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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH ‘I’m not coming home.’

385 replies

Livvielo · 28/08/2021 19:31

DH is out tonight. Someone at work is celebrating their 40th birthday.
They went to a golf club this afternoon and had lunch and drinks after. They’ve now gone into London. DH has just messaged me this:
‘Don’t wait up for me. I’m not coming home.’
I asked why.
His reply ‘crashing at work mates flat because it’s closer’ (he then said where it was. It’s 3 stops on the train before our stop. Hmm
AIBU to be annoyed at this??

OP posts:
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 28/08/2021 19:32

3 stops from home?
yeah, that's weird.

LTB

HirplesWithHaggis · 28/08/2021 19:33

How annoyed would you be if he crashed through the door at 2am, shitfaced drunk and singing "Hallelujah"?

birdsong7 · 28/08/2021 19:34

That's very bizarre behaviour from a grown man.
I'd expect it from a teenager/ student.
Do you have children? Why does he need to stay at someone else's flat after drinking where he will have no access to clean clothes etc and have to get the train home tomorrow anyway?

Sorry to say it OP, are you sure it's a mate?

Original poster
Livvielo · 28/08/2021 19:34

@HirplesWithHaggis

How annoyed would you be if he crashed through the door at 2am, shitfaced drunk and singing "Hallelujah"?
Well yeah there is that. Grin
OP posts:
CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 28/08/2021 19:35

If you trust him it's a non issue (presuming you don't have plans together tomorrow that would be affected by this). It might be close to you but perhaps they want to continue the celebrations at his mate's house.

If you don't trust him then that's the issue, not that he wants to do this.

LittleOwl153 · 28/08/2021 19:36

Do you have kids? He's being pathetic if he's dumping them on you for the whole weekend with out discussion(whilst he nurses a hangover in peace)

If you don't have kids/care for his parents /have big joint plans for tomorrow etc then I'd probably not be that bothered. Unless you have reason not to trust him?

WorraLiberty · 28/08/2021 19:37

Do you have young children?

I often crash at a friend's house rather than take a train home, even if it is only 3 stops.

But if it's going to cause a problem with childcare etc, he should've discussed it first.

aaaaah · 28/08/2021 19:37

Is he doing you a favour by not disturbing you at like 2 in the morning?

bluebeck · 28/08/2021 19:37

Is there a back story?

If I knew DH was going to get shit faced I would beg him to stay at a mates house rather than come home and have to deal with his horrible drunken behaviour myself.

Original poster
Livvielo · 28/08/2021 19:38

@birdsong7

That's very bizarre behaviour from a grown man. I'd expect it from a teenager/ student. Do you have children? Why does he need to stay at someone else's flat after drinking where he will have no access to clean clothes etc and have to get the train home tomorrow anyway?

Sorry to say it OP, are you sure it's a mate?

That’s what I thought. I didn’t want to say he can’t stay out because I’m not his mother Grin but it’s totally out of character for him! We have 2 children, they are 8 and 11. And yes he will have to get the train tomorrow, and that seems worse to me. Who wants to get the train with a hangover?! I don’t really know any of his work mates as he started in this new company last year. It did cross my mind for a second, but then I thought I would sound possessive and like I don’t trust him if I ask him to prove his work mate is male. Sad
OP posts:
aaaaah · 28/08/2021 19:38

But yeah he should have arranged it all first.

HeddaGarbled · 28/08/2021 19:38

If this is a one off and if it isn’t leaving you in the lurch with childcare or other plans tomorrow, I’d let it go. He’s enjoying himself and doesn’t want the fun to end. I recognise that feeling.

Darlingbudsofmay7 · 28/08/2021 19:39

If he's going to be steaming though.. I'd rather he stayed at his friend's if he was my husband. Don't want to wait up next to a brewery..

JoyOrbison · 28/08/2021 19:39

It means he has an open ended party night rather than having to roll home and then be up early-is, esp of you have dc.

I love an odd staying out session, means no one clock watching you getting in 😁

WorraLiberty · 28/08/2021 19:40

I'd be ok with it as the kids aren't babies/toddlers and therefore hard work.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/08/2021 19:41

I think as a one off it’s fine- don’t let him off parenting duties tomorrow and remember to do the same one night :)

Original poster
Livvielo · 28/08/2021 19:42

Our children are 8 and 11, so no little ones. No back story, we live a quiet life really. We go out for a meal or something like cinema, theatre once a month. We go out without each other now for work parties, hen and stag nights, friends birthdays.
Pretty average life really. He never really drinks enough to be so drunk he can’t get home. If the friend lived in central London then I would think fair enough.

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 28/08/2021 19:42

Stay out all night versus waking me up paralytic, slurring “I really, really love you, I do” and breathing alcohol fumes all over me, I know which I’d choose.

SheABitSpicyToday · 28/08/2021 19:43

I usually stay out when I go out so I couldn’t be mad at my husband for doing it!

Original poster
Livvielo · 28/08/2021 19:43

They still have to get the train back from London though so it’s not saving him time or effort.

OP posts:
CookPassBabtridge · 28/08/2021 19:44

I wouldn't have an issue with this.

Original poster
Livvielo · 28/08/2021 19:45

@CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson

If you trust him it's a non issue (presuming you don't have plans together tomorrow that would be affected by this). It might be close to you but perhaps they want to continue the celebrations at his mate's house.

If you don't trust him then that's the issue, not that he wants to do this.

Well we’ve got lunch with the in-laws planned. I don’t really mind if that gets called off. Grin
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2021 19:45

I would not be happy about this, at all. If he were a great distance, staying away overnight is obviously ok, but 3 stops away? Hmm

Doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

RandomMess · 28/08/2021 19:45

Hmmm I think I would reply "Don't think you'd be happy for me to that and it's only 3 stops anyway" out the ball back in his court...

probablynotthesame · 28/08/2021 19:47

I echo @CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson if you trust him it's a non issue, if my DH said the same I wouldn't think anything of it, In fact I'd enjoy the bed to myself for the night!! I guess it just depends on your relationship dynamics and history!