a Sunday.

Who would you go out with if you move to town OP, can you not plan a weekend away to scratch that itch? I've always found life better when I've got stuff to look forward to. The hardest part of the pandemic for me was not being able to plan anything fun.

Village?? sounds like a small town to me. When I think of a village there is a pub or 2 and a village shop and a bus once a week! Not trains every hour!
Beecham · 02/09/2021 23:05

I think working outside the home helps cure this feeling too. The rush and busy-ness of it combined with the social dimension means you really relish a quiet home life.

I could be wrong but suspect op is either WFH or is very part-time.

I also suspect Cotswolds!!

ManifestDestinee · 02/09/2021 23:08

So you completely loved it up until a year ago, and now you totally hate it and are so bored and nobody ever has any fun....has it not occured to you that the problem is the pandemic? The place hasn't changed at all since a year ago, its the same as it was. You didn't want London nightclubs a year ago, why now?

thecatsabsentcojones · 02/09/2021 23:11

Have a bloody good party, invite a good few, get them all absobloodylutely lashed up. See who’s up for it in the village.

I’ve met my closest party people in small villages!

Nsky · 02/09/2021 23:18

Maybe a somewhat mid life crisis, and what does your other half think, assuming you do?
59, early retired, had plans now semi severe eye condition, until sorted, not much fun.
Take something like duolingo fab, the paid version ( free is ok), you just to get through this phase

CorianderBee · 02/09/2021 23:30

Volunteer somewhere? Maybe do acid? Idk surely there's a town half an hour away/an hour away that you could go to for weekends and leave teens at home

NautaOcts · 02/09/2021 23:31

Is there a bigger town/city not too far away? Can you just go there for nights out and events? What about buying tickets for some gigs, weekend breaks to cities…. Maybe with a few things to look forward to the 2 years will pass quicker than you think.
Any wild old friends you can invite to stay for the weekend? Plus seeing your area through their eyes might help. And bonus you might get invited back to stay with them!

MrsDThomas · 03/09/2021 07:06

@ZaraCarmichaelshighheels Village?? sounds like a small town to me. When I think of a village there is a pub or 2 and a village shop and a bus once a week! Not trains every hour!

My village is
no shop - 3 miles away
No school - 3 miles away
No takeaway -3 miles away
no trains -19 miles away
Tesco -5 miles away

And this is what i love. Similar county folk. Most are born and bred in the area.

DeathStare · 03/09/2021 07:21

@stepupandbecounted

I live in a hamlet, and it is a 30-40 minute drive to the main town, so it is very rural. Our one and only pub on the outskirts of the village is very quiet, and I don't know how it manages to stay open.

I could be having a mid life crisis, I am happily married but I feel like a storm is brewing inside of me desperate to leap out and do something fun and interesting, to be carefree and experience feeling alive.

If your hamlet is so small then I'm guessing your DC must go to school in the town 30-40 minutes away? So why can't you just move there?
Bryonyshcmyony · 03/09/2021 07:34

Where are you driving your teens to?

Bryonyshcmyony · 03/09/2021 07:36

@Beecham

I think working outside the home helps cure this feeling too. The rush and busy-ness of it combined with the social dimension means you really relish a quiet home life.

I could be wrong but suspect op is either WFH or is very part-time.

I also suspect Cotswolds!!

Can't be Cotswolds, only an hour from Oxford where there is loads to do. Cornwall?
maddening · 03/09/2021 07:46

Where is the dc school? Surely that is in the town - could you not move there now?

I live in a village but still go out out with friends, it just involves staying over or hotel stays.

Toodlydoo · 03/09/2021 07:48

@suspiria777

Build a wicker man.
😂
PollyIndia · 03/09/2021 08:17

Stepupandbecounted, I am 45 and yes you can definitely have that life.
I’m in north east London, single mum to a 9 year old, and did think about whether London was for me in lockdown and did I want to move to the country maybe - i split with my boyfriend and running my business was incredibly hard. Then as things reopened, and the fun and culture came back, I knew I am nowhere ready to leave. This summer I’ve been out for dinners, to 2 festivals, to parties and clubs. I’ve danced and been to galleries and the theatre. I feel alive again and I bloody love it.
I bought a pair of Terry de havilland gold
Platforms in an online sample sale on New Year’s Eve last year, even though I knew I had nowhere to wear them and no prospects of finding anywhere soon and that was my stake in the ground for future joy. And I’ve worn them 3 times this summer. I also love dressing up. It’s out there, you can definitely find it. Just do what others have said and spend the next few years deciding where to go. You have 40 more years as you say - so much time left for fun. Good luck!

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