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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 26/08/2021 00:12

Well you can tell her it's all downhill from here because games like Dobble are actually easier for younger people. Our reflexes turn to shit when we get older 😔

Original poster
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 26/08/2021 00:14

@Ohhelppp

From the the thread title I was worried you were my friend, OP Blush We were on holiday with friends and my 8 year old kept coming down after bedtime . Except we didn’t indulge it, they were told in no uncertain terms that the adults were on holiday too, the evenings being especially important, and there would be consequences if they didn’t stay in bed.
Oh bless you, well with 4 kids it was inevitable that one would be awkward about going to bed but it's about how it's dealt with!

I think my friend actually thinks it's a privilege for me to spend time with her DD.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 26/08/2021 00:16

It sounds hard work but I think that kids who don't sleep well go with the territory if you're holidaying with another family.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/08/2021 00:19

Dishwasher? I'd be finding a frickin' klaxon at 7am tomorrow morning and planning a day where Alyssa can demonstrate her superiority by running everywhere at warp speed so she is on her knees by tomorrow night.

Enjoy the wine and I guess if your friend twigs this is about her you won't be invited to repeat the "experience".

What a pain though, it sounds like you made nice plans. Maybe a firm, "we're going to watch an adult film at 9pm and you can read in bed if you can't sleep" tomorrow evening? If Mum steps in and makes excuses then I'd take myself off to bed.

Vanpod · 26/08/2021 00:20

Eh it's not about a child who doesn't sleep well though, is it?

It's about a spoiled child who is being ridiculously indulged by her mother.

Melliferous · 26/08/2021 00:21

Oh fuck that.

Alyssa needs to be sent to bed with a book and a torch and told that no one wants to hear a peep out of her until breakfast time.

eeek88 · 26/08/2021 00:26

Might be too late to get your holiday or this monster back on track but I like this line, when other people’s horrible kids are awake too late: ‘this is grown up time and we do very boring things like play poker at this time of night’. Then every time they try and chat you tell them it’s bedtime and don’t engage.

I’m really nice to them in the daytime… just have never really subscribed to the ‘don’t tell other people’s kids off thing’ when they’re in my house or I’m expected to look after / entertain them. And if the parents are judiciously turning a blind eye then someone has to be the adult, surely.

StarryStarrySocks · 26/08/2021 00:26

Slip some wine into Alyssa's Ribena. She'll be snoring on the sofa in no time. Wink

(This is a JOKE, just in case that's not clear!)

BeardieWeirdie · 26/08/2021 00:27

Bloody hell, I’d be having strong words with the little brat and her ineffectual mother. Let me guess mummy is one of the “saying no or that's naughty is child abuse” brigade. Never go away with the horrors again! 🍷🍷

Clymene · 26/08/2021 00:31

Tomorrow night, take your iPad and the bottle of wine and pointedly sit on the balcony with it. If your mate wants to spend the evening with her horrid 8 year old she can but you don't have to

AffableApple · 26/08/2021 00:35

Tell your clueless friend to enjoy her evening as soon as Alyssa appears. That three's a crowd and the latest episodes of whatever you're meant to be watching await in your room. Take wine with you. When waking Alyssa is inevitably mentioned in the morning, laugh. Laugh lots.

Bargebill19 · 26/08/2021 00:37

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grisen · 26/08/2021 00:40

it must be late as all I'm wondering is WHAT TV SHOW IS IT you enjoy haha

FortunesFave · 26/08/2021 00:49

Even if you had namechanged, the circumstances are unique so she'd recognise you anyway! I agree with letting the two older ones stay up later and entertaining one another in another room!

WobblyInAllTheRightPlaces · 26/08/2021 00:52

I know I am a total softie but....

I have some friends who lean on the oldest of their children. Hard to switch that off when they step out of their normal lives.

Maybe your friend OP has usually included her child in her night time wind down?

It could explain why she cannot go to bed like the others?

SemperIdem · 26/08/2021 00:58

I was thinking that @WobblyInAllTheRightPlaces, the little girl in question may well be very used to this evening wind down and going on holiday has disrupted that. It may also explain her show off behaviour - if she’s used to being part of her mum’s wind down, you have effectively usurped her.

I’d say it’s more your friend who is the issue here than the little girl.

irresistibleoverwhelm · 26/08/2021 01:02

OMG that sounds absolutely awful. I tell my DD (also 8) that I'm basically Wee Willie Winkie - I cannot stand the sight of a child past 8pm. Now she increasingly doesn't sleep by then (much to my chagrin and gnashing of teeth) but she is never allowed to come downstairs once in bed, except on New Year's Eve to watch the fireworks on TV.

I could not be doing with kids' TV on in the evening or a preteen kid sitting about yapping while I'm trying to drink wine and have an adult conversation, FFS. Enough is enough past a certain time at night! I dote on DD but there are times when I've just had enough! I could not be doing with my own kid at that time of night, never mind someone else's!

Also, she sounds annoying, but tbh 8 y olds are all pretty much a bit like you describe - conceited, obsessed with minor things about school, competitive, demanding yadda yadda. They'll be moody teenagers with self esteem issues soon enough, I can't get bothered about them boasting about being best at drawing or whatever, they haven't developed proper manners or empathy yet. It's your friend who is the problem here, not the DD!

irresistibleoverwhelm · 26/08/2021 01:08

Also yanbu to Dobble too, that sounds like torture!

NatriumChloride · 26/08/2021 01:12

@Melliferous

Oh fuck that.

Alyssa needs to be sent to bed with a book and a torch and told that no one wants to hear a peep out of her until breakfast time.

😂😂😂 This with bells on!!
sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/08/2021 01:14

Wtf is Debbie?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/08/2021 01:14

Dobble not Debbie ffs

AndTheReasonIsYou · 26/08/2021 01:15

My friends 8 year old has a really annoying habit of listening in to adult conversations. Go round for a coffee. Kids all playing happily then you notice he’s standing outside the room listening to your chat. Friend thinks it’s hi-larious.

I do not.

DoWhatYouWantToAndShh · 26/08/2021 01:33

She's just a kid. I'm sure 90% of mumsnet were 8 year old brats once, you can't seriously tell me you all trotted off to bed willingly without ever putting on a show once in a while. I'm sure you were all so absolutely delightful that you never bragged about your crayola achievements or said you were brilliant at something. I find that especially hard to believe given the self congratulating "mine goes to bed easily..." "mine never does that..." "i always tell kids to just go to bed and they do cos I'm better than their parent..."
Etc etc etc etc etc

Calling her spoilt and annoying and saying bury her under the patio.
It's the mother who needs telling, you need to say to her "i don't want to spend the evening with your kids as I want to talk about penises or whatever it is you're wanting to talk about" then she can make an effort.

Chloemol · 26/08/2021 01:40

So tomorrow I would get up as normal and make as much noise as you want

Then in the evening I would either let your kids stay up as well, or go to my own room, with my own bottle of wine and leave them to it. Have you an iPad or something you can watch Netflix or something on?

If she says anything I would be honest, you wanted adult time she can’t provide and you don’t want to spend every evening with her kid

mathanxiety · 26/08/2021 01:42

I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc.

It sounds to me as if her DD is incredibly unhappy and insecure, probably the least popular child in her class, and struggling academically.

The minute DD arrives downstairs tomorrow night, say, 'Goodnight you two, I'm off to bed. Enjoy your evening!' (Tinkly little laugh optional).

Absolutely do the dishes at the crack of silly o'clock in the morning.

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