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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is your partner a creep?

213 replies

Bedpost · 29/08/2021 19:44

97% of women have been sexually harassed, so there must be a huge number of men responsible for this. I’m a lesbian and don’t have many male friends and never knew my dad. I’m fairly confident that none of my male friends or friends partners would shout at girls in the street, grope women etc (can’t be sure though). I’m wondering who on earth all these men are. There must be millions of these gross men walking among us, so does anyone know them personally? They must be someone’s dad/brother/partner/friend. So does anyone have a current partner or other male they are close to that they know/suspect is a creep?
I’m not really expecting anyone to say yes, but doesn’t it seem strange that nearly all women have experienced sexual harassment but no one seems to know a man (apart from a distant relation or boss/ex they are not on good terms with) who behaves this way? Are you sure that your partner doesn’t stare at/follow/make comments/harass women when you are not there?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 29/08/2021 19:45

I think you could say the same for most problems in the world. Nobody will admit to them/their relative being part of the problem.

My current partner is in no way a creep but in hindsight my ex was!

PumpkinKlNG · 29/08/2021 19:49

I don’t think many would admit but yes my ex is a creep! Majorly everyone wants to believe the people they know are “good”

EinAugenblickBitte · 29/08/2021 19:50

Are you sure that your partner doesn’t stare at/follow/make comments/harass women when you are not there?
What would you expect them to do if they did OP? Not sure what you are aiming at with this thread tbh

Shoxfordian · 29/08/2021 19:51

I’m as sure as I can be that my husband doesn’t do this; if I had any doubts then he wouldn’t be my husband

Bancha · 29/08/2021 19:55

I can say with total certainty that my DH isn’t a creep.

I think one element of this is that the creepy men you’re talking about probably aren’t friends with women - I’d be surprised if they thought it was ‘worth’ having a woman as a friend. I’ve definitely met friends of friends who are clearly total creeps but as I’m not available wouldn’t even give me the time of day - what’s the point in a woman that won’t shag you or clean your house?

As for relatives… well they must be related to some people. Not me! But I have a tiny family.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 29/08/2021 20:03

You'd be surprised, I work in construction and I'd say the bulk of the blokes are creeps...most married with families. I bet their wives think their husbands aren't like that too

arethereanyleftatall · 29/08/2021 20:04

Well one bloke could sexually harrass hundreds of women, so just because it's 97% of women, it's probably a way smaller % of men.
I know of one. I'd say at least 30 other women in my office would also list him as the bloke they were sexually harassed by.

WineAcademy · 29/08/2021 20:05

I'm also lesbian and this OP is a bit smug. What do you expect women to do? Men being awful to women isn't a woman's job to sort out.

SparksAndLarks · 29/08/2021 20:11

How would any woman know this.

Blokes don't arrive home and announce, "I leered at a teenage girl today and shouted at her about her nice tits".

Not really going to happen and it's not my job to go searching for unpleasant behaviour from a man just because I know him.

Lessthanaballpark · 29/08/2021 20:12

But it’s also a matter of timing. 97% of women have been harassed at least once right? So, if someone’s DH isn’t a harasser now it doesn’t mean that they didn’t try it in their youth then thought better of it as they got older.

I might be a bit optimistic but one likes to believe the best in people!

Kanaloa · 29/08/2021 20:16

Not my husband, he is a respectful, quiet and reserved person.

I believe my father was quite the sexist pig, but I was fortunate enough to never know him very well. My ex certainly was, he was a creepy fuck. Not sure if he’s still the same.

VestaTilley · 29/08/2021 20:30

I’ve met a few men who were definitely beyond creepy; I reported one of them to former work HR.

My DH is most certainly not one of them; I wouldn’t have married a man who is (and I think you can usually tell if they’re predatory or lecherous). I’m a feminist though and would rather have been single forever than get together with a man I thought would harass women.

mbosnz · 29/08/2021 20:32

My husband - I could only be more certain he's not a creep if I were actually him. Sadly, on the other hand, too many men I have the deplorable luck to call family, and friends, have proved themselves to be out and out, utter, UTTER, creeps.

leavesthataregreen · 29/08/2021 20:33

My first boyfriend when I was a school girl and he was well into his twenties Hmm, who I am still 'friends' with on FB and who appears to be happily married to a lovely woman, regularly used prostitutes while we were together, passed on an STD to me from them, slept with my best friend on my birthday in what these days might well be classified as rape. So I know one creep who passes as a doting family man, for sure.

leavesthataregreen · 29/08/2021 20:34

My dad, sadly, was also a creep.

Susannahmoody · 29/08/2021 20:34

You being a lesbian doesn't make you exempt Hmm

Funnylittlefloozie · 29/08/2021 20:54

I work with a LOT of men, and a disappointingly large minority of them are creeps. Fortunately I am old, and senior to most of them, and do not care, so if they are being creepy or inappropriate, I tell them so. Normally they shut up.

However, my exH was also a creep, and I am ashamed that I never challenged him on it. He once went to his mate's bbq and spent ages banging on about what nice legs the mates 14 year old daughter had. She was totally embarrassed, I was mortified, but I didn't speak up, and I hate that I didn't.

Shoemethemoney · 29/08/2021 20:56

My DH isn’t at all. I just know him too well. An ex I had definitely was, and as well as being a creep he used to speak to me in such a way that made me uncomfortable but I couldn’t always work out why. When I read about ‘negging’ it all made sense - it was that exactly

FangsForTheMemory · 29/08/2021 20:57

I think it's a relatively small percentage of men, say 5%, but they never stop. Some of them pester virtually every woman they're in contact with. I suffered harassment at work and when I eventually reported it and discussed it with colleagues, they all said 'Oh, HIM. You realise he behaves inappropriately to just about everyone, don't you?' Why this guy had got away with his behaviour i don't know, that's a whole other issue.

YouMeandtheSpew · 29/08/2021 20:58

I am as confident as I can be that my husband isn’t a creep.

I can’t say the same of my father or uncle though, unfortunately. I’m very confident they’re both creeps. Not necessarily in a yelling ‘nice tits’ out of car windows way, but definitely creeps.

I also have an ex that was definitely a creep. Which is one of the reasons he’s an ex.

Peace43 · 29/08/2021 20:58

My DP and my ex-H are definitely creep free. Both quiet, respectful guys. I have worked with a creepy guy though and we made a formal complaint to HR and he was eventually dismissed, there is a creepy guy who lives in my village who is in his 80s but has made inappropriate remarks to lots of the the ladies of all ages in the village. 2 guys who I know firsthand have harassed upwards of 50 women between them.

SunscreenCentral · 29/08/2021 20:59

Nobody will admit to this. Nobody will admit to football lunatic partners. Just won't happen.

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/08/2021 21:00

I suspect that, as a younger man, DP was possibly too exuberant in how he approached women, and didn’t necessarily have a great amount of a subtlety or caution. I wouldn’t say that would have made him a “creep”, but I think had I met him in his twenties I possibly wouldn’t have liked him much.

He’s learned a lot as he’s grown older and he’s particularly benefitted from having close female friends who’ve been straight with him about how women feel about particular types of male behaviour.

Zealois · 29/08/2021 21:02

I really do believe my DP is respectful.

I do have a male cousin who is creepy, so there's one anyway. I've also worked with several very creepy men in various jobs over the years.

Kithic · 29/08/2021 21:02

@Shoxfordian

I’m as sure as I can be that my husband doesn’t do this; if I had any doubts then he wouldn’t be my husband
This!!!

apart from a distant relation or boss/ex they are not on good terms with no shit??

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