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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband's nighttime wee

336 replies

canichange · 02/09/2021 16:28

Every night between 3 and 4 am, my husband gets up and goes for a wee in our en-suite. It's a fairy big bedroom and a big bathroom, so it's not like he is 'in the room', but he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep.

He's been doing it forever, but we have a 4 and 2 year old who wake for the day between 5 and 5:30 and it's exhausting. If I'm lucky enough to doze back off to sleep, it's never long before the DCs are up so I'd only ever manage to grab a few minutes max.

He tries to be quiet but we live in an old house which creaks. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd night here and there, but it's basically every night. My day started before 4am today Sad

He seems to think it's just his body clock that wakes him up and he needs to go for a wee to be able to get back to sleep Confused I told him to stop drinking anything after teatime to see if he can break the habit - like when you are trying to get a toddler dry at night!

So:
YABU - let the poor man have his wee and go back to sleep.
YANBU - he needs to train himself to break the habit.

OP posts:
Lycanthropology · 02/09/2021 17:00

@minipie

YABU

You need foam earplugs. They rock.

They do. I wouldn't be (or sleep) without them.
MrsDThomas · 02/09/2021 17:02

Yanbu. My dh is the same. Ive told him he needs to drink more in the day and less before bed. Its nothing to him to drink a can of coke before bed. Thats the issue.

Ive also mentioned prostate. To no avail. So no, yanbu

Springstar · 02/09/2021 17:02

[quote canichange]@Springstar that's sort of what I'm getting at. He said himself it's like it's just a habit. I shall gently suggest that tactic![/quote]
Failing that - must he use the ensuite? And does he turn lights on? DH gets up a couple of times but he's 60.
He's very good at manoeuvring in the dark though, and the toilet is along the hall (vaguely lit by street light)

GoodnightGrandma · 02/09/2021 17:04

Tell him not to flush.
And get yourself into another bedroom.

Peanutsandchilli · 02/09/2021 17:04

I think you're the one with the problem. Can you not get something to help you sleep?

Aria2015 · 02/09/2021 17:05

If I wake in the night I feel like I need to wee to get back to sleep and I'm in my 30's too. I'm sure it's just in my head but either way I can't settle again until I've gone. Have you tried earplugs? That might help?

Fernie6491 · 02/09/2021 17:08

I wake almost every night (I'm a very light sleeper), and HAVE to go to the bathroom, even when it may not really be necessary.

It's a psychological thing. I just can't get back to sleep at all and it will play on my mind until I've 'been' . Maybe your DH is the same. Confused

Munchyseeds · 02/09/2021 17:09

Sorry but I really don't think needing to pee every night at his age is normal...would be worth him getting checked out for any possible infection and drinking lots more fluid during the day
If all is found to be Ok ask him to use main bathroom and sit down

BertieBotts · 02/09/2021 17:10

When I was pregnant I weed in the night most nights, if it woke DH up he'd need to wee too.

I think once you've noticed you need a wee you can't reasonably sleep.

That potty training advice to reduce liquids has been debunked I think as it matters less when you drink and more when your kidneys process the liquid.

Mischance · 02/09/2021 17:10

Get him a urine bottle!

I once cut the top off a litre plastic drinks bottle for my OH for this purpose, not noticing that the edge was quite sharp. My OH's remarks are unrepeatable!

LaikO · 02/09/2021 17:11

YABU, I generally have to go once at night, but it doesn't wake my partner if I use the en suite. Regardless, I wouldn't be holding it in and lying awake and uncomfortable, or risking a UTI.
I wouldn't be happy with not drinking after a certain time either, that's an awful idea.
Does he flush? We don't flush in the middle of the night if it's just a wee, then just flush it first thing.

ittakes2 · 02/09/2021 17:12

He should get his prostrate checked or check for diabetes

palslondon · 02/09/2021 17:12

I use to wake most nights to go to the loo and had to train myself not to as I was having trouble getting back to sleep after. Two tips which helped me were 1) drinking more water earlier in the day and less in the eve 2) when I did wake up, I'd try to make myself go back to sleep without going to the loo

I feel number 2 helped the most, was a challenge at the start but definitely helped me stop the habit and change my body clock!

PolytheneRam · 02/09/2021 17:13

Wtf do you expect him to do??

VainAbigail · 02/09/2021 17:14

YABU
YABU
YABU
YABU

Oh, and YABU.

flowerbus · 02/09/2021 17:14

Ear plugs are a life changer

FiveGs · 02/09/2021 17:15

YABU

HalzTangz · 02/09/2021 17:16

I wake up every night between 3 and 4 and don't drink anything after 6pm. Makes no difference stopping drinking, my body decides it still wants to per in the middle of the night.

Have you tried wearing ear plugs, maybe that will block out the noise and then not wake you

ShinyMe · 02/09/2021 17:17

Some people have bladders like that.

I was a bed wetter as a child and my mum drilled it into me to go for a wee at every opportunity, and definitely last thing at night and any time I woke up in the night. 40 years later, i still go for a wee at least once every night. I don't really need it, but it's habit and I can NOT sleep if I haven't been. And it's definitely got worse as I got older.

I mean, he may want to get his prostate checked just in case, but chances are it's nothing. But trying to go back to sleep with a bladder telling you to have a wee is just torture.

maddy68 · 02/09/2021 17:17

What would you like him to do?

MushMonster · 02/09/2021 17:17

Seriously? YABVVVVVVU

WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 02/09/2021 17:17

YABVU

holding your wee can cause all sorts of problems

Unescorted · 02/09/2021 17:18

My dad ignored the getting up during the night for a pee because he was of that age. He ignored the needing to stop on car journeys of more than 90 minutes because he was that age. He then went on to ignore the incontinence because it was embarrassing.

When he finally went to the doctor they diagnosed him with prostate cancer. It had spread to his bones and now 10 years after his diagnosis he has stage 4 cancer, with it having spread to his spine and we think (given his moods) his brain.

Please encourage your partners to get their prostates checked.

Babyroobs · 02/09/2021 17:19

Ask him to wear one of those conveen things that incontinent people wear so he can wee into a tube that drains down to a bag. no noise involved.

Jent13c · 02/09/2021 17:20

Does he work on his feet? I do and my lower legs get a little swollen. At night the fluid balance shifts from legs when they are elevated to my kidneys and even though I have a bladder of steel I'll be up to pee at least once. If he does try getting him to sit with his feet elevated in the evening or try compression socks or maybe a wee furosemide is needed.