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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH ‘I’m not coming home.’

385 replies

Livvielo · 28/08/2021 19:31

DH is out tonight. Someone at work is celebrating their 40th birthday.
They went to a golf club this afternoon and had lunch and drinks after. They’ve now gone into London. DH has just messaged me this:
‘Don’t wait up for me. I’m not coming home.’
I asked why.
His reply ‘crashing at work mates flat because it’s closer’ (he then said where it was. It’s 3 stops on the train before our stop. Hmm
AIBU to be annoyed at this??

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 28/08/2021 20:19

Would your DH be cool with it, if you did the same OP?

Nicknacky · 28/08/2021 20:19

@GoodnightGrandma Is that what you do when you are out for a few drinks? Cheat and take drugs?

Bluntness100 · 28/08/2021 20:19

Just let him go party aith his mates op. It doesn’t need to be drugs or women for goodness sake. As you said you’re not his mum. So stop acting like it. He’s told you where he is, why and when he’s coming back, and you don’t need help, you can cope alone.

ScatteredMama82 · 28/08/2021 20:20

This would be a total non-issue for me. To be honest I'd do it in his shoes too. Go back, crash, don't worry about tiptoeing around. I really don't see the problem.

starfishmummy · 28/08/2021 20:21

@aaaaah

If they both get drunk its easier for them to go to his mates house. Otherwise he might be too drunk to get off the train at the right stop?
That is a good point. I have on occasions received phone calls from DH at strange places because he has fallen asleep on his train - and that just on a regular commute, no alcohol involved!!
Original poster
Livvielo · 28/08/2021 20:21

@Roselilly36

Would your DH be cool with it, if you did the same OP?
He’s quite laid back so probably, but I’ve never done it. At least not in several years anyhow Grin
OP posts:
Survivingchipandkippee · 28/08/2021 20:21

I’d hate to be a partner/spouse of some of the posters on this tread. Harsh and jumping to conclusions.

RedSoloCup · 28/08/2021 20:21

I think it's fine actually as long as you trust him? We meet up in town pre Covid and all stay in hotels it's just more fun than commuting home and we can let our hair down and stay out later (4 girlfriends) none of us have ever cheated on anyone!

DoYouLikeOwls · 28/08/2021 20:21

@Bluntness100

Just let him go party aith his mates op. It doesn’t need to be drugs or women for goodness sake. As you said you’re not his mum. So stop acting like it. He’s told you where he is, why and when he’s coming back, and you don’t need help, you can cope alone.
You were calling a woman for getting drunk at a Wedding the other day but it's okay for a DH to party all night Grin.
Original poster
Livvielo · 28/08/2021 20:22

I definitely should not have posted here though. Because now my husband must be fucking sally the receptionist or going back to his mates racking up a few lines.
Grin

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 28/08/2021 20:22

@Livvielo

Even if I accept I’m being unreasonable to be annoyed about it, I can’t change the fact that I am annoyed about it. He’s just replied again because I asked why he won’t just come home because it’s not that much closer to London than we are. It’s 3 stops. He’s gone outside the pub and phoned me, slurring his words saying that if he comes home I will just moan at him for drinking too much and he doesn’t want me to wait up for him or keep asking where he is and when he’s coming home.
Ok this is actually quite nice that he doesn't want you waiting up for him. If I know DP is coming home I can never properly get to sleep until he's back but if I know he's not I sleep like a baby Grin
GoodnightGrandma · 28/08/2021 20:22

[quote Nicknacky]@GoodnightGrandma Is that what you do when you are out for a few drinks? Cheat and take drugs?[/quote]
I don’t go out for a few drinks.

RevolvingPivot · 28/08/2021 20:23

Also I think a male stopping over at a colleagues house is different than a woman who would like her clothes and toiletries etc

girlmom21 · 28/08/2021 20:23

@DoYouLikeOwls she always likes to play the cool wife

IridescentPurple · 28/08/2021 20:24

He just wants to get pissed without a home time and he's trying to think of a rational excuse and failed

Yup. I can relate to that. Take the brakes off now and again. So long as it is just now and again.

MintMatchmaker · 28/08/2021 20:24

I used to do this loads when I was younger but the thought of waking up in someone else's house without my toothbrush after a night drinking holds no appeal now!

I'm officially old.

I'm sure there's nothing to worry about OP. Drunk people aren't renowned for making rational decisions.

Restlessinthenorth · 28/08/2021 20:24

My OH has just rocked up home after being out since 10am (at the cricket, I must add!). He's shit faced. And annoying. Wish he had slept elsewhere!!!

Blossomtoes · 28/08/2021 20:24

I don’t go out for a few drinks

I’d put money on nobody on this thread being surprised by that.

Nicknacky · 28/08/2021 20:25

@GoodnightGrandma Why does that not surprise me if you think people are cheating and taking drugs just because they have been drinking.

I actually should have put money on you replying that you didn’t go out. It was fairly obvious you would have said that.

Hekatestorch · 28/08/2021 20:25

Op if you trust him, don't let some comments knock that.

He is drunk. They are planning an after party. In reality if they are all ready drunk, the after party at the colleagues will be them all passed out.

I remember dp doing the same, the first big night out after lockdown. Half way through they were all merry and planning to be carry it on. In reality he was asleep on our sofa at 1am. As the night wore on, people sloped off home.

I went out for dinner and drinks and came back at 4am. Nothing keeps me from my own bed. Grin

HelloMissus · 28/08/2021 20:25

Before Covid, DH would often stay in a hotel rather than come home late if he had an early start the next day.
It was not something I ever worried about - in fact I bloody loved it.

IridescentPurple · 28/08/2021 20:25

I definitely should not have posted here though. Because now my husband must be fucking sally the receptionist or going back to his mates racking up a few lines

Nah. It's probably much worse than that.[grin

GoodnightGrandma · 28/08/2021 20:26

@Blossomtoes

I don’t go out for a few drinks

I’d put money on nobody on this thread being surprised by that.

And do you really think I give a shit 🤣🤣🤣
Hekatestorch · 28/08/2021 20:26

@Livvielo

I definitely should not have posted here though. Because now my husband must be fucking sally the receptionist or going back to his mates racking up a few lines. Grin
Or snorting the lines off Sally's arse cheeks. Grin
Changechangychange · 28/08/2021 20:26

I mean, there are two options aren’t there?

  1. He wants to carry on the party round at his mates house with no curfew/last train to catch.

Or 2. He is having a one night stand

If you think no 2 is likely, your relationship has problems that need addressing anyway. DH might make weird decisions when drunk, but I’m confident he isn’t out shagging anyone.