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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband's nighttime wee

336 replies

canichange · 02/09/2021 16:28

Every night between 3 and 4 am, my husband gets up and goes for a wee in our en-suite. It's a fairy big bedroom and a big bathroom, so it's not like he is 'in the room', but he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep.

He's been doing it forever, but we have a 4 and 2 year old who wake for the day between 5 and 5:30 and it's exhausting. If I'm lucky enough to doze back off to sleep, it's never long before the DCs are up so I'd only ever manage to grab a few minutes max.

He tries to be quiet but we live in an old house which creaks. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd night here and there, but it's basically every night. My day started before 4am today Sad

He seems to think it's just his body clock that wakes him up and he needs to go for a wee to be able to get back to sleep Confused I told him to stop drinking anything after teatime to see if he can break the habit - like when you are trying to get a toddler dry at night!

So:
YABU - let the poor man have his wee and go back to sleep.
YANBU - he needs to train himself to break the habit.

OP posts:
Original poster
canichange · 02/09/2021 16:39

@RandomMess you are also right about needing to drink more earlier in the day, I will suggest that. He doesn't have anything before he leaves for work (no breakfast or a drink), usually has a coffee at work in the morning then often nothing until he comes home in the evening. He might have the occasional soft drink during the day, but he definitely catches up for the lack of water in the evening, so that suggestion may help.

OP posts:
JaneTheVirgin · 02/09/2021 16:40

Can he not just use the bathroom that's not in the ensuite?

Springstar · 02/09/2021 16:41

I read an article about this in saga magazine ( yes I'm old!) It suggests that 1x per night is normal but suggests not getting up immediately but trying to hold it for say half an hour, then going. This is because it can just become a habit.
I tried it and can now sleep through 10 till 6ish, without getting up for a wee. Helps if I avoid drinking from about 8, but I do have a gulp of water before light goes out.

CoronaPeroni · 02/09/2021 16:41

Can't he tiptoe to the family bathroom? Would that be any better? Neither of us use the en-suite in the night because of waking the other. Poor you!

HadEnough798 · 02/09/2021 16:42

YANBU!!

My boyfriend was similar - I asked him to stop drinking a big cup of peppermint tea right before bed, all but solved the problem...

Obviously if he needs a wee he needs a wee but there ARE things he can try to minimise this (and if he's considerate he should be willing to try to minimise the impact on you).

nocoolnamesleft · 02/09/2021 16:43

YANRBU- you are not really being unreasonable. It's unusual for a man of that age to need to wee every night, and it's disturbing sleep for both of you. For most people this could be pretty easily sorted. 1) increase fluid intake in the early part of the day 2)in the day, when bladder is full, practice in the toilet holding on for a few seconds to improve sphincter control, and thus gradually get the bladder used to holding a bit more, 3)drink decaf in the evening, 4)nothing to drink for the last hour before bed.

This will stop the vast majority of children needing a wee in the night, so should work on him. If it doesn't, then it is his body clock, and offer sympathy.

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 02/09/2021 16:43

What is it that's waking you up? Is he putting the lights on and flushing?

I get up for a wee 2-3 times a night usually and I carry a portable nightlight that glows with a tiny bit of warm pink light to get to the en-suite and back.

I don't flush until the morning when we're all up.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/09/2021 16:43

YABU

The bladder wants what it wants.

But you have my sympathy - we once stayed with my friend whose lovely DH gets up to pee 3 or 4 times a night. She is used to it and doesn't wake up, but I was on my knees with exhaustion after a few broken nights.

aTeacherIamNot · 02/09/2021 16:43

You have my sympathies OP, I'm a light sleeper too, once I'm disturbed that's it, so annoying. Can anyone recommend comfortable ear plugs? I think I'll try a mask too.

Original poster
canichange · 02/09/2021 16:44

@Springstar that's sort of what I'm getting at. He said himself it's like it's just a habit. I shall gently suggest that tactic!

OP posts:
FoodIsOnMyMind · 02/09/2021 16:45

Yabu.

bdd2017 · 02/09/2021 16:48

Yabu

frogsbreath · 02/09/2021 16:48

Getting up for a Pee once a night isn't a problem, just ask him to use the family bathroom

LubaLuca · 02/09/2021 16:49

My husband gets up to wee most nights. No lights, he sits down, no flush.

Is it the irritation of it that's meaning you can't get back to sleep, rather than it making you feel wide awake? Do you ever sleep through him shuffling around?

InTheNightWeWillWish · 02/09/2021 16:50

I’m team DH in this.

But I’m 27 weeks pregnant and also getting up at 3/4am so I can be his wee buddy! Our bathroom is downstairs and our house is really dark so I need a wee light (bike light) to go to the bathroom. Fortunately DH could sleep through the end of the world but even if he couldn’t he’d be told he had two options - he shuts up or I pee myself in the bed regardless of whether he’s in there or not!

HPLikecraft · 02/09/2021 16:50

It is important to stay hydrated, so not drinking in the evening is not a good idea.

I think YABU, but I do sympathise, OP, as I'm often woken up by my DH (snoring and weeing). Ear plugs have saved my health and sanity.

Sydendad · 02/09/2021 16:51

@canichange

Sorry - maybe I should have said lighthearted!

Of course I'm not suggesting he should wet the bed, nor have I made a big deal out of it.

Maybe I should have asked whether it sounds normal for a man in his early 30s to need a wee during the night pretty much every night?

Sorry but Yanbu. I notice myself I have to get up if I drink a lot the evening. I find it reasonable to ask him to check his intake before bedtime as it makes a huge difference. I know I do. However it would also be reasonable to ask you to work on your sleeping problems as you should be able to get back to sleep and someone going to the toilet should not wake you up every night for the rest of the night. Both some work to do there!
Cryalot2 · 02/09/2021 16:53

To hold wee is not on. Does he put lights on or flush?

The alternative is a bucket beside the bed, or for him to sleep in the bathroom.
Dh has been on fluid tablets for years and when he needs to wee he has to .

Snuggz · 02/09/2021 16:53

YANBU. I thought you were maybe an older couple but for an early 30s man to be waking up to pee isn’t normal and sounds like if he tweaked his diet/water intake during the day, then it would solve his night time problem. He should be exhausting all avenues of things to try before giving up.

Has he had a diabetes check up recently? Night time weeing is a symptom.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 02/09/2021 16:54

Separate bedrooms?

CoastalMum101 · 02/09/2021 16:56

Yabu. I’m up at least every 90 minutes at night for a wee and have been since I had dc1. I don’t know what DP would be expecting me to do about it if he told me to stop going at night as it was waking him up Confused

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 02/09/2021 16:56

No drinks after tea time? WTF OP. YABU.

minipie · 02/09/2021 16:59

YABU

You need foam earplugs. They rock.

icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 16:59

Maybe I should have asked whether it sounds normal for a man in his early 30s to need a wee during the night pretty much every night?

I've needed to get up for the toilet in the night, every night my whole life - I don't think I've ever slept past 7am without getting up at least once more than a handful of times in my 32 years on this planet.

I have no health issues, no diabetes - I just need to pee a lot. I hate it and I'll bet it's more annoying for him than it is for you.

minipie · 02/09/2021 16:59

@CoastalMum101

Yabu. I’m up at least every 90 minutes at night for a wee and have been since I had dc1. I don’t know what DP would be expecting me to do about it if he told me to stop going at night as it was waking him up Confused
Every 90 minutes? You poor thing. Have you seen a women’s physio?