Is your partner a creep?

[Bedpost]

97% of women have been sexually harassed, so there must be a huge number of men responsible for this. I’m a lesbian and don’t have many male friends and never knew my dad. I’m fairly confident that none of my male friends or friends partners would shout at girls in the street, grope women etc (can’t be sure though). I’m wondering who on earth all these men are. There must be millions of these gross men walking among us, so does anyone know them personally? They must be someone’s dad/brother/partner/friend. So does anyone have a current partner or other male they are close to that they know/suspect is a creep?
I’m not really expecting anyone to say yes, but doesn’t it seem strange that nearly all women have experienced sexual harassment but no one seems to know a man (apart from a distant relation or boss/ex they are not on good terms with) who behaves this way? Are you sure that your partner doesn’t stare at/follow/make comments/harass women when you are not there?

@Guineapigbridge

My FIL is a creep sometimes. Kind of an old flirt, but it's with a twinkle in his eye so he gets away with it. He expresses sexist attitudes more often than I'm comfortable with. MIL is sexist as hell and openly hates women.

My DH is a flirt and can veer over into being a creep sometimes. He likes looking at women walking by and is less obvious about it than he needs to be.

Do you like/respect your husband? I would hate to have to say my husband ‘veers over into being a creep.’ I would find it humiliating and upsetting to think that about him.

@MaudebeGonne

I spent a few years working behind a bar in a working class/Irish pub in South London, and was able to observe plenty male behaviour and earwig many conversations that I normally wouldn’t be privy to. My rough estimate is that about 30% were genuine creeps, 20% proper good guys (in that they wouldn’t engage in creepy behaviour or with creeps, and would call out bad behaviour) and that 50% would laugh along - wouldn’t start anything but wouldn’t stop it either.

That’s where I met my husband, and I knew him for about a year before we got together, so I knew he was one of the 20% of genuine good guys.

There it is, there's the stats. Only 20 per cent of men deserve us.

Yes I absolutely like and respect my husband. I take his faults and shortcomings like he takes mine. We are improving with age. We can all be jerks.

I see. I genuinely couldn’t respect a man who I thought veered over into creepy behaviour towards women. I think it’s indicative of a deep seated misogynistic attitude. People like to say men ‘don’t understand’ that certain actions make women deeply uncomfortable, but that same type of man seems to understand that he would not appreciate that type of creepy advance from a gay man.

My dad is a creep, my uncles too (mum's brothers). A few friends male partners too. At uni and work there was definitely the creepy few blokes as well.

Kabaloa, he does have some deep seated mysogynistic attitudes (from his parents, who espouse those attitudes pretty openly imo). That said he's a full participant in running our children and our home, has always supported me pursuing my career which takes me all over the world, never looks at porn without my consent/ethical participation and is a faithful husband and father. In action and deed, he's a good man and respectful. When I say he "veers over into creepiness" I mean he has a very flirtatious style and has-been known to gawk/stare at women he finds attractive. He also makes dodgy jokes referencing the sexual availability of teen girls. In that regard he's a pretty typical man of his generation: borderline creepy.

The report that 93% of women have experienced harassment, does not make 93% of men creeps.
It's awful to lump them all together, I know my DH and 2 DS's cross the road when out at night to avoid intimidating a women. They are respectful and supportive of women's rights (they work in education and health).
I know creepy behaviour when I see it though, my father, uncle and several cousins were not above it. When you look at some of the stuff that was in in the 80s (Benny Hill, Baywatch) you wonder how they got away with it.

dodgy jokes referencing the sexual availability of teen girls

Ffs.

Makes jokes regarding the sexual availability of teenage girls? He sounds worse with every post you make. Have you any daughters yourself? I’m halfway between hoping you don’t have girls because what a harmful attitude to soak up, and hoping you do so this isn’t being passed on to another generation of young men.

Yes, I know plenty of creepy men. My uncle, my brother in law, my neighbour, my colleague, my ex.

I'll let him know what you think .

MOST men do this shit. You lot sound like you haven't been round that many men, tbh. When they're alone, they're creeps!! 80 percent of them, according to the poster above.

I didn’t mean that 90%+ of men must be creeps because over 90% of women have experienced harassment. I know it’s a minority of men, I just think that if so many women have experienced harassment it must be a large enough minority that there must be millions of them in the world. And I think mumsnet has millions of users (not all will see this thread) so i thought it’d be interesting to ask if any of the many people on here know/are in a relationship with any of the many creeps out there. Since all the creeps must have families and I know many must have partners.

I went to uni on a male dominated course. 50/50 creeps. But if you saw them now you'd never know. Their current wives most likely never saw any of it. They themselves have most likely forgotten how they were or never knew it was creepy. I still catch a few commenting about how disgusting some short skirts are under their breath. There's also the occasional "those hooters" also muttered. Of course there's nothing creepy about that.

I'm related to too many creeps. I only know because I realised that no one was ever creepy. Yet the abuse outside was horrific. Turns out you needed to catch them off guard. A good indicator were the real gentlemen who tried to put strangers especially women at ease. Honestly not a good sign. It's like daylight grooming.

My LH wasn't.

But my ex was.

My first ex wasn't either

never looks at porn without my consent/ethical participation
Yeah, right. He sounds an utter sleaze bag.

I think reading all these 'my partner 100% isn't a creep' posts just shows how deluded many many women are. The reality is that lots and lots of men are unspeakably crude in thought and action when away from their partners.

I'm a bisexual woman.

There aren't very many women who really really are bi.

And about 200% of men are bi and questioning.

As a lesbian who doesn't have men as part of my household I basically regard men as an alien untrustworthy species, based on decades of innumerable experiences of male 'creep' from everyday sexism to full on illegal sexual abuse. I see them very clearly. I love some male members of my family including male children, but I still understand that even these males that I love have been raised within the patriarchy and do not understand what it is to be female and raised within the patriarchy. There is no comparison between the depth of understanding, empathy and all round connection I experience with my female friends and the somewhat thin sense of connection I feel with men and boys. They just aren't where it's at for me. They aren't on the same page. They are hard work.

Ouch.

I think heterosexual women who have male partners within their household make lots of allowances and turn a blind eye to how limited and awful nearly all men are. They also seem to give away power all the time to me. Who then believe they are Godlike. I observe this yuck inducing dynamic between men and women time and time again..

Men not me

I have quite a few heterosexual friends who choose to NOT live with male partners, including women raising children. They have learnt that it works best to not let men get their feet under the table, but to steer their own ship and enjoy male company without merging households.

Not really. If one man sexually harassed one women every day for 30 years, he'd be personally responsible for nearly 11,000 women being sexually harassed. And if we're defining "sexual harassment" to include things like shouting at someone, he could harass a lot more than one woman per day. So even if only .01% or less of men ever harass a woman, that would still be enough for 100% of women to have been sexually harassed. In reality, I don't think the numbers are quite that stark. But in my experience, it's a small number of men doing it often and most men never doing it at all, not all men doing it occasionally.

But it's 100% of women being harassed and 100% of men either doing the harassing or turning a blind eye to it. Turning a blind eye to it is dreadful.

I have one ex who I could well imagine making inappropriate comments or crossing a line. I’m absolutely confident my husband never would.