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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 25/08/2021 23:49

I’d have to drink a LOT of wine to cope with that. I hate Dobble.

Made me chuckle wryly though OP because your melt of a friend sounds like my boss who lets her 9 year old pull this stunt all the time when she has her friends over for dinner. I’m the nanny and I can tell you, no one wants to hear what the 9 year old has to say when they’re trying to enjoy their evening.

Actually they don’t come over much these days 🤔

coffeealldayandnight · 25/08/2021 23:52

That would drive me bonkers! I have friends of friends who allow this to happen with their kids and my friends in common just bitch about how terrible it is and how they won't go away with them anymore! Really awkward for you to say something, maybe excuse yourself during the evenings and read a nice book by yourself on the balcony?

Plumtree391 · 25/08/2021 23:52

I wouldn't mind the kids being up until 11pm or even later if it meant we all got a good lie in the next morning. Surely the little girl doesn't have to actually be sitting with you, she can be indoors watching TV or whatever while you sit out on the verandah with a drink and chat.

coffeealldayandnight · 25/08/2021 23:52

(Or pretend to whilst silently seething!)

SmidgenofaPigeon · 25/08/2021 23:55

Yeah it’s the indulging her in cartoons and Dobble that’s the problem, if she ‘can’t sleep’ she should just stay in bed and read a book. Of course kids ‘can’t sleep’ if they can get up to have a night of TV and games without their siblings around.

Feelingmardy · 25/08/2021 23:56

Sounds like an awful holiday. I think if go to bed at 9 if I were you, just in order to avoid the horrific evening saga

Beebababadabo · 25/08/2021 23:56

This would annoy the hell out of me. I would tell your friend how you were looking forward to do some adult things and can't relax fully with her daughter there. Spoilt brat.

MrsRobbieHart · 25/08/2021 23:56

Urgh!! I’d hate this.

Tbh I’d announce I was off to bed as soon as Alyssa appeared downstairs. And if being quiet in the morning is mentioned I would give a hearty laugh and say “Alyssa should have gone to bed earlier then!”

MrsRobbieHart · 25/08/2021 23:57

Alternatively, you could bring all the kids down when Alyssa comes down and let them all run riot. Your friend might change her mind about anyone staying down.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 25/08/2021 23:58

Are you sure you NC'd? Shock

SeoultoSeoul · 25/08/2021 23:58

I think I'd disappear to my bedroom with the whole bottle of wine and my phone. Anything to avoid playing Dobble with a split 8 year old.
They say you dont know people until you have holidayed with them

Notimeforaname · 25/08/2021 23:59

Just say to her tomorrow.. I'd really enjoy a kid free night tonight,what do you think? Havnt been able to talk much with lovely Alyssa in earshot every night!

Notimeforaname · 26/08/2021 00:00

I think I'd disappear to my bedroom with the whole bottle of wine and my phone
Actually,I change my mind. Do this.

TopBlogger · 26/08/2021 00:00

I would have to say something like "Well that's our evening finished then - think I will head to bed!" when her DD came down at 9. No point in you staying, may as well chill in bed and MNet Grin.

timeisnotaline · 26/08/2021 00:02

I would definitely say Alyssa should think about going to go to bed earlier, the others did and that’s why they are up playing. No one is going to be quiet for an 8 year olds sleep in.
I’d be mad! My 6 yo is very hard to get to bed but if we gave up and let him stay it would be adult time and ignoring him, he can always go to bed (we never do let him stay up). Can you turn something unsuitable on tv? And hold your ground? ‘Well she should be in bed, do you seriously never get any time to be adult at all?’

BluebirdHill · 26/08/2021 00:02

Do you have your own bedroom? I would leave as soon as this pantomime started and get into bed to drink wine and watch TV by myself I know it's not what you wanted, but it salvages something and is better than entertaining someone else's 8 year old.

SeoultoSeoul · 26/08/2021 00:03

Tell her Horrid Henry is for under 6s and put something scary on, the News should do it.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 00:03

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

Are you sure you NC'd? Shock
Fuck.

No. No I have not Blush

Damn you wine!

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 26/08/2021 00:04

ABORT! ABORT!

GreenClock · 26/08/2021 00:05

Other people’s kids can be very tedious tbh. There is a time and a place for them.

Your friend is being too indulgent.

Ohhelppp · 26/08/2021 00:05

From the the thread title I was worried you were my friend, OP Blush
We were on holiday with friends and my 8 year old kept coming down after bedtime . Except we didn’t indulge it, they were told in no uncertain terms that the adults were on holiday too, the evenings being especially important, and there would be consequences if they didn’t stay in bed.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 00:05

@BluebirdHill

Do you have your own bedroom? I would leave as soon as this pantomime started and get into bed to drink wine and watch TV by myself I know it's not what you wanted, but it salvages something and is better than entertaining someone else's 8 year old.
I do and I am now MNetting whilst watching Love Is Blind on Netflix

I usually load the dishwasher before bed but couldn't be arsed tonight, would I be a total bitch if I did some very loud loading (to include a cacophony of pans and plates banging together) at 7.30am tomorrow Grin

OP posts:
TopBlogger · 26/08/2021 00:06

No you wouldn't be a bitch AT ALL, it is actually expected of you to do that!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 00:08

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

ABORT! ABORT!
Meh fuck it. It's a specific situation anyway, unless there are other bored tipsy adult women in the U.K. who are being forced to play Dobble against their will.

When we played bloody Dobble tonig he and Alyssa won she said "Ha ha I beat the adults, I'm only 8 and I beat you two who are 40, you must be embarrassed".

Actually I'm not 40 yet and I was too busy silently seething to concentrate

OP posts:
Beelzebop · 26/08/2021 00:08
Shock
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