Is your partner a creep?

[Bedpost]

97% of women have been sexually harassed, so there must be a huge number of men responsible for this. I’m a lesbian and don’t have many male friends and never knew my dad. I’m fairly confident that none of my male friends or friends partners would shout at girls in the street, grope women etc (can’t be sure though). I’m wondering who on earth all these men are. There must be millions of these gross men walking among us, so does anyone know them personally? They must be someone’s dad/brother/partner/friend. So does anyone have a current partner or other male they are close to that they know/suspect is a creep?
I’m not really expecting anyone to say yes, but doesn’t it seem strange that nearly all women have experienced sexual harassment but no one seems to know a man (apart from a distant relation or boss/ex they are not on good terms with) who behaves this way? Are you sure that your partner doesn’t stare at/follow/make comments/harass women when you are not there?

I know multiple men (people’s partners) that are the problem. Not my partner though. He’s a lovely man.

An exbf of mine is a creep. He referred to a girl wearing a shirt skirt as a 'slag' . Just one of numerous reasons he's an ex.

Skirt not shirt!

Oh FFS I give up

SHORT SKIRT! At last!

Are you sure it wasn’t skort, @ALongHardWinter?

Different kinds of creeps - I've known some. Not my current bf or my husbands, at all.

My dad had a creep streak though I think it was mainly how weak he was, he would go along with the most alpha male in any group. I doubt he would have done anything threatening on his own, but leching at service staff in a group, for sure.

The creepiest type of men I knew were very posh, very uptight men at university. They were so sexually judgemental and liked women to wear calf length skirts and high necked blouses. It was the implication that it we wore anything else we were fair game that I found so vile.

My first boyfriend wasn’t a creep when we were together but later, aged 30, became infatuated with a 19-year-old and behaved very creepily towards her. He was borderline stalking her.

Then I went out with another creep.

Now I don’t.

My brother says a few things that make me wonder whether he’s a bit creepy but I always point it out. Ditto with the first boyfriend. He doesn’t like it but I make him hear it. I don’t bother with the second creep because he’d kick off and not take it in, plus it’s obvious to everyone except the odd idiot like me that he’s dodgy af.

On a rare night out with work, we went drinking in the local city centre. I don't drink much so was well aware what was going on. many of the coworkers are younger women and they were getting oogled, comments from, indescrete crude comments between men, knocks /bumps by a wide range of men. Some obviously young lads trying fo get lucky but also from much older men, who possibly had their own kids of a similar age. I was really repulsed by this, kept comparing them, age wise, to my dad and how creepy that would be. Think many wives/kids would have been shocked to see so their husband/dad behave like this.

I think all men have behaved badly towards women at some point, I don't think it's a small number behaving creepily all the time.

I don’t think it’s fair to assume that a large majority of men are creeps. It’s also not fair to assume that most wives have no clue their husbands are creeps. If a mans a creep then he won’t just harass one woman. They’d be hundreds over his lifetime, as it’s in his nature. And I’m sure it would be pretty obvious to someone whose married to him.

On the other hand, some women are aware but ignore it. I had a horrible experience with a guy who came to fit my blinds from a well known company. I’m not gonna go into what he suggested to me, in my home, when I was alone. I reported him to the police and the company however, it turned out he used to work at my place of work, I was telling a colleague about him, and he told me he harassed loads of women there and on work nights out he’d bring his wife and chat women up right next to her and she’d just ignore it. He was the real definition of a creep and the situation with his wife was just sad.

I’d just add that there are many many women who are creeps too. I’ve seen men get harassed in the same way, whether it’s comments, a slap on the arse or leering, and it’s just laughed off.

I've had 3 Bfs (long term)
BF1 3 years - no chance. He just wouldn't
BF2 - when drunk yes
BF3 yes he once said "If i see a fit arse in a short skirt
i'm looking and slapping that arse if she looks up for it"

My DH is definitely not a creep and never has been.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of his younger brother, with whom we have long had no contact.

I don't think it's a small percentage of men who are very prolific in their creepiness, nor do I think a high percentage of men are creeps by nature. I think that all men have the potential to behave in ways some women may find creepy. There is no consensus on what creepy behaviour is, it's very much defined by the recipient, with huge differences between women in what they find acceptable. Some do not like being looked at, others enjoy wolf whistles. The characteristics of the man also make a difference, with young attractive men far less likely to be thought of as creeps than older ugly ones for the same (low end) behaviour, compliments, approaches to women etc. So, while people are convinced their partners are not creeps, I don't think its possible to categorically state no other woman would ever find them creepy.

