Is your partner a creep?

[Bedpost]

97% of women have been sexually harassed, so there must be a huge number of men responsible for this. I’m a lesbian and don’t have many male friends and never knew my dad. I’m fairly confident that none of my male friends or friends partners would shout at girls in the street, grope women etc (can’t be sure though). I’m wondering who on earth all these men are. There must be millions of these gross men walking among us, so does anyone know them personally? They must be someone’s dad/brother/partner/friend. So does anyone have a current partner or other male they are close to that they know/suspect is a creep?
I’m not really expecting anyone to say yes, but doesn’t it seem strange that nearly all women have experienced sexual harassment but no one seems to know a man (apart from a distant relation or boss/ex they are not on good terms with) who behaves this way? Are you sure that your partner doesn’t stare at/follow/make comments/harass women when you are not there?

No he is not.
He was a womanizer in his younger days he was a good looking guy. I'm sure there is someone somewhere who he made unhappy but as far as been a creep goes I don't think so. I've met his female colleagues and they've only had nice things to say about him.

@AlCalavicci

I think a lot depends on what you find un/acceptable behaviour .

My DH imo was never a creep , but if we were out together he would quitely point out ( talking to me quietly not actually pointing ) if he saw a nice looking lady or if he saw a guy he though I would like . Me and DB do the same kind of thing , we would never shout out to the person in question .

However when me and DH were out with a mutual friend she was horrified that we did this and that we were objectifying men and women.
To be clear we never say things like nice tits, bet s/he is a goer , or anything remotly vulger / nasty .
Its normaly things like she is pretty / he is good looking , they are dressed well ect

I don't understand why someone would point out that they'd seen an attractive person to their partner. I find that really weird

Please define ‘creep’. I agree this is a weird post

I spent a few years working behind a bar in a working class/Irish pub in South London, and was able to observe plenty male behaviour and earwig many conversations that I normally wouldn’t be privy to. My rough estimate is that about 30% were genuine creeps, 20% proper good guys (in that they wouldn’t engage in creepy behaviour or with creeps, and would call out bad behaviour) and that 50% would laugh along - wouldn’t start anything but wouldn’t stop it either.

That’s where I met my husband, and I knew him for about a year before we got together, so I knew he was one of the 20% of genuine good guys.

I know a family member who is a creep but no partners of mine that I know.

Well my husband looks at a woman if he thinks she's attractive, maybe stares but I don't think he's a creep because of that
I can 100% say he would never follow or harass a woman.
It's depressing to think that I must know men who do this if there are so many of them around.

My ex isn’t a creep. He hired women over men for senior roles in a work environment where white, straight and male was expected. He took stick for it from his bosses and told them he hired the best person for the job. He stepped in when a very junior female staff member was being harassed by an outside contractor and he had the man sent home. He personally called their boss’ boss to make sure they knew exactly what had happened so there was no chance of them getting away with it. He’s called out friends and colleagues over sexist comments.

That’s ^ what not being a creep looks like. It’s not a passive thing. It’s speaking up and saying that’s not ok when someone else is being a creep.

I believe that the 'creeps' are comprised of both poorly socialised men and dangerous men.

The poorly socialised do it because they think that's what men do, the dangerous do it because they get a kick out of making women uncomfortable or fearful.

The vast majority of random sexual harassment probably comes from the poorly unsocialised (and having been to a red brick university myself I know that is not class/wealth/profession dependent).

Either way though, it all boils down to toxic masculinity.

My Dad is a creep. He is in his 80’s and I still ,have to pull him up when he is creepy.

My husband is far from the perfect husband but he is not a creep at all. He has never said or done anything remotely creepy. He isn’t a prude and isn’t shy about sex with me but he has literally never made a creepy or letchy comment. He’s been accidentally sexist and thoughtless about things but not creepy.

He is retired now and when we were chatting the other day he mentioned that he had never commented on a woman’s looks or clothes especially at work.
I know he’s never looked at porn. At least he hasn’t for the last 35 years - maybe he did as a teen but I doubt it

I think much of the crap originates with one of two limited demographics, I.e.men under 25 and boisterous, plus the hardcore creeps/ mysogynists of any age.

But since the men who like to harass are often quite enthusiastic about it, they manage to catch up with most women. Maybe I'm just trying to keep faith in mankind...

No. My partner is not a creep.

I would say probably half the men I know I can absolutely imagine them stepping over the line in a comment or action. I have been in situations where a parent's cousin , husband of family friends, colleagues, friend's boyfriends have made a comment or propositioned me. I can absolutely imagine my father being a creep, at least one uncle and a couple of cousins.

