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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
hollyhocksarenotmessy · 26/08/2021 07:20

Can you just go out somewhere tonight? Pub, cinema, something? And tell your friend you want an adult evening and you know she prefers to spend the evenings with the kids, so ta for babysitting.

Seriously, next time that kid appears I'd be saying 'I'm off to the pub, see you both later, bye' and go.

PieMaster · 26/08/2021 07:20

Oh I didn't realise you went on holiday with my sister Wink
Every fucking year my DN appears at the door just as the other 5 kids have been put to sleep. Then his whims indulged. I love DN but makes me want to punch my sister like my 8 year old self did!
Honest conversation in the day saying it's ruining the holiday if no change never go on holiday again with them.

ThinWomansBrain · 26/08/2021 07:21

Sounds dire
You've taken yourself off to your room this evening
Why not suggest that friend and wonderchild do the same tomorrow, so that you can use the living space, and go for alternate evenings?
If nothing else, it will make the point that you didn't go to bed early because you fancied an early night, it's because friend is being a PITA with this behaviour.

pilates · 26/08/2021 07:21

I think I would trot off to bed as soon as she comes down. How tedious.

1AngelicFruitCake · 26/08/2021 07:22

Just another example of indulgent parents! Playing double and Horrid Henry on 😮 I agree with everyone else, as soon as she appears go and sit on the balcony. I would also take the other three out at 7:30 for a breakfast or some other treat!

ActonSquirrel · 26/08/2021 07:23

If you haven't seen it already: Motherland Season 2 episode 5.

Whatafustercluck · 26/08/2021 07:24

Yanbu at all op. What are you doing to tire the children out during the day? Get Alyssa on the move from wake up time till 9. And I don't care if she's 8, I agree she does sound obnoxious and I'd struggle with that too.

Mind you, 7am wake up whilst on holiday also doesn't sound much fun. Ours were told to play quietly in their rooms till 8am, even at those ages.

ThinWomansBrain · 26/08/2021 07:27

& I think I would have replied to the early morning comment that if Alyssia went to bed when she was supposed to, instead of staying up, she wouldn't need to sleep late in the morning.
Bang around with the dishwasher and maybe get out the vacuum cleaner at 7am, then take yourself and your children out for the day.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 26/08/2021 07:34

Speak to the friend and tell her it’s spoiling the holiday for you. I mean, holiday or not, I’d not want my 8 yr old up at 11pm every night for a week. They’d be an over tired terror the next day.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 07:34

Morning all!
Annoyingly my kids are still asleep still too 😂

I'm gonna say to my friend I'm craving adult time tonight let's watch X show and make sure all the kids are in bed.

If her DD comes down, I will absolutely excuse myself and take myself off to the balcony with my book and iPad. 3 nights left and I will enjoy them somehow

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 07:35

Oh and re 'can she not go on her iPad' - my friend doesn't let them on iPads past 6pm as they don't go to sleep if they play on them Confused

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 26/08/2021 07:36

🍳🍳🍳 fry up time op? Pot banging too?!

UnsuitableHat · 26/08/2021 07:37

Yanbu. That sounds awful. 😂

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 26/08/2021 07:39

Id be pointedly sqying you might well be the best at everything but you haven't worked out how to go to bed at an appropriate time, unlike the others.
Then huff off to bed with all the good snacks.

Disfordarkchocolate · 26/08/2021 07:39

Perhaps accidentally pup Dobble in yout handbag too?

stepupandbecounted · 26/08/2021 07:41

You deserve a medal op.

You are a better woman than me I would have said something by now. Choose a violent sweary film for this evening and tell her it is going on at 9pm with or without Alyssa.

Your friend is indulging her dd to such a degree that she will find in a few years time she really will have the teen from hell, setting herself up for the most ugly few years for sure! So you would be wise to bail out now certainly of the holidays, as in my experience this kind of parenting only gets worse.
In my case the indulged child was 14 and invited to cocktails with the parents, to increase her social interaction naturally (and we had to listen to her acing every subject of course, and how she won every pony club competition since she could walk) The poor girl ended up with no friends, no social life and an outcast, she was unbearable to everyone around her. Pull back after this, have fun with your dc whilst you are there. Make a plan for the evenings - good luck Wine Gin

Dozer · 26/08/2021 07:41

Urgh.