My DH can definitely be a creep. But then, so can I, because I also look at attractive people and sexualise or objectify them. Not at them, but DH and I have definitely had conversations about how x and y had nice tits, great ass, etc. Just yesterday my friend and I ranked a bunch of male celebrities purely by how sexually attractive they were.

I think DH veers into the dehumanising territory sometimes and until you point it out he would think it's not an issue, but he has been improving. As he's getting older he will call out behaviour from other men. His private thoughts and fantasies however are definitely creepy, according to the definition.

We had one older leery, suggestive guy in my office.
Nothing obscene but he was sleazy mid 40's to my mid 20's.

We didn't like him.

At a large fancy office do where partners were included one night he had his wife with him and wouldn't so much as look sideways at the women from the office and actually snubbed a few hello's.

There was one ballsy woman a few years older than me (late 20's) who strolled up to his wife and introduced herself, asked her what was wrong with "poor James" as he was so quiet tonight and that usually he's ALL OVER the girls in the office!!😂😂

He nearly choked, his face and that of his wife was a picture.

He was a very quiet man in the office for the remainder of my time there.

That incident was legend and was the story of the night.
The same woman was a brilliant engineer and never took an ounce of guff from the men around her.
There weren't that many women in engineering 40 years ago, when she qualified.

Also how do you define creepy? Is it only if it’s something ‘in person’ lots of women on here post about partners secretive online sleazy habits- including webcams etc— to me that’s bloody creepy- but not necessarily ‘seen’

YANBU. I know of a few. One is a friend of DP's and the other was a colleague of DP. In all honesty, DP might have come across as a creep to others as he is autism and doesn't always pick up on social cues. He's a lot more aware and will now also say to new people "I'm Autistic so if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, please tell me". He's hyper aware now of his behaviour.

My partner is far from a creep. The least creepiest person you could meet (not just saying that).

I do however have an uncle that is a bit of a creep. Makes me sick but my grandma always sticks by him. The rest of the males in my family are far from creeps so he's just a one off!

Also I think a lot of people have shady pasta we don't always know about. Someone I worked with years ago got done for harassing females by text/social media (including harassing me). So much so he can only have supervised social media usage. Several years on, he appears to be a devoted family man (I am actually good friends with his brother so he mentions things). God knows if his partner knows about it. He still gives me creep vibes though. I seen him in a supermarket a while ago and the way he looks at you makes me feel uncomfortable.

I know quite a few men who are creeps.. they aren't my friends, but I know them... my sisters friend is a creep, guy I know from uni who sent me an unsolicited dick pick is a creep, boys I know from school who used to inappropriately touch girls are creeps etc etc etc .. also remember, it's not one woman being harassed by one individual man each time, the men who do it probably harass several women throughout their lives.

I don’t think it’s fair to assume that a large majority of men are creeps. It’s also not fair to assume that most wives have no clue their husbands are creeps.

There are hundreds (thousands?) of threads on this board from OPs who have just discovered their OH cheating, or messaging women inappropriately, or making creepy comments on attractive women’s social media, or using webcam sites, or secretly watching lots of niche porn involving e.g. upskirting or non-consent or teens; often going back for years. And so frequently the OP’s reaction to this is “I never for one moment thought he was capable of this, he’s a perfect gentleman in front of me, he always says how much he hates cheating / porn / sleazy men, everyone we know thinks he’s adorable.

It’s not that these women were stupid or deluded before their discovery. It’s just that most creepy men generally hide it very well.

My first boyfriend was an absolute creep and still is. I shudder just at the though of him. I'm sure he's constantly creeping around harassing random women. My dad is also a complete chauvinistic prick but not a creep at all. My husband is one of the kindest most considerate people alive and definitely not a creep.

My step dad who was having an affair when my mum was pregnant with my brother. Not coming home from work , always out having affairs . His first wife even told my mum not to marry him he was a real creep. On his own now in his old age but apparently a better man 🙄

A man at my workplace (not a direct colleague) was recently fired by his company for sexually harassing my female colleagues as well as female colleagues in his own company. Inappropriately asking them out for drinks on their work phones and sending them illicit photos.

He's married. Wonder how he explained losing his job to his wife.

I was sexually assaulted at work by a male colleague. Again, he was married with kids.

The worst offenders were those husbands who stayed away during the week and went back at weekends. Board directors etc. Absolute sex pests and creeps!

I hoped these woman would find out what their husbands have been up to!!!

I remember a former colleague of DH's (at his previous employer) who definitely fell into the "creep" category. I came across him at the occasional social event and was always glad DH was always nearby.

I wasn't remotely surprised when I read in a well known daily newspaper that he had been dismissed from his job and had been convicted of date rape (rohypnol). It was one instance when the report in said newspaper was actually spot on. He did time in prison for it, rightly so.