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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband's nighttime wee

336 replies

canichange · 02/09/2021 16:28

Every night between 3 and 4 am, my husband gets up and goes for a wee in our en-suite. It's a fairy big bedroom and a big bathroom, so it's not like he is 'in the room', but he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep.

He's been doing it forever, but we have a 4 and 2 year old who wake for the day between 5 and 5:30 and it's exhausting. If I'm lucky enough to doze back off to sleep, it's never long before the DCs are up so I'd only ever manage to grab a few minutes max.

He tries to be quiet but we live in an old house which creaks. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd night here and there, but it's basically every night. My day started before 4am today Sad

He seems to think it's just his body clock that wakes him up and he needs to go for a wee to be able to get back to sleep Confused I told him to stop drinking anything after teatime to see if he can break the habit - like when you are trying to get a toddler dry at night!

So:
YABU - let the poor man have his wee and go back to sleep.
YANBU - he needs to train himself to break the habit.

OP posts:
Mrscaptainraymondholt · 02/09/2021 17:21

does he sit alot during the day and/or on blood pressure meds?

For a while I had swollen ankles which were basically water retention and when you lie down finally the water moves towards your kidneys resulting in the need to wee around 3am.... I'm now on some water tablets/BP meds - Bendroflumethiazide which stops the swelling and so the rush to my kidneys and hey presto no more 3am wees!

worth asking the doctor to check him out

KihoBebiluPute · 02/09/2021 17:22

You need separate bedrooms. His physical needs are incompatible with yours. It's not anyone's fault to have the needs they have, but it's unreasonable for either of you to either ignore your own needs or expect the other person to ignore theirs, just so that you can share a bedroom.

arootintootingoodtime · 02/09/2021 17:23

Well, it sounds like there's things both of you could do: foam earplugs, eye mask, cutting caffeine for you (I recently cut to one coffee in the morning and decaf the rest of the day and I am sleeping so much better it's crazy). For him, drinking in the day, nightlight for getting to the loo, going in another bathroom, getting his prostate checked.

Original poster
canichange · 02/09/2021 17:23

Hmmm, I am obviously being very unreasonable. Fair enough. I suppose I am just surprised that it's completely normal for a man of that age to need to wee during the night every night, but the we are. Every day is a school day.

I will stop drinking caffeine after 12 and will ask him to drink more water during the course of the day to see if it naturally reduces his thirst in the evening. He should do that anyway, regardless of nighttime wee situation.

I do have some earplugs so will also try those. I used to worry about not hearing the children when they wake up, but actually they come into our room now so that shouldn't be a problem.

OP posts:
speckledostrichegg · 02/09/2021 17:24

You need to improve your sleep, not try and stop anything that could potentially wake you up! (I say this as a terrible sleeper)

Ear plugs, white noise machine (fan is a good alternative), soft squashy eye mask, lots of exercise, cut back on caffeine and only have it in the morning etc etc

cultkid · 02/09/2021 17:25

Tell him to sit down and wee on to toilet roll

cultkid · 02/09/2021 17:26

Me and my husband both wee at least 10 times between us

My husbands farts wake the toddler up

I've told him it is now his job to go in and say sorry and tuck him back in 

doingnothing · 02/09/2021 17:26

maybe a wee furosemide is needed

mumsnet is INSANE sometimes

Folklore9074 · 02/09/2021 17:27

Ear plugs? I think YABU though.

Aprilx · 02/09/2021 17:28

I usually get up once in the night, I would not appreciate my DH trying to regulate when I go to the loo. Also, I do not understand why being stirred from sleep at say 4am for a couple of minutes is such a big deal, I would just roll over and go back to sleep.

icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 17:28

I will stop drinking caffeine after 12 and will ask him to drink more water during the course of the day to see if it naturally reduces his thirst in the evening.

The more water I drink, the worse my nighttime wee situation becomes unfortunately - I doubt this will be the solution you want it to be.

icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 17:31

Also, I do not understand why being stirred from sleep at say 4am for a couple of minutes is such a big deal, I would just roll over and go back to sleep

Then you're very very fortunate.

Many people struggle to get back to sleep once they're woken up.

ClemencyDemency · 02/09/2021 17:32

He should trot along quietly to the family bathroom rather than the en suite. A small gesture that might help you. It's no fun being knackered!

I never need to do a night-time wee. The person who gets up every 90 mins for a piss needs to see a doctor. Life doesn't have to be like that!

ClemencyDemency · 02/09/2021 17:33

@Aprilx

I usually get up once in the night, I would not appreciate my DH trying to regulate when I go to the loo. Also, I do not understand why being stirred from sleep at say 4am for a couple of minutes is such a big deal, I would just roll over and go back to sleep.
But her issue is that she can't get back to sleep. She ain't you!
MysteriousMonkey · 02/09/2021 17:35

I think YANBU. I don't drink after 8pm normally because I'd have to get up and I don't want to. DH does get up though and doesn't flush so mostly I sleep through.... You might find even if your DH stops doing it you'll wake up now anyway, you're probably as trained as he is!

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 02/09/2021 17:35

YABU OP. And with two children just be glad it's not you! Most women who've given birth have ahem weaker bladders.

You'd hate living in our house. I always have a big glass of water before I go to bed which invariably means I need to get up between 4 and 5 to go to the loo.

It's not good to dehydrate yourself just so you don't need the loo.

Maybe you need to sort the kids out so they don't bother you as early. The 4 year old can stay in their room and entertain themselves, surely? More difficult with a 2 year old I know.

loopylindi · 02/09/2021 17:35

my DH is 'an older man' and he sometimes gets up 4/5 times a night. Sometimes he wakes me and when he does I'm a zombie the next day. We've tried all strategies for reducing it - drinking more earlier in the day, he doesn't drink caffeinated drinks anyway, not drinking anything much in the evening but there seems to be no solution - apart from separate rooms!!

RandomMess · 02/09/2021 17:36

Why doesn't your DH get up with the DC at 5am so you can catch up on your sleep?

delilahbucket · 02/09/2021 17:36

You cannot expect him not to have a drink all evening. I stop all liquids at 10 because otherwise I wake an hour or so after I've gone to sleep, needing a wee, and I don't like broken sleep. I also have a wee getting ready for bed, and another right before I go to sleep. Maybe he could try that.
And yes, if you are having caffeine later in the day your body could well be processing it throughout the night and keeping you awake.

ClemencyDemency · 02/09/2021 17:36

Me and my husband both wee at least 10 times between us

Getting up fives times in the night each? You both need a urologist. Unless night-time weeing is your hobby.

Lunificent · 02/09/2021 17:37

Does he drink beer/wine in the evening? I find I’m more likely to need to get up in the night if I’ve had a beer in the evening.

Oblomov21 · 02/09/2021 17:37

Sounds totally normal. Some people sleep through. Others go for a wee. Both are completely normal.

Why can't you drop off back to sleep? That's your problem that you really need to address.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 02/09/2021 17:37

I do think he should sit down to go to the loo though - much quieter! But surely it's him getting out of bed that is disturbing you - so it doesn't really matter which loo he used, or whether he stands up or sits down?

NewlyGranny · 02/09/2021 17:39

DH does this. He doesn't shut the en-suite door and refuses to do a sit down wee so it always wakes me up. It's like Niagara. He needs to get his prostate checked and he refuses to do that, too.

Sheba1000 · 02/09/2021 17:43

YABU. Although as a compromise he could use the main toilet