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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH ‘I’m not coming home.’

385 replies

Livvielo · 28/08/2021 19:31

DH is out tonight. Someone at work is celebrating their 40th birthday.
They went to a golf club this afternoon and had lunch and drinks after. They’ve now gone into London. DH has just messaged me this:
‘Don’t wait up for me. I’m not coming home.’
I asked why.
His reply ‘crashing at work mates flat because it’s closer’ (he then said where it was. It’s 3 stops on the train before our stop. Hmm
AIBU to be annoyed at this??

OP posts:
HelloMissus · 28/08/2021 20:27

DH - thinking of staying in a hotel cos we’re gonna be out late and I have an early start.
Me - awww that’s a shame.

HurryUpAndWait23 · 28/08/2021 20:29

@Livvielo

I definitely should not have posted here though. Because now my husband must be fucking sally the receptionist or going back to his mates racking up a few lines. Grin
So Mumsnet!

I'm glad you're being reasonably OP.
I can understand it's disconcerting if he doesn't usually do this. But I think it's reassuring that he doesn't.

Ozberry · 28/08/2021 20:30

He’s just got swept up with the sesh.

HurryUpAndWait23 · 28/08/2021 20:31

@Ozberry

He’s just got swept up with the sesh.
This should go on Ozzy Osbournes headstone.
HelloMissus · 28/08/2021 20:31

On MN husbands should never go out drinking, to the footie, to a party...
They should be 100% content with going to work (preferably from home), spending time ‘as a family’.

Nicknacky · 28/08/2021 20:34

My husband would have dumped me about 15 years ago if he were to listen to posters on MN. So many people are willing to break up their marriage and families just because their H goes out and gets blootered if they are to be believed on here.

polishthatfloor · 28/08/2021 20:35

The latest update re the slurred phone call appears totally legitimate to me OP. No getting woken up and no having your bedroom smell like a bar men's apron tomorrow

Pigeonpocket · 28/08/2021 20:35

Bit of a weird excuse to say that he's getting a train almost home but then getting off 3 stops early to stay somewhere else for convenience. How convenient is a 10 minute difference if he's already on the train?

MilesOfSand · 28/08/2021 20:36

@Gettingthereslowly2020

From reading your updates OP, it sounds like he's either cheated before or he's given you reason not to trust him. You seem quite concerned that there are women there and you don't trust him around other women.

This is no way to live your life, worrying about him cheating everytime he wants to stay out past his curfew. You need to have a proper talk to him when he sobers up about why you don't trust him and what you can both do about it.

I didn’t get this at all? Maybe projecting?
Ugzbugz · 28/08/2021 20:36

Maybe a mate said crash at mine and he said yeah fine, we all suggest and plan things drunk that really make no sense!

Maybe everyone is going back to this place to have a few lines, doesn't mean he is but he could be or just boozing.

IridescentPurple · 28/08/2021 20:36

When my husband goes out I look after the children the day after. What's the point in going out and having a drink if you know you have to be up early with the kids?

Yeah, me too. When you have 3 kids under 5 it's pure heaven to go out and take the brakes off (repeating myself now). I'd let him stay in bed all day if he wanted - because he did the same for me.

He did better, in fact,, because he makes the most divine cheese, onion and mushroom toastie known to man which he would bring up with a pint pot of tea in the morning while I watched telly and recovered. Oh blissful memories! I actually amended a typo at the beginning, it read "3 under 35" which of course is true as I speak. Not sure if they're any less trouble tbh. (Even though they don't live here)

AllCatsAreSpecial · 28/08/2021 20:36

What exactly is the problem with him doing this?

He clearly just wants to have a night out where he isn’t thinking he has to be back at X time.

He’s said he doesn’t want you to be waiting up and asking him when he’s getting back, and tbh you’ve started a thread asking if you are BU for him to stay at a friend’s, so he’s probably not totally wrong for thinking that might happen…

IridescentPurple · 28/08/2021 20:38

He’s just got swept up with the sesh

Absolutely this. Although it's interesting to note the catastrophisers.

RevolvingPivot · 28/08/2021 20:39

@Pigeonpocket

Bit of a weird excuse to say that he's getting a train almost home but then getting off 3 stops early to stay somewhere else for convenience. How convenient is a 10 minute difference if he's already on the train?
Because he wants the night to continue. He doesn't go out much so wants to make the most of it.
BayandBlonde · 28/08/2021 20:40

When you're pissed you really aren't thinking about the number of trains stops and which place is closer!

Plus men think like little boys, he has an opportunity for a sleep over at his mates! Is there really anything wrong with that

ClemDanFango · 28/08/2021 20:41

Personally this wouldn’t bother either myself or my DH.

AllCatsAreSpecial · 28/08/2021 20:41

@Ozberry

He’s just got swept up with the sesh.
Amen.
Yesitsbess · 28/08/2021 20:42

You get the bed to yourself without a snoring drunk person in it, you get to not listen to him crashing in at 2am singing Hallelujah, you get to cancel lunch with the IL, you get a good few weeks of taking the mick out of him, you get a load of guilt goodwill in the bank, he's having a nice time and is trying to not inconvenience you (but in a drunk logic kind of way IYSWIM). If you have trust between you and you think you may be able to laugh about it tomorrow when he realises what a wally he's been then I see no negatives here - enjoy!

Or everything is doom and he's having an affair with a cocaine lady from work.

BayandBlonde · 28/08/2021 20:42

Also a 10 minute difference is a bloody long time when your shit faced Grin

BrilloPaddy · 28/08/2021 20:44

I'd far rather he stayed away, tbh.

However I wouldn't cancel the in laws. He needs all the punishment he can get with the hangover he's going to have Grin

Hekatestorch · 28/08/2021 20:45

@BayandBlonde

Also a 10 minute difference is a bloody long time when your shit faced Grin
It absolutely is, especially if you are alone.

A colleague of mine went one stop further than us once. Only about 10 mins. He didn't turn up for work the next day. We nearly reported him missing.

He had fallen asleep. Been turfed off and fell asleep on a bench. This was after day drinking at pride Grin

viagrafalls · 28/08/2021 20:46

@BrilloPaddy

I'd far rather he stayed away, tbh.

However I wouldn't cancel the in laws. He needs all the punishment he can get with the hangover he's going to have Grin

Oh that is a sweet revenge! Maybe suggest brunch instead?
GammyLeg · 28/08/2021 20:46

This sounds like a once off so I’d personally be fine with it.

Hope lunch with the ILS gets called off OP!

Siameasy · 28/08/2021 20:46

Don’t see any issue with this in fact I think he’s being considerate not rolling on crashing about and waking people up. He’s probably having a good time and wants to continue the night

saraclara · 28/08/2021 20:46

It just sounds as though the party's going to carry on a bit at the mate's. He's probably not the only one going, and he's just not ready for the outing to end.

Ignore the worst case scenario posters and be glad you don't have to deal with him rolling in and waking everyone up.