My husband's nighttime wee

[canichange]

Every night between 3 and 4 am, my husband gets up and goes for a wee in our en-suite. It's a fairy big bedroom and a big bathroom, so it's not like he is 'in the room', but he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep.

He's been doing it forever, but we have a 4 and 2 year old who wake for the day between 5 and 5:30 and it's exhausting. If I'm lucky enough to doze back off to sleep, it's never long before the DCs are up so I'd only ever manage to grab a few minutes max.

He tries to be quiet but we live in an old house which creaks. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd night here and there, but it's basically every night. My day started before 4am today

He seems to think it's just his body clock that wakes him up and he needs to go for a wee to be able to get back to sleep I told him to stop drinking anything after teatime to see if he can break the habit - like when you are trying to get a toddler dry at night!

So:
YABU - let the poor man have his wee and go back to sleep.
YANBU - he needs to train himself to break the habit.

Can he use a different loo?

We have separate rooms due to this issue. Unexpected bonus - I don't have to put up with bad odours after he's eaten spicy food

@cultkid

Me and my husband both wee at least 10 times between us

My husbands farts wake the toddler up

I've told him it is now his job to go in and say sorry and tuck him back in 

10 times between you ?! Is it a competition to see who can go the most !

What do you suggest he do op?

If he needs to go, he needs to go! You’d have reason to moan if he pissed the bed, which is the alternative.

He should try not to drink in the 2 hours before bed and see if it makes a difference. Particularly if he drinks alcohol or tea (diuretics) in the evening.
I understand how you feel. When my DH drinks (alcohol) in the evening he always gets up to wee and wakes me, and I very often cannot get back to sleep. He also snores which prevents me falling asleep in the first place and wakes me during the night. I do sometimes sleep with earplugs but I can't do it all the time because then I don't hear my alarm and it makes my ears sore if I do more than a couple of nights in a row.
If I get up it doesn't disturb him. He is a heavy sleeper, I am the exact opposite.

YABU

I get up at least 3 times to pee

Wear ear plugs

@HPLikecraft

It is important to stay hydrated, so not drinking in the evening is not a good idea.

I think YABU, but I do sympathise, OP, as I'm often woken up by my DH (snoring and weeing). Ear plugs have saved my health and sanity.

yup, this. I used to advise older folk about managing their continence. The "no drinks after" thing can actually make it worse, best thing is to space liquid intake out evenly over waking hours...and no one ever should ever limit the amount of non alcoholic liquid that they drink if they are thirsty. I won't say yabu cos its annoying but allowing that he is otherwise healthy and it isn't to do with beer intake then I don't think there's much he can do.

I do feel your pain OP. I have an annoying sleep issue where if I’m woken by anything after about 3am, I just cannot get back to sleep. But that’s my issue, so if I know I have a particularly busy day the next day, or something where a bad night’s sleep would be an issue, I sleep in the spare room.

He now wakes up from habit. He has trained himself. If he can turn over and wait ten minutes before going to the loo, over a week or so he'll probably go back to sleep, even if he thinks he needs a pee. He's training himself again. I've trained my husband and he takes a water tablet. And I know from experience it makes no difference whether they go in the ensuite or main bathroom, it's the disturbance.

Suggestions:

1. pull up pants
2. make him lie on a bed of salt
3. tie a knot in it

YABU. He can’t help needing to pee.

I have similar aged children and am up once a night with the oldest who will also wake to wee and a gazillion times with the 2 year old. Often during all this I will need to wee. It’s just how it is.

My DH regularly gets up in the night for a wee, sometimes more than once. It has very little to do with how much he has to drink, he just pees a lot. He has seen a doctor to check there is nothing wrong, and so far nothing has shown up - he just has to pee in the night.

We do have separate bedrooms though so he rarely bothers me now.

Separate bedrooms is the answer. I put up with disturbed nights from my husbands night terrors, sleep talking, snoring and windy bum for 30 years. Then I went away for a month and shared a room with a friend who did none of those things and realised it was possible to sleep through the night. The week I came back I tried our spare room out and I never looked back.

I love my DH so much more now I'm not permanently exhausted and angry from sleep deprivation.

What @Springstar said was one of the exercises I was given after having a 4th degree tear (thanks DC).
It works for sure. It’s about stretching the bladder through distraction. Once it can hold more, you decrease the frequency of urination and the muscle gets stronger. It’s like a cycle.
Putting it off for 5 minutes a day will mean he should get the urge later and later. Definitely worth a go.
Advice from someone who has experience of being desperately sleep deprived; I don’t think you are being unreasonable to ask him to try a couple of non invasive tricks to help the issue!

Ha ha you would hate me, i get into bed and have to get up about 5 times before i fall asleep at night. Always have been like that, must have a tiny bladder. Often wake himself up as much as i try not too . Get ear plugs and an eye mask

Mine does this and I can't get back to sleep either. And it sounds like he's stood on a stepladder to do it because the pee echo in the loo is so loud, it's like a bloody waterfall. And he does this stop start thing towards the end like he's training his pelvic floor. (do men even have one?)

We both wee in the night...every night. I thought it was quite normal!

Very unreasonable. can you sleep in another room, to make you stop being unreasonable.

I'm like this too. When you need to go, you need to go! Can you sleep in a spare room if you have one if it bothers you that much?

@ApocalypseNowt 🤣🤣

@butterpuft How did you guess? We love a competition, I also try to fart louder to wake both kids 🤣

It's mostly me and I think when I go I disturb him he wakes up and then he goes for a wee

(This is a joke)

@Snuggz

YANBU. I thought you were maybe an older couple but for an early 30s man to be waking up to pee isn’t normal and sounds like if he tweaked his diet/water intake during the day, then it would solve his night time problem. He should be exhausting all avenues of things to try before giving up.

Has he had a diabetes check up recently? Night time weeing is a symptom.

This 100%. How much sugar / carbs does he usually eat for supper? Try doing a low-carb dinner for a few days, no pudding, no snacks, no sugary drinks and see if that helps.

Maybe I should have asked whether it sounds normal for a man in his early 30s to need a wee during the night pretty much every night?

No, surely that's abnormal? A 30yo is quite capable of holding their bladder for 8hours!

@clemency

I have a mutant kidney with two ureters and I wee a lot with a small bladder it's so annoying

Actually restricting his water during the evening means the urine in his bladder will be stronger/less dilute and will mean he is more likely to need to wee.