My husband's nighttime wee

[canichange]

Every night between 3 and 4 am, my husband gets up and goes for a wee in our en-suite. It's a fairy big bedroom and a big bathroom, so it's not like he is 'in the room', but he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep.

He's been doing it forever, but we have a 4 and 2 year old who wake for the day between 5 and 5:30 and it's exhausting. If I'm lucky enough to doze back off to sleep, it's never long before the DCs are up so I'd only ever manage to grab a few minutes max.

He tries to be quiet but we live in an old house which creaks. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd night here and there, but it's basically every night. My day started before 4am today

He seems to think it's just his body clock that wakes him up and he needs to go for a wee to be able to get back to sleep I told him to stop drinking anything after teatime to see if he can break the habit - like when you are trying to get a toddler dry at night!

So:
YABU - let the poor man have his wee and go back to sleep.
YANBU - he needs to train himself to break the habit.

You could put him in nappies and see if that works.

He does need to drink more during the day his skin will thank him for it.

I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE. I have a prolapse post birth of DS and suffer/ed with urinary incontinence and went to see a bladder specialist and guess what? You have to TRAIN your bladder. So even with a banjaxed pelvic floor I can still make it through the night every night.

Alternatively you tell him he has to get up with the kids every morning and let you stay in bed until he learns to stop waking you up!

YANBU and he needs to go to the Dr and ask for his prostrate to be checked

Sounds like he can't help it. Take a few drops of CBD oil to get back to sleep.

The body clings to habits, it is unlikely he needs to wee, more likely he is in the habit of waking and once awake in the habit of emptying his bladder.
I was once given the anti histamine Phenergan for an insect bite which made sleeping impossible. It is one of the older type of anti histamine which makes you drowsy. Worked beautifully, slept through the night with no need for my usual trip to the loo. Took it for 3 nights and it cured my nighttime need to pee.
I still use it on occasion when my sleep pattern has become disrupted to give me a decent night’s sleep. I find half a 10mg tablet enough for me.
I know it’s a bit random but worth a try. Happy to send you a few if you PM me your address @canichange.

My Gp told me that it is not normal for anyone under 50 to be up in the night to go to the loo unless menopausal women. I cannot believe some of these replies, some of you must get no sleep at all.

YANBU

@MiniCooperLover

YANBU and he needs to go to the Dr and ask for his prostrate to be checked

Or his prostate. (No idea what a prostrate is)

ffs, get some earplugs

Get him a plastic urine bottle like the ones they have in hospital and he can empty it in the morning.

Our floor boards also squeek so I feel your pain as no one can get up without waking the other!
However:
No it’s no normal for a 30 year old to get up and wee every night. My nearly 80 year old mother gets up every night. I’m 45 and have had two vaginal births, drink a lot during the day, wee every five minutes during the day and don’t get up every night to do a wee…
He absolutely should stop drinking earlier if he actually gives a shit about you!
You should not be getting so little sleep every night. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. End of. Good luck OP 💗

Asking him not to drink is not healthy. You could try meditation to help your anxiety.

Perhaps boiling bunnies would help?

Get a carpenter in and fix the craks.

creaks

Depends. Does he drink tea/coffee after 3ish? If he hasn't tried to stop that then YANBU.

But if he has tried changing what he drinks and when, then it's just how he's programmed. I get up most nights for a wee even when I'm not pregnant.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, OP, but your husband is being massively unreasonable in a) not even having a go at making reasonable adjustments to his own behaviour to help his wife's sleep (as you said, you're not asking him to drink less, but to try to drink more spread out through the day as is the norm) and b) not taking on a fair share of the sleep deprivation caused by your joint children.

I was going to suggest he should be doing ALL the early mornings given that he gets more sleep during the night anyway. His penis won't fall off if he does a bit of nighttime parenting. At the very least, if his excuse for not doing any of the wake ups/early starts is "because work" then he can do both the weekend nights, can't he?

Unless he's a poor father and husband to boot. I'd been really, really cross if my husband treated me with such disrespect and lack of care.

Taking matters into your own hands I'd suggest separate bedrooms and you going up to bed at 9pm. Your husband can do the washing up etc. after you've gone up - if your "working" day (looking after the children) begins early, then his can finish late (doing the housework). Because you're equal partners in your marriage, you are not there to serve him.

YANBU. How annoying!

YABU. I have to pee in the night. Every ducking night. I don't drink for a few hours before bed and I have a wee before bed too.

Does your husband snore? If we can't get into a deep sleep then the part of the brain that tells the kidneys to operate and produce urine can't switch off and continues to make urine during the night, meaning light sleepers/snorers then have to wake up to go for a wee! There is a much more in-depth explanation in the book "Breath" by James Nestor, I've only remembered that bit because my husband snores and needs to go for at least one wee a night...

A man in early 30s shouldn’t need a wee overnight every night. His body should be making the hormone that stops your body from making wee overnight. So he is either not emptying his bladder before bed or it’s an issue that can be treated.

He could get a referral to the wee clinic and they would be able to treat him.

So no, you are not being unreasonable!

Let the poor man have a piss... but tell him to either sit down (just because men can do stand up wees, it doesn't mean they have to FFS, especially if they do it from 10 feet away so it's like Niagara Falls) or go to a different toilet! We have one toilet and it's in our downstairs bathroom, so if I can traipse downstairs at 2am every morning for a pee, so can he!

@Tootsey11

My Gp told me that it is not normal for anyone under 50 to be up in the night to go to the loo unless menopausal women. I cannot believe some of these replies, some of you must get no sleep at all.

YANBU

I'm gonna go right ahead and call bs on this one.

@canichange

Sorry - maybe I should have said lighthearted!

Of course I'm not suggesting he should wet the bed, nor have I made a big deal out of it.

Maybe I should have asked whether it sounds normal for a man in his early 30s to need a wee during the night pretty much every night?

For as long as I can remember, I always need to wee at night. My getting up record is 7 times in one night. I've tried the no drinking after 6pm and it doesn't work. Very rarely do I sleep through the night. So rare that if I do, dh mentions it next day. He can't help it OP. No one chooses to disturb their sleep every single night.

@aTeacherIamNot

You have my sympathies OP, I'm a light sleeper too, once I'm disturbed that's it, so annoying. Can anyone recommend comfortable ear plugs? I think I'll try a mask too.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B018RIA3L2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_12WHN1HEPKAD0S9PR61E?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 These are great as they are quite soft. Have used them for years.