My husband no I can't imagine. But never say never.

If 50% of men harrass just 2 women (and you know it's not 2 women) then there you have it.

My husband isn't a creep, nor is my father, but I've encountered lots of creepy men, from university through 40 years of workplaces and on both sides of the service user/service provider divide. Very few ever seem to be called to account for their behaviour, and often the women around them are quick to defend them - "Oh, he's such a lech, but it's just his way, he's a sweetie really," or, "Well, I'M not offended by him."

My dad was a creep.

@paperandfireworks

Just pointing out too that women can be perpetrators. There are some awful, lecherous, inappropriate, vile women too, assaulting other females.

Not what the thread is about AT ALL. Why are you trying to derail?

Smug goady post

I think you might get a more honest response if you asked the friends of posters on here, if they thought their friends parters/ bfs/ husbands were creeps.

My older teens are much more aware of the microaggressions of creepiness: men putting hands on their waists, leaning over them, trying to engage them in conversation, trying to make eye contact when it's really not necessary ( staring them out with a scowl seems to work a treat apparently) ... nearly always from men much older than them.

My husband definitely isn't. I'm sure everyone says that but I just know it. My dad on the other hand, definitely a creep and a cheat and I haven't spoken to him in over 10 years due to this.

One of DH's oldest friends is an out and out creep who is vile - he thought I'd be fair game - WRONG! But then he is a pretty nasty human being in most respects, single for years (for a reason), slept with prostitutes instead.
A friends husband also likes to make inappropriate comments which she just laughs off.

Yep, my husband and his colleagues can be vile towards women. I pull him up on it, but he carries on

My dad is a perv and a creep but I haven’t spoken to him for years. A few of the men in my family are but again I cut them off as they are also racist and homophobic. Their wives are either unhappy with them or have kicked them out.
My partner is a good man. He’s a feminist (or as feminist as a man can be not having dealt with things as a woman.)

Don't forget though that for it be sexual harassment there need to be at least 2 incidents by the same person.
So if it's a one off it's not actually classed as harassment.

My FIL is a creep sometimes. Kind of an old flirt, but it's with a twinkle in his eye so he gets away with it. He expresses sexist attitudes more often than I'm comfortable with. MIL is sexist as hell and openly hates women.

My DH is a flirt and can veer over into being a creep sometimes. He likes looking at women walking by and is less obvious about it than he needs to be.

My husband probably isn't. Can't say who he would be if he wasn't with me but he’s a big reader and very empathetic so he's read enough female-influenced literature to get it properly and put himself in a female character's shoes, I think. I can tell by his reactions when someone else makes a creepy comment or action - he’s quick to spot it.

My father, sadly, has almost certainly made countless women very uncomfortable by commenting on their bodies. He thinks he’s good-humoured and complimenting them and it's all in good fun. But when I was growing up it was constant sleazy jokes and comments (we were all well aware that he married our mother for her great legs, that his new secretary was a fine-looking girl, that his best friends wife was a nymphomaniac who propositioned him etc etc), and comments on me and my sister's developing bodies as teenage girls, too. Although he did comment on my growing chest once in front of family friends he had invited over for coffee and my mum put a stop to that and he didn't do it again. But I was mortified. Didn't understand why he would do that.

Contrary to what someone else suggested he does actually have a large number of female friends - and not ones he met through my mum, either - because he’s very extroverted, interested in art and music and food (and totally uninterested in sport), does huge amounts of charity work that he genuinely believes in, even when it has turned dangerous, and he makes the effort to keep in touch with a lot of school friends of his youth. And he openly adores my mum and talks about her with pride and respect (and yes her great-looking legs, which to be quite honest are better than mine and she's almost 70), and she's become friends with his female friends over the years.

People are sometimes very difficult to compartmentalise. It makes it hard to know what to do or to think. He's just completely oblivious to how he comes across, from cheerily sleazy to recklessly inconsiderate. (Drives my house-proud brother absolutely mad because he's a terrible houseguest.) My mum says she gets asked a lot "why do you stay with him? He must be so hard to live with/I don't know how you do it", but she always says "we have a great life together and he’s been very good to me". And she might be right. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Rosebel

Well my husband looks at a woman if he thinks she's attractive, maybe stares but I don't think he's a creep because of that I can 100% say he would never follow or harass a woman. It's depressing to think that I must know men who do this if there are so many of them around.

See, I would find my husband creepy if he was openly staring at women he found attractive. Purely because I find it unsettling/creepy if I can tell/see that a man is openly staring at me.