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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband's nighttime wee

336 replies

canichange · 02/09/2021 16:28

Every night between 3 and 4 am, my husband gets up and goes for a wee in our en-suite. It's a fairy big bedroom and a big bathroom, so it's not like he is 'in the room', but he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep.

He's been doing it forever, but we have a 4 and 2 year old who wake for the day between 5 and 5:30 and it's exhausting. If I'm lucky enough to doze back off to sleep, it's never long before the DCs are up so I'd only ever manage to grab a few minutes max.

He tries to be quiet but we live in an old house which creaks. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd night here and there, but it's basically every night. My day started before 4am today Sad

He seems to think it's just his body clock that wakes him up and he needs to go for a wee to be able to get back to sleep Confused I told him to stop drinking anything after teatime to see if he can break the habit - like when you are trying to get a toddler dry at night!

So:
YABU - let the poor man have his wee and go back to sleep.
YANBU - he needs to train himself to break the habit.

OP posts:
Blankspace4 · 02/09/2021 16:29

YABU, sorry. He can’t help his bladder!

Yeaemmm · 02/09/2021 16:29

Yanbu

ChatterMonkey · 02/09/2021 16:31

YABU. He needs to pee.... Hmm

Toottooot · 02/09/2021 16:32

Maybe he should just piss the bed. You are being ridiculous

Envoitrevisage · 02/09/2021 16:32

YABU. Completely so.

Would you like being told you weren’t allowed to urinate when you needed to?

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 02/09/2021 16:32

Of course you’re being unreasonable. He can’t be expected not to drink in the evening just to stop you waking. We both get up in the night for a wee and each wakes the other, but we go back to sleep after. Try earplugs or a white noise app to help, but really, you can’t expect someone not to use the loo when they need to.

YerAWizardHarry · 02/09/2021 16:33

YABU what do you expect him to do? Hold it until a more appropriate time? Bladder health becoming poorer with age is not uncommon

DuckDuckGooses · 02/09/2021 16:33

YABU!

Why are you asking an adult to try and not do a normal bodily function? Or not to have a drink after teatime? Get some ear plugs if the noise bothers you (you say it's an old house - maybe fix the floorboards!).

Nixandwotsit · 02/09/2021 16:33

How old is he? There is a tendency for anyone to need to get up for a wee in the night. And it would be pretty daft to go to bed thirsty to try to avoid it. It will be your turn at some point Op.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 02/09/2021 16:33

Does he flush? Or is it the getting up that wakes you?

DH both have a wee every night at some point. But no flushing allowed.

Nixandwotsit · 02/09/2021 16:33

I meant to say - anyone to need to get up as they get older.

HirplesWithHaggis · 02/09/2021 16:33

Would it be quieter if he used the main loo rather than the en suite?

Original poster
canichange · 02/09/2021 16:33

Sorry - maybe I should have said lighthearted!

Of course I'm not suggesting he should wet the bed, nor have I made a big deal out of it.

Maybe I should have asked whether it sounds normal for a man in his early 30s to need a wee during the night pretty much every night?

OP posts:
Footprintsonmyfloor · 02/09/2021 16:34

Yab utterly u. If he needs a wee, he needs a wee.

DisappearingGirl · 02/09/2021 16:34

I don't know if this is any help at all but just a suggestion for you rather than your DH. I have found that if I drink caffeine after about midday, I generally get to sleep fine but if anything wakes me in the night I struggle to get back to sleep again.

However if I avoid caffeine after midday then even if I get woken up I usually go straight back to sleep.

Just thought it was worth a mention as it took me a while to make the link!

It sounds maddening though.

Bancha · 02/09/2021 16:35

God, my poor DH! I’m pregnant and at the moment getting up at least twice a night to wee! But not in an en-suite. Could your DH use the main bathroom? You can’t ask him not to pee though… surely you realise that?!

RandomMess · 02/09/2021 16:35

He needs to drink a lot more earlier during the day. He also needs to sneak out and use the family bathroom?

Alternatively I can highly recommend separate rooms, best thing ever!

AllAroundTheWorldYeah · 02/09/2021 16:35

I wee most nights, & like your OH, if I wake up I can't get back to sleep until I've emptied my bladder. I think it's pretty normal?

Why can't you wear earplugs and an eye mask?

Bancha · 02/09/2021 16:36

Just seen your update, sorry! But I still think a compromise would be him going a bit further away to pee.

Akire · 02/09/2021 16:36

Long as he his doing best close the door, not flushing etc leave him to it. Is there reason why you are doing all 5.30am wakes up? Can’t he share them 50/50

PyjamaFan · 02/09/2021 16:36

YABU

What do you want him to do? Wet the bed?

Peace43 · 02/09/2021 16:37

Poor guy, I pee at least once every night. I wouldn’t want to wake my partner up but I can’t not pee Sad

Original poster
canichange · 02/09/2021 16:37

I have wondered about the separate rooms @RandomMess!

@DisappearingGirl thank you, that's a good tip. I shall try that. I do drink quite a bit of tea, but I like peppermint tea so I could switch to that after midday.

OP posts:
MatildaIThink · 02/09/2021 16:37

YABU

TheLadyGrayson · 02/09/2021 16:38

I’m that age and get up most nights for the toilet.. my partner has never uttered a word of complaint. Speechless at some of the threads I read on here!