If you do the assertive thing and have a word with your friend to ask her to ensure Alyssa stays in bed, will be interesting to read how she responds!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 07:43

@MsTSwift

Hell is other people and their children.

What is it with these primary kids that don’t obey their parents? When I was a child if my parents firmly told me to do or not do something I bloody just did it and my dc were the same.

We were in a lovely outdoor swimming pool yesterday with strictly timed booked lanes. Two kids in our lane when we went to swim mum told them to get out as their session over. They just ignored her! So she started wheedling and pleading. Cannot stand pathetic parenting. I nearly told them to get out myself as she was obviously incapable of doing it.

I'm the same as you - a PP earlier asked 'I bet you all didn't just obey your parents aged 8' - oh yes I fucking did! Wouldn't occur to me not to. But I feel like a mean mummy compared to some parents - including my friend who sounds like the swimming parent. They were in the pool yesterday and when it was time to get out, and they didn't immediately she was all very 'come on now, we really should go, the man has said, do hurry children' with her kids. And with mine I was "Out you two now! I shouldn't be asking twice" in my Scary Mum voice BlushGrin
OP posts:
TheLovelinessOfDemons · 26/08/2021 07:44

DS 10 has ADHD and finally went to sleep at his proper termtime bedtime last night after 1.5 weeks of summer school. His meds make it worse. His holiday/weekend bedtime is 10.15. DD nearly 14 sets her own bedtime, which at moment is 1am. Neither of them would expect to be with me. Getting up at 7 on holiday sounds hell though.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 07:45

@Oblomov21

I wouldn't have allowed this. Certainly not after one night. I would have sent her to bed telling her that you and her mum need adult time and she can read her book until she falls asleep.

I don't know why most MN'ers are so compliant and wimpy. Why don't you say something?

Because when that's your friend's pride and joy and a child she doesn't see a single fault with, it's hard to then go "your kid is fucking annoying and I don't want to be around s her" - I might not say it that way but no matter how I say it it's obvious that's what I mean
OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 07:46

@ActonSquirrel

If you haven't seen it already: Motherland Season 2 episode 5.
I LOVE Motherland and when Julia says "Why isn't Amanda putting her kids to bed? I want adult company, I don't want to spend the night with that 9 year old bell end" GrinGrin
OP posts:
liveforsummer · 26/08/2021 07:46

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Oh and re 'can she not go on her iPad' - my friend doesn't let them on iPads past 6pm as they don't go to sleep if they play on them Confused
Ah! Surely after 6pm (or before 9am) is the ideal iPad time on holiday?! I'm very relaxed about dc bed times on holiday but they do have to adopt a seen and not heard status after about 9pm and allow for adult time. As for this particular dc. I have a nephew who spends his tome bogging himself up to anyone who will listen (his parents do this too) and it's insufferable. This would annoy me more than any late bedtimes. I would absolutely refuse to play dobble past tea time too 😆
stepupandbecounted · 26/08/2021 07:46

It does sound like your friend is suffering from 'special child' syndrome, I wonder how her other kids feel about it.

stepupandbecounted · 26/08/2021 07:50

Can't you try showing your friend how it is done?

'Alyssa we have loved having you down here with us, but I do now need to speak to Mummy about grown up things, can you please go to bed now with a book and we will see you in the morning'

Tell your friend to pour another glass and stay where she is, and take Alyssa up to bed, tuck her in with a quick kiss and tell her to stay with the others and get some rest. Wash and repeat every night.

BitterTits · 26/08/2021 07:50

I like the idea of bagging the living space for yourself tonight. Say you're watching something wildly inappropriate and brook no argument (an old MN phrase!)

Horrid Henry is unbearable during normal child waking hours. It's torturous during holiday evenings.

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