Friend wants to move in for 'a few months..'

[islandhoppin]

So I feel really torn, and extremely anxious.
This evening, out of the blue, my best friend has asked if she can come and move into mine and my DP's home.

I believe it's because she wants to sell up where she is currently, split the money with the other person she's bought with, snd then move out into a new property with her new partner.
She's totally put me on the spot.. I feel sick with anxiety.

My concerns are:

• this could easily become longer than a few months
• she has an extremely badly behaved dog that would be coming too
• I have two dogs, one of which is territorial and one that is very nervous, adding another to the mix could cause issues
• I am trying to house train one of my dogs at the moment
• dogs arrangements.. I don't know where hers would stay, it's used to sleeping upstairs with her whereas mine aren't allowed upstairs
• her partner. He doesn't live with her but comes and goes as he pleases, works unsociable hours and has a noisy large truck that will guarantee to wake my neighbours. We are in a very quiet residential area.
• her partner smokes inside the house, has also done it here before when they came for tea; and I caught him lighting up in my living room.
• my mental health. I suffer with anxiety, depression and OCD. My home is my safe space and my sanctuary, I don't think I could hack this, I know that sounds so incredibly selfish of me.

I'm beating myself up over this. I feel awful, selfish, like a terrible friend. I know she'd do this for me if I needed her. But I feel like I just couldn't hack this right now.

What do I do! ☹️

Send her a Rightmove rentals link with the criteria she requires
Sounds like a Cheeky little f*er

And if, huge IF you did let her move in i would guarantee that’s the end of your friendship

Yeah, I wouldn't bet on her doing it for you, either, it's a huge ask. Hope she realises that.

She’s not homeless for fucks sake, the cheeky cow.

No. My dogs won’t cope. Nice get out clause.

@islandhoppin

Thanks everyone, I don't understand why she wants to leave the house when selling either, it doesn't make sense to me. Like I say, I think the main reason would be due to her family member pushing her out in the belief that it makes a house more saleable?? It doesn't; obviously. It makes no sense.

I have text her saying 'I'm so sorry but I really don't think that this is going to work for me right now. With the dogs needing my time and attention, I don't think adding another to the mix is the best idea. That combined with my mental health and me not being at my best at the moment, I'm so sorry it's going to have to be a no'

I hope this will be okay 😟

You have said the right thing . I used to be a person who couldn't say No but now I do .

@islandhoppin

The exact text was 'hey, can I come and live with you for a couple months..'

She's a cheeky fucker, actually.

Honestly the stress it's caused me tonight is unreal.
I've been a rollercoaster from angry, crying,
Disappointed and feeling awful and selfish. The way she's written it is what's made it worse for me, I think.

@Thehop

“That’s not something I could manage at the moment at all, or for the foreseeable future I don’t think. I’m sorry, I wish I could say yes. I’m happy to help you look for a short term rental though and help you move?”

This!

Well done on the response!
You have to look out for you first...

You’ve done the right thing, OP. If she tries to change your mind after your very honest message, then you know she doesn’t give a shit about you.

Well done OP. There is no way that would work. It would spell the end of your friendship very quickly. Your text is fine.

Just keep saying no. Don't feel bad, she's got a house she can live in.

I would never ever put a friend in the position she has put you in. Is this part of a pattern of unreasonable requests and dodgy boundaries?

It’s a request, you’re free to decline. A simple ‘I’m really sorry but that won’t work for us, hope you find something soon’ will suffice.

well done for your answer. Now hold your nerve.

If you went ahead with this OP I can see future posts along the lines of ‘my friend has moved in, was supposed to be short term, her BF smokes in my house, her dog makes my dog anxious, she never cleans up after herself, eats all my food, contributes nothing towards bills, orders take away which i always end up paying for etc.etc.
But of course I my be being cynical

CF: "hey, can I come and live with you for a couple months..'
OP: "No."
That's it. No is a complete sentence.
Now switch off it not your problem.
She can stay in her own house until sold.
The fact that she not even bother explain why is shady.
If she need to move out she can rent elsewhere.
That just horrible she try use you for free accommodation as she didn't even mention payment never mind the fact bringing the dog too that a minefield.
Don't feel guilty look to her partner parents they said no way too.

What a cheeky mare ! , your text was the right thing to say but beware as PP said she will try to wheedle her way round you with things like
The dogs will be fine . . . Nope
The dogs will live with xxx instead. . . dont believe it

I will pay rent .... Nope dont need it ( even if you could use the extra cash )
Dp wont smoke in the house . . yes he will he has before and anyway sodding right he wont , cos he wont be here
I will be company for you . . . . dont need / want your cf company
It wont be for long . . . Your house isnt even on the market yet it could be years !

And so on , if she comes back with any reason why you should let her stay , let us all know , we will come up with some polite but blunt reasons why it wont work

@KindergartenKop

Just say no.

Precisely

You’ve done the right thing.

Listen, people who ask cheeky fuck stuff have thick skins. They can cope with a no.

Any one of the reasons you said above are valid. And there were loads of them!

She has options rather than moving in with you. You’re under absolutely no obligation- real or imagined. Rest easy.

Just put your last reasons as your first . Any friends shouldn’t challenge that.

Thank you all so much.
I really thought I was being unreasonable or unfair, it's such a moral battle.
I think I've done the right thing.
Definitely the right thing by my two babies 🐶 and myself.. and yes, DP wasn't thrilled by the idea 😅

I think l that's a great response. She really tried to put you on the spot too with her out of the blue message. No need to move out in her situation anyway. I would wonder if something is going on that she hasn't told you.
All the more reason to keep her out of your place!

Your response was probably more than needed to be said but it's done now. Take a few deep breaths. If she responds with solutions about the dog, or begging to stay, your response will be 'as I said, it doesn't suit me and dp to have anyone stay'. Don't apologise - you've done nothing to apologise for. At the end of the day she's the one who has been cheeky to ask when there is zero need for her to move out.

Tell the truth, that it simply isn't your decision alone to make. Your partner has a right to be involved in the decision too. Simply say you've talked about it and can't help.

You say no because of the dogs.

Just no because of the dogs. Don't mention feeling anxious, or her partners smoking or his truck. Just no because of the dogs.

@islandhoppin

Thank you all so much. I really thought I was being unreasonable or unfair, it's such a moral battle. I think I've done the right thing. Definitely the right thing by my two babies 🐶 and myself.. and yes, DP wasn't thrilled by the idea 😅

That really wasn’t a moral battle!!