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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend wants to move in for 'a few months..'

999 replies

islandhoppin · 24/08/2021 21:31

So I feel really torn, and extremely anxious.
This evening, out of the blue, my best friend has asked if she can come and move into mine and my DP's home.

I believe it's because she wants to sell up where she is currently, split the money with the other person she's bought with, snd then move out into a new property with her new partner.
She's totally put me on the spot.. I feel sick with anxiety.

My concerns are:

  • this could easily become longer than a few months
  • she has an extremely badly behaved dog that would be coming too
  • I have two dogs, one of which is territorial and one that is very nervous, adding another to the mix could cause issues
  • I am trying to house train one of my dogs at the moment
  • dogs arrangements.. I don't know where hers would stay, it's used to sleeping upstairs with her whereas mine aren't allowed upstairs
  • her partner. He doesn't live with her but comes and goes as he pleases, works unsociable hours and has a noisy large truck that will guarantee to wake my neighbours. We are in a very quiet residential area.
  • her partner smokes inside the house, has also done it here before when they came for tea; and I caught him lighting up in my living room.
  • my mental health. I suffer with anxiety, depression and OCD. My home is my safe space and my sanctuary, I don't think I could hack this, I know that sounds so incredibly selfish of me.

I'm beating myself up over this. I feel awful, selfish, like a terrible friend. I know she'd do this for me if I needed her. But I feel like I just couldn't hack this right now.

What do I do! ☹️

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Original poster
islandhoppin · 24/08/2021 21:31

Thank you in advance for any help. I'm feeling so stressed, I've been in tears 😔

OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 24/08/2021 21:32

Just say no.

Cruiser123 · 24/08/2021 21:32

That would be an instant no from me.

marmitegirl01 · 24/08/2021 21:33

Errr you just say. No I’m really sorry you can’t right now.

Winterfellismyhome · 24/08/2021 21:33

I would honestly say no. This seems like a recipe for disaster. Cant she stay with her partner?

HollowTalk · 24/08/2021 21:33

Oh come on, OP! There's no way on this earth that anyone would say yes to this! Just the dogs alone is a good enough reason, never mind her smelly boyfriend.

KindergartenKop · 24/08/2021 21:33

The dogs are an excellent excuse btw.

ladygracie · 24/08/2021 21:33

Say no. The dog issue is enough of a reason to say no even without all the other ones. If you cant say no then would your partner be okay with you using him as an excuse?

IsolaPribby · 24/08/2021 21:34

What do you do? You just say no!

For all the reasons you have given here it just won't work for you. Your friend will have to make other arrangements.

Lindjam · 24/08/2021 21:34

Nope!

Original poster
islandhoppin · 24/08/2021 21:34

Thanks all. I just feel awful saying no.. like I say, if I needed her without a doubt she would let me stay. I feel I'm at a divergent point in my life than she is. I feel selfish saying no with no valid reason, as we have got the room here and don't use the spare rooms. But I just don't think I could hack it.

OP posts:
LawnFever · 24/08/2021 21:35

You’ll just have to say no, it’s too much to ask, and who knows how long it might end up being for.

Where does her partner live? Can’t she stay with him if the plan is to move in with him eventually?

Fiddliestofsticks · 24/08/2021 21:35

She can go stay wherever her partner stays at the moment.

BloodyArgumentative · 24/08/2021 21:35

“Sorry, it just won’t work out, hope you find somewhere soon”

BlueGlasses · 24/08/2021 21:35

No is a complete sentence.

Don't need to have reasons or excuses ready.

Just no.

Be strong and brave - and good luck!

Pendhxa · 24/08/2021 21:36

Absolutely not. Tell her straight out, no that will not be possible. If you want to provide a reason, you can say that you struggle with mental health and you need a safe, calm, quiet space. Sounds like her dp and her dogs would be enough to precipitate a MH issue even if one did not exist before! You don't need to feel bad about saying no, she needs to feel bad for such a huge ask of someone she presumably knows has ocd/anxiety/depression.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/08/2021 21:36

No. She's got a partner. She can move in with him. Or rent a room in a shared house whilst her current place is up for sale - if it isn't actually that she's the lodger and being evicted due to her dog/boyfriend/general attitude of taking the fucking piss.

Not only will they both take the piss, they will not move out 'in a few months' - you'll still have them there in two years.

So, NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

sabs22 · 24/08/2021 21:36

Just say no, if she is a good friend she will understand. There’s too many doubts to make it at all feasible, and the vague timescales of ‘a few months’ could mean anything!

Original poster
islandhoppin · 24/08/2021 21:36

Her partner lives at home with his parents around 40 mins from here and where her house is.
His parents have said no to having the dog there, so she has said she won't be staying there.

She has another family member she bought the house with, who I believe could be the driving force behind this as they want their money from the house. I know of them very well and wouldn't bat an eyelid if they'd have told my friend to stay with me and DP as we don't need the room.

OP posts:
leavesthataregreen · 24/08/2021 21:36

Just say sorry but you can't cope with that level of upheaval right now. Or ever

housemdwaswrong · 24/08/2021 21:37

No. Its just not going to work on so many levels. You know you would be sacrificing your mental health for someone that doesn't even respect you enough to stop her partner lighting up in your house. No way Jose.

Get your DP to refuse if necessary. You are not obliged whether you think she would do the sane for you or not... and it doesn't strike me that she would if it were to inconvenience her.

Plenty of people move without this.

DoubleHelix79 · 24/08/2021 21:38

I'm a very generous person normally, and have offered people a place to stay in the past, but even I wouldn't consider saying yes under these circumstances. It would be madness.

Thehop · 24/08/2021 21:38

“That’s not something I could manage at the moment at all, or for the foreseeable future I don’t think. I’m sorry, I wish I could say yes. I’m happy to help you look for a short term rental though and help you move?”

BestZebbie · 24/08/2021 21:38

You can't put all the dogs through that, it would have to be a 'no' for that alone.
Can she not enter a chain or stay there until it sells like everyone else does, if she quite reasonably can't afford two sets of housing at once?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 24/08/2021 21:38

So, the property she’s intending to sell isn’t even on the market yet? If she moves in with you it could be a year until you’re rid of her. That’s a firm ‘no’ from me. Never mind all the other reasons why it’s a shit idea.

Use the dogs as a reason and then refuse to discuss it